I have quite a few thoughts running through my head at the moment. Last night Paula and I were invited to share our Human and Spiritual Narrative yesterday at an apologetic class. We were thrilled to be asked and yet we felt a spiritual fear and trembling! I say spiritual because we take this stuff seriously. When called to teach, there is a higher level of accountability and I believe this to be even greater when we mix a human narrative in that is charged with emotions.
Stepping back and evaluating how we did, I think it went well. We had good responses and great questions were asked.
What I took away as the presenter was the fact that there is still so many people longing to hear a perspective that is not culturally or worldly based. We have seeped our responses to the topic of homosexuality out of the human narrative's that we hear all around us. We are almost too scared to speak something different than just acceptance in fear of being lambasted with hate-filled responses. How we respond is crucial and important to the culture around us and I believe what is even more important is the see the spiritual narrative at work.
I felt like the Holy Spirit gave me a greater revelation of the Trinity. Prior to presenting I kept hearing the verse, "I came not to abolish the law but to full-fill it." I thought of Jesus, coming to earth, a fulfillment of God dwelling among His people. Here we see Jesus, not a separate person but one united fully with God and the Holy Spirit. We also see the Holy Spirit not a separate entity from Jesus and God but united in FULL relationship with God and Jesus. Jesus can't go against God's created intent because He would be going against himself and the same goes with God and the Holy Spirit. I don't think I'm wrong when it comes to this idea that the Trinity is in full relationship with one another.
When we read people say...Well, Jesus didn't say anything about homosexuality"...we have to remind ourselves that he did. When God spoke things into being, created and ordered the world, He spoke very clearly on the created intent for humankind...and Jesus can't speak against that and the view that his silence spoke acceptance is a far cry from the truth.
We can't have one part of the Trinity and reject the other parts.
I also felt a deep realization that we are all called to live in the garden. Not getting back to Eden, but rather the one garden that I think if we really delved into it, we'd run screaming out! It's Gethsemane. A deep concept in this place is the idea that we too are called to come to this place and wrestle...and fight our humanity. I see Jesus in the wrestle with his own human body..."take this cup from me..." and coming out at the end... "Not my will but yours be done!"
How many of us live in this place? When we proclaim to someone who is in the LGBT community to lay everything down to follow God and the magnitude of what that looks like to them, or to anyone who is walking in sin. Anything that we hold up in front of us declaring "THIS IS IMMOVABLE, UNCHANGEABLE, OFF LIMITS, SECURITY, IDENTITY!" is an IDOL! God smashes idols. Jesus upturned tables, the Holy Spirit brings conviction! I used the analogy of retirement savings. How many of us would give up our entitlement of our retirement savings? How many of us would dare sell our home and give to the poor? How many of us would give up our best...rather than our hand me downs? And yet...is this not what Jesus intends? Hard? Maybe you yell back "Kenny, I worked hard all my life. I saved that money. I was faithful in giving." SO? Who gave you breath? Hear me now...it is isn't wrong to be faithful in our finances...and I believe we are definitely called to that place of faithfulness. But, when we hold it as our own...when we say...This is off limits to God's direction, when we hold it as security and our identity...have we sinned? Have we placed it higher than God's ability to provide? I share this analogy because it makes us uncomfortable and maybe it gives us a picture of the magnitude of anyone who has had to give up everything...to become undone in every part of ones life. To cry out in anguish when the intensity of the struggle was so enormous. When we ask someone to give up everything...are we ready to do the same?
Can we see that in every part of our life, there is a spiritual narrative being written and we are being beckoned to sit in it, listen to it, understand it and follow it!
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Roof issues...stepping out!
I have been quite lax in my writing this year and as I look back, I see a lot of factors that kept me from putting thought down on this blog.
We have battled through some tough things this year, but we have also seen God move and direct our steps in incredible ways.
This fall, we uncovered some issues with our roof which could have paralyzed us in fear. Yet we know God is faithful and so we trust him to provide all that we need. It is a need not a want that propelled us to pray about doing a gofundme campaign. There is always a part of us that fears the word 'neediness!' but we come back to realizing that we should not be ashamed of being in need. God even says, you have not because you have not asked. So we have been taking steps to tell of our need and to seek God. No matter what God is our supply and we trust Him.
There are other things that are percolating in us that we are beginning to pray about. Exciting things of faith! We can't wait to tell you all about it!
Here is our fund...Much love from all three of us!
We have battled through some tough things this year, but we have also seen God move and direct our steps in incredible ways.
This fall, we uncovered some issues with our roof which could have paralyzed us in fear. Yet we know God is faithful and so we trust him to provide all that we need. It is a need not a want that propelled us to pray about doing a gofundme campaign. There is always a part of us that fears the word 'neediness!' but we come back to realizing that we should not be ashamed of being in need. God even says, you have not because you have not asked. So we have been taking steps to tell of our need and to seek God. No matter what God is our supply and we trust Him.
There are other things that are percolating in us that we are beginning to pray about. Exciting things of faith! We can't wait to tell you all about it!
Here is our fund...Much love from all three of us!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Summer Vacation
This summer marks a first for our family. This year the vacation wasn't filled with catch up work or much needed fixes at the house, rather we decided that we would use our 2 weeks to get away. As I sit in our dining room and look at the projects still unfinished I guard myself against anxiety and remember that just yesterday we arrived home.
It all started with some friends at Church who asked us if we would like to use their cabin for a week. We checked the schedule for a week that would work and then booked it. As we prepared to go, they mentioned that we could use it for however long we wanted. REALLY? One week turned into 2. It was one of the first times in our marriage that we didn't piggy back our holiday alongside a ministry trip. It felt so different to plan to just go away and enjoy one another in nature. We planned, packed and headed out. When we arrived we unloaded, and decided that a tradition needed to be started with this little family and so it began with pizza and a walk to the ice cream store.
I need adventure and time to create and write.
This summer has blown me away with how amazing God is. In the midst of our incredible lack, God's power and provision is made perfect in our admittance of our need.
Thank you God for your incredible ways that you bless and provide everything that we need and even the things we want sometimes. How marvelous are your ways! May you God be glorified and lifted up in all that we do, say and create. Amen
It all started with some friends at Church who asked us if we would like to use their cabin for a week. We checked the schedule for a week that would work and then booked it. As we prepared to go, they mentioned that we could use it for however long we wanted. REALLY? One week turned into 2. It was one of the first times in our marriage that we didn't piggy back our holiday alongside a ministry trip. It felt so different to plan to just go away and enjoy one another in nature. We planned, packed and headed out. When we arrived we unloaded, and decided that a tradition needed to be started with this little family and so it began with pizza and a walk to the ice cream store.
I need adventure and time to create and write.
This summer has blown me away with how amazing God is. In the midst of our incredible lack, God's power and provision is made perfect in our admittance of our need.
Thank you God for your incredible ways that you bless and provide everything that we need and even the things we want sometimes. How marvelous are your ways! May you God be glorified and lifted up in all that we do, say and create. Amen
Monday, May 05, 2014
Rejuvenated by the WORD!
You (GOD) STAY the same through the ages!
This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a conference to hear Leonard Sweet speak. Strange as it may be, I've never really heard of him prior to the conference. I haven't read any of his approx 60 books but I did hear about Soul Tsunami once!
So I was going with no expectations and wondered what I was in for! The Conference began with Joel Auge who sang a beautiful song that he wrote for his wife. (again, never heard of the guy either!) But WOW his voice is incredible!
Leonard Sweet spoke about Revival and the 3 things that are important to keep in mind:
1. People return to Scriptures
2. People read Scriptures in language of the Culture
3. We RE-DISCOVER JESUS!
He talked about advertising being sermons. How we are inundated with sermons all day long, everywhere we go. Advertising in our culture today is telling stories. They use few words if any, a great soundtrack and great imagery. Culture isn't about words anymore, it's about a story. In all respect advertising is about having the best story, because the best one wins. As Christian's we have the Greatest Story that is never told and each one of us has a story, yet it's secondary to the GREATEST Story (The WORD!)
Do we know the word? Or do we know 'words'? Do we know key verses in the bible which we can say at the drop of a hat? Do we know the back story to those verses and do we know the root metaphors? Can we get past verse-a-titus and can we tell a compelling story where people will re-discover Jesus?
Some of the thoughts that came to my mind as Leonard spoke was:
a. Don't build your life story on another persons life story but build it on THE STORY. (word of God) This way we won't be disappointed when our story doesn't look like another persons story.
b. That peeling an artichoke is much better analogy than peeling the onion because the artichoke heart is the treasure and at the core of an onion is nothing but onion!
c. Jesus calls us into tribes of HIS making, not our choosing.
In all honesty, I was compelled. I needed rejuvenation in the area of reading the word and this enlivened my faith to read the word in a different way. To dig for the back story and find the root metaphor. Even by using one word only...and finding the rich narrafor (As Leonard says which is a mix of stories and metaphors) in this place.
I'm also reminded that in this place of being rejuvenated, my trust and faith comes first and foremost not in the compelling speech of man, but in the word of God which brings life and the ultimate rejuvenation that I need. Leonard is far from perfect. He's well read, and has controversy by his name in the midst of being a compelling speaker. We need to be mindful and alert when we listen to anyone speak. Are they speaking mysticism? Truth? Maybe a mix of both? And learn to dissect what people say, not holding everything they say as truth, just because it makes us feel good.
I walked away refreshed to read the word of God. That is a great thing. Because the TRUTH is that the Word of God brings life, renewal and grounds us in knowing Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a conference to hear Leonard Sweet speak. Strange as it may be, I've never really heard of him prior to the conference. I haven't read any of his approx 60 books but I did hear about Soul Tsunami once!
So I was going with no expectations and wondered what I was in for! The Conference began with Joel Auge who sang a beautiful song that he wrote for his wife. (again, never heard of the guy either!) But WOW his voice is incredible!
Leonard Sweet spoke about Revival and the 3 things that are important to keep in mind:
1. People return to Scriptures
2. People read Scriptures in language of the Culture
3. We RE-DISCOVER JESUS!
He talked about advertising being sermons. How we are inundated with sermons all day long, everywhere we go. Advertising in our culture today is telling stories. They use few words if any, a great soundtrack and great imagery. Culture isn't about words anymore, it's about a story. In all respect advertising is about having the best story, because the best one wins. As Christian's we have the Greatest Story that is never told and each one of us has a story, yet it's secondary to the GREATEST Story (The WORD!)
Do we know the word? Or do we know 'words'? Do we know key verses in the bible which we can say at the drop of a hat? Do we know the back story to those verses and do we know the root metaphors? Can we get past verse-a-titus and can we tell a compelling story where people will re-discover Jesus?
Some of the thoughts that came to my mind as Leonard spoke was:
a. Don't build your life story on another persons life story but build it on THE STORY. (word of God) This way we won't be disappointed when our story doesn't look like another persons story.
b. That peeling an artichoke is much better analogy than peeling the onion because the artichoke heart is the treasure and at the core of an onion is nothing but onion!
c. Jesus calls us into tribes of HIS making, not our choosing.
In all honesty, I was compelled. I needed rejuvenation in the area of reading the word and this enlivened my faith to read the word in a different way. To dig for the back story and find the root metaphor. Even by using one word only...and finding the rich narrafor (As Leonard says which is a mix of stories and metaphors) in this place.
I'm also reminded that in this place of being rejuvenated, my trust and faith comes first and foremost not in the compelling speech of man, but in the word of God which brings life and the ultimate rejuvenation that I need. Leonard is far from perfect. He's well read, and has controversy by his name in the midst of being a compelling speaker. We need to be mindful and alert when we listen to anyone speak. Are they speaking mysticism? Truth? Maybe a mix of both? And learn to dissect what people say, not holding everything they say as truth, just because it makes us feel good.
I walked away refreshed to read the word of God. That is a great thing. Because the TRUTH is that the Word of God brings life, renewal and grounds us in knowing Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit.
Friday, May 02, 2014
Authority of God or is he Grey?
Revelation 12:11"They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of
their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from
death."
There is plenty of talk out there about gender and acceptance and conversation and even the notion of a Grey God!
There are those in culture today that are needing to authentically hold to defining themselves based on their feelings and desires. You know what? I'm so okay with that notion in the secular world, where people are needing to find truth and definition, in the things they face. That is the human condition in many respects. Yet, for the believer it's a different matter. Human ideologies and sentimentality are far from the things we are called to hold tight to. We in all definition no longer exist. That may be a hard reality. There are times when I so want to live. My flesh wants to live yet it needs to come under authority. Maybe in the midst of the equation we've held the notion that we no longer need to come under any type of authority. OUCH!
Merriam Webster online dictionary states that:
Authority (noun)
-the power to give orders or make decisions
-the power or right to direct or control someone or something
-the confident quality of someone who knows a lot about something or who is respected or obeyed by other people
-the quality that makes something seem true or real
I think of the Lord God Almighty, the alpha and omega...the creator of all things and the God who ultimately showed mercy to the world by sending his son Jesus to die and rise again, who bore all our sin and humanness on the cross. This is our hope to which we stand and proclaim to a lost generation. In the midst of this as believers, do we hold fast to the truth that God still had the power and authority to give orders and make decisions? Does God have the power, right to direct and control someone or something? Does God know a lot? Is God respected and obeyed by his people? Or in our waiting for Christ's return do we build our own idols of worship?
Is the authoritative word of God makes it real and true? Or do we need to water it down to appease our human condition.
These are thoughts I have today. I know the extravagant love of Papa God who graciously saved me from my own doing. My own sinfulness and choices to self define myself based on my broken human condition. (which is the truth of everyone of us...for all have fallen short...)
Romans 3:21-24 out of the messages reads:
21-24 But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.
The lie in what is spreading throughout culture is that you can't find or have JOY or HOPE in the midst of a struggle against our flesh. I'm speaking specifically in terms of same sex attraction. But we can say the same for anything our flesh desires! Give in to gluttony, give in to putting your trust in your own riches, give in to self indulgent (worship) behaviors like masturbation and porn use. Scripture is full of verses that tell us to BEWARE of our flesh as it can so easily draw us away from the truth. The TRUTH sets us free, it doesn't put us back into slavery (and slavery can feel good because it's familiar, it's easy if we are treated right!)
The truth is that many people have fallen away from the gospel, because they've had to 'try to gain perfection', they've had to 'try' to be like every one else that they've seen and heard around them. To be 'delivered' to be 'set free' to be 'changed' must mean we no longer struggle with sin or our human condition. When we hear "Change is Possible" what does that mean? Is change possible? It depends on what you define CHANGE to be. If it means I put my faith in no longer struggling or facing the shadows of my sinfulness, then I've got it wrong. For myself, I've had to make peace with my past. I've had to acknowledge the good and the bad things that have happened and how it has shaped me to who I am today.
I'm a Christ follower who loves God more than my own life. More than my own desires and wants and needs could be. (and I am FAR from PERFECT) Part of that equation also means that I need to submit my life to the control of the Holy Spirit who gives me wisdom and understanding. I'm called to serve my wife in this posture of my own submission. To love her like Jesus loved the Church. I'm called to raise my daughter in the ways of the Lord. Train her up so she doesn't depart from the truth! I'm called to love and encourage...and love and encourage and then do that again, over and over again. I'm also called to always be ready to share the hope within me...and that the power of my testimony and the blood of the lamb defeats the enemy...and I am not to be afraid to lose my life!
So where are you at with the Authority of God these days? How is the battle of your human condition? May you be encouraged to continue on the path set before you, not loving your life so much that you are afraid to lose it...and may you encourage and spur others on in authentic community relationship. Be authentic and real with your journey.
I LOVE Aaron Keyes and the worship that is happening...and I've posted a youtube clip of a song that continues to speak the gospel to my heart and encourage me....may it do the same with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkMbhydU9I&feature=kp
There is plenty of talk out there about gender and acceptance and conversation and even the notion of a Grey God!
There are those in culture today that are needing to authentically hold to defining themselves based on their feelings and desires. You know what? I'm so okay with that notion in the secular world, where people are needing to find truth and definition, in the things they face. That is the human condition in many respects. Yet, for the believer it's a different matter. Human ideologies and sentimentality are far from the things we are called to hold tight to. We in all definition no longer exist. That may be a hard reality. There are times when I so want to live. My flesh wants to live yet it needs to come under authority. Maybe in the midst of the equation we've held the notion that we no longer need to come under any type of authority. OUCH!
Merriam Webster online dictionary states that:
Authority (noun)
-the power to give orders or make decisions
-the power or right to direct or control someone or something
-the confident quality of someone who knows a lot about something or who is respected or obeyed by other people
-the quality that makes something seem true or real
I think of the Lord God Almighty, the alpha and omega...the creator of all things and the God who ultimately showed mercy to the world by sending his son Jesus to die and rise again, who bore all our sin and humanness on the cross. This is our hope to which we stand and proclaim to a lost generation. In the midst of this as believers, do we hold fast to the truth that God still had the power and authority to give orders and make decisions? Does God have the power, right to direct and control someone or something? Does God know a lot? Is God respected and obeyed by his people? Or in our waiting for Christ's return do we build our own idols of worship?
Is the authoritative word of God makes it real and true? Or do we need to water it down to appease our human condition.
These are thoughts I have today. I know the extravagant love of Papa God who graciously saved me from my own doing. My own sinfulness and choices to self define myself based on my broken human condition. (which is the truth of everyone of us...for all have fallen short...)
Romans 3:21-24 out of the messages reads:
21-24 But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.
The lie in what is spreading throughout culture is that you can't find or have JOY or HOPE in the midst of a struggle against our flesh. I'm speaking specifically in terms of same sex attraction. But we can say the same for anything our flesh desires! Give in to gluttony, give in to putting your trust in your own riches, give in to self indulgent (worship) behaviors like masturbation and porn use. Scripture is full of verses that tell us to BEWARE of our flesh as it can so easily draw us away from the truth. The TRUTH sets us free, it doesn't put us back into slavery (and slavery can feel good because it's familiar, it's easy if we are treated right!)
The truth is that many people have fallen away from the gospel, because they've had to 'try to gain perfection', they've had to 'try' to be like every one else that they've seen and heard around them. To be 'delivered' to be 'set free' to be 'changed' must mean we no longer struggle with sin or our human condition. When we hear "Change is Possible" what does that mean? Is change possible? It depends on what you define CHANGE to be. If it means I put my faith in no longer struggling or facing the shadows of my sinfulness, then I've got it wrong. For myself, I've had to make peace with my past. I've had to acknowledge the good and the bad things that have happened and how it has shaped me to who I am today.
I'm a Christ follower who loves God more than my own life. More than my own desires and wants and needs could be. (and I am FAR from PERFECT) Part of that equation also means that I need to submit my life to the control of the Holy Spirit who gives me wisdom and understanding. I'm called to serve my wife in this posture of my own submission. To love her like Jesus loved the Church. I'm called to raise my daughter in the ways of the Lord. Train her up so she doesn't depart from the truth! I'm called to love and encourage...and love and encourage and then do that again, over and over again. I'm also called to always be ready to share the hope within me...and that the power of my testimony and the blood of the lamb defeats the enemy...and I am not to be afraid to lose my life!
So where are you at with the Authority of God these days? How is the battle of your human condition? May you be encouraged to continue on the path set before you, not loving your life so much that you are afraid to lose it...and may you encourage and spur others on in authentic community relationship. Be authentic and real with your journey.
I LOVE Aaron Keyes and the worship that is happening...and I've posted a youtube clip of a song that continues to speak the gospel to my heart and encourage me....may it do the same with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPkMbhydU9I&feature=kp
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Yes...I'm still around!!
I'm still around but have been pretty silent this past year.
It's been a year of transitions and with that comes a time to reflect on the nature of things! (that sounds environmental, but I'm thinking more in lines with the spiritual environment!)
This past year I transitioned from para-Church Ministry to an Associate Pastor position. It has been a great time of learning and expanding but also a time of deconstruction. I feel very much like God has been doing a renovation inside me as I've stepped into this new role.
There are several areas under renovations and I think I'll be writing more about that in the months to come.
Originally I was thinking I might shut down this blog but I re-thought that decision today because the importance of a JOURNEY OUT is even more significant than ever. In a culture that is trying to manipulate and re-direct the 'Church', it's crucial that we hold firm to the belief that God is in the renovation business. "He takes what is used, masked and well hidden, binds every cord and nail deeply driven!"* God comes in and makes something new out of our false ideas, identities and transforms us.
Let me stop right right here and qualify: TO BE MADE NEW does not mean we NEVER STRUGGLE with the things we identified with. I think the idea to struggle with something means that we have not found freedom. Our struggle is made beautiful in the full work of Jesus on the cross. To many this is foolishness, but to those who believe it means sacrifice. It means we have entered into a glorious relationship with Jesus where we begin to be erased of importance and the GLORY of our GOD becomes the utterly more significant than our lives. As our 'self' shrinks we begin to see through the eyes of Christ, those around us to whom we are called to serve, encourage and spur on toward the finish line! We begin to see that every choice I make or don't make has consequences not just to me but it also affects my brother and sister. This is the little yeast...spoils the whole batch...(Gal 5:9) and 1 Cor 12:26 when one part suffers we all suffer.
We matter to God and so every part of our lives matter. As I have been meditating on this I keep getting an image of a wedding dress, representing the whole picture of the body of Christ. Not just an individual but all of us. I see it brilliant and white, but then a small dirty spot appears and then another, and another and soon the dress looks shabby and old and ugly. (corpse bride) When we conscript to the idea that it's okay to be a Christian and identify falsely, we begin to see our identity as more important than the whole body. Legitimizing our sinful nature to appease our feelings and living or lives based on feelings rather than the word of God is a slippery slope! .
(some examples)
Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and is exceedingly corrupt. Who can know it?
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
rather:
Romans 10:17 - Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Faith does not come by feelings or by praying for emotional experiences.
"But Kenny," you say, "that's just not fair! That means I might be alone the rest of my life. What your saying is that I don't matter?"
On the contrary...you matter and the way you live matters. I know full well this struggle and for years I prayed and pleaded with God to take away my same sex attraction. After 20 years of struggling I came out and identified myself with my feelings. I boldly proclaimed that I was born gay and I could be proud of this identity. The truth is, I didn't just one day turn a switch, but it was a gradual process of beginning to put my trust in my feelings, and that took me to the place of describing myself as gay. That identity slowly encapsulated my whole being. It took me from just describing myself as gay to fully embracing a sexuality that liberated me from a sense of being alone.
Years later, after a profound encounter with God, I knew I mattered, but I knew that HIS TRUTH mattered more. I understood that I could very well struggle the rest of my life with same sex attractions..why would I think otherwise. God's not a magician...waving a magic wand around, I had made choices in my life that solidified memories and unless I got amnesia I had to make peace with that! My peace is that I'm not identified by my old nature. Though I may struggle, my definition of who I am does not go contrary to the word of God and who He says I am. When I am in doubt I go to the word of God...rather than to others who may well affirm my feelings and doubts. I go to others who will affirm the word of God and the truth that sets me free.
We are called to do this in all areas of our lives. How many of us as we go through longings that are unfulfilled to our liking take an easier route or detour? Or we put up a false identity of who we aren't just to appease those around us? (particularly others in the Church)
When we begin to doubt God's faithfulness, or His Trustworthiness...do we keep this hidden and inwardly struggle? Or can we openly dialogue with another person...maybe someone whose been there...who can speak TRUTH to our doubt! Kind of like Thomas with Jesus...Thomas needed to put his fingers in the holes of Jesus' hands and feet to believe. Sometimes we need to hear the truth in tangible ways to enliven our faith and spur us to continue to walk the path set before us.
I am deeply thankful for the men and women who continue to speak TRUTH...in particular those who continue to walk with the shadowy struggle of same sex attraction, who know that this doesn't define them, rather, it's a place of deep dependence on Jesus who points to a Father who perfectly defines them...and in this place live a life abundantly full!
It's been a year of transitions and with that comes a time to reflect on the nature of things! (that sounds environmental, but I'm thinking more in lines with the spiritual environment!)
This past year I transitioned from para-Church Ministry to an Associate Pastor position. It has been a great time of learning and expanding but also a time of deconstruction. I feel very much like God has been doing a renovation inside me as I've stepped into this new role.
There are several areas under renovations and I think I'll be writing more about that in the months to come.
Originally I was thinking I might shut down this blog but I re-thought that decision today because the importance of a JOURNEY OUT is even more significant than ever. In a culture that is trying to manipulate and re-direct the 'Church', it's crucial that we hold firm to the belief that God is in the renovation business. "He takes what is used, masked and well hidden, binds every cord and nail deeply driven!"* God comes in and makes something new out of our false ideas, identities and transforms us.
Let me stop right right here and qualify: TO BE MADE NEW does not mean we NEVER STRUGGLE with the things we identified with. I think the idea to struggle with something means that we have not found freedom. Our struggle is made beautiful in the full work of Jesus on the cross. To many this is foolishness, but to those who believe it means sacrifice. It means we have entered into a glorious relationship with Jesus where we begin to be erased of importance and the GLORY of our GOD becomes the utterly more significant than our lives. As our 'self' shrinks we begin to see through the eyes of Christ, those around us to whom we are called to serve, encourage and spur on toward the finish line! We begin to see that every choice I make or don't make has consequences not just to me but it also affects my brother and sister. This is the little yeast...spoils the whole batch...(Gal 5:9) and 1 Cor 12:26 when one part suffers we all suffer.
We matter to God and so every part of our lives matter. As I have been meditating on this I keep getting an image of a wedding dress, representing the whole picture of the body of Christ. Not just an individual but all of us. I see it brilliant and white, but then a small dirty spot appears and then another, and another and soon the dress looks shabby and old and ugly. (corpse bride) When we conscript to the idea that it's okay to be a Christian and identify falsely, we begin to see our identity as more important than the whole body. Legitimizing our sinful nature to appease our feelings and living or lives based on feelings rather than the word of God is a slippery slope! .
(some examples)
Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things and is exceedingly corrupt. Who can know it?
Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
rather:
Romans 10:17 - Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Faith does not come by feelings or by praying for emotional experiences.
"But Kenny," you say, "that's just not fair! That means I might be alone the rest of my life. What your saying is that I don't matter?"
On the contrary...you matter and the way you live matters. I know full well this struggle and for years I prayed and pleaded with God to take away my same sex attraction. After 20 years of struggling I came out and identified myself with my feelings. I boldly proclaimed that I was born gay and I could be proud of this identity. The truth is, I didn't just one day turn a switch, but it was a gradual process of beginning to put my trust in my feelings, and that took me to the place of describing myself as gay. That identity slowly encapsulated my whole being. It took me from just describing myself as gay to fully embracing a sexuality that liberated me from a sense of being alone.
Years later, after a profound encounter with God, I knew I mattered, but I knew that HIS TRUTH mattered more. I understood that I could very well struggle the rest of my life with same sex attractions..why would I think otherwise. God's not a magician...waving a magic wand around, I had made choices in my life that solidified memories and unless I got amnesia I had to make peace with that! My peace is that I'm not identified by my old nature. Though I may struggle, my definition of who I am does not go contrary to the word of God and who He says I am. When I am in doubt I go to the word of God...rather than to others who may well affirm my feelings and doubts. I go to others who will affirm the word of God and the truth that sets me free.
We are called to do this in all areas of our lives. How many of us as we go through longings that are unfulfilled to our liking take an easier route or detour? Or we put up a false identity of who we aren't just to appease those around us? (particularly others in the Church)
When we begin to doubt God's faithfulness, or His Trustworthiness...do we keep this hidden and inwardly struggle? Or can we openly dialogue with another person...maybe someone whose been there...who can speak TRUTH to our doubt! Kind of like Thomas with Jesus...Thomas needed to put his fingers in the holes of Jesus' hands and feet to believe. Sometimes we need to hear the truth in tangible ways to enliven our faith and spur us to continue to walk the path set before us.
I am deeply thankful for the men and women who continue to speak TRUTH...in particular those who continue to walk with the shadowy struggle of same sex attraction, who know that this doesn't define them, rather, it's a place of deep dependence on Jesus who points to a Father who perfectly defines them...and in this place live a life abundantly full!
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