I've always been one to respond somewhat quickly to requests, posts, blogs, comments but as of July 1st, I have been somewhat distant. Not because I don't care but because I have had little reserve to do much of anything other than take care of myself and my family. (Even that, I feel I am not doing as well as hoped!)
But I also recognize that I am hard on myself. I don't give credit even to myself when due!
I've had the opportunity to reflect back on the last 8 years. It's been somewhat of a whirlwind. So much has transpired in a short 8 years. I don't want to get stuck looking back, but I am compiling my writings and seeing nuances of thought and emotions. Wow! Crazy!
What I realized is that I experienced what to many would be considered serious trauma. When I returned from Vancouver I connected with a ministry, and within a year was in a Full Time Ministry position. I don't have any regrets, but if I was to talk to someone in the similar space, I would caution them to consider taking a few years to heal and restore before jumping into ministry full time. Then I got married...lost babies, had a baby, lost a baby! All the while trying to heal and restore!...breath...and now I'm tired! Life has a way of catching up on you!
I think in many regards, I became a poster child for the Church! A symbol of hope! As did Paula, our marriage and in many respects our daughter as well! I understand that people really do need hope! Hope for their own loved ones. When we hear a heart moving testimony it evokes hope!
1 Peter 3:15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.
Revelation 12:11 "And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death...
We know in our hearts that to share our testimony does cause people's hope to rise. That's good! But it can't be the be all and end all in terms of our growth or identity. Our hope needs to come from Jesus Christ. Our identity solely in Jesus.
I don't want to be a poster child, nor do I want our marriage and child to be plastered on posters..."Come see the ex-gays...and their kid! Look what God has done! Look what He can do in your loved ones life!"
I want people to meet Jesus...PERIOD! To find their identity in Him. He's the one we need to plaster on a poster...and worship...not man, not us! Sure, I'll share the hope within me, and be ready with the word of my testimony...because I don't fear death and I'm not afraid to lose my life, but I will always lift up Jesus higher than my life and even what He has done in my life.
He is worthy to be praised...forever and a day!
8 comments:
Kenny, your words are very perceptive! I can see how your family would become like a poster-child sort of thing. I never put it into words but now that you have I can see it. In fact, I was going to ask you some advice when we see you this summer, but I remember that we were going to have some fun...and that is what we will do!
I affirm you in pointing people to the source of your freedom...JESUS! Amen, brother!
How I hope your time of rest is refreshing and enlightening. I can't believe how much I have learned through being forced to rest this year...and then motivated to get moving in different ways then I expected. I too feel that I have never really been able to process the trauma in our lives because we've been in ministry through it all. I pray for healing and wholeness in this time in your lives.
Thanks for sharing your heart Kenny. Rest well - breath deeply the restoring breaths you desire and need as Jesus tends to your needs. He has already been lifted up for all of us. As you continue to gaze up at Him others will see your gaze and look up too! Your writings/comments have always inspired me to do that.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
Drink deeply from His well my friends. Drink deeply.
Renew.
Refuel.
Refresh.
REST.
Be still and know that HE IS GOD.
just
breathe!
praying for your sabbath rest - all of you.
Really good Kenny..through faith and patience you will inherit ALL His good promises! :) xxoo Love you all!
Take care of yourself Kenny. Peace and blessings.
Well said brother!
Yeah, I remember your speedy jump into ministry and wondered about it but I also know that God has used you and you have been a blessing to many. Are you able to step back some from the stress?
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