Wednesday, February 18, 2015

New Normal?

A year ago in March, my life got a bit shaken up...well maybe I should say my brain did.

I had attended our Churches Men's retreat and during an extra long game of broomball, I had an extraordinary fall.  It was during the shoot off to find out who the winner would be and I tried my best to whack that ball to get the win, but instead I wiped out and my ribs landed on the broom, which landed on the ice.  I heard the crunch and I could barely breath.  I slowly got up and it was an extremely painful night.  I arrived home the next day in considerable pain and so I was told I should really go to emergency to get an xray, which I knew wouldn't really show anything and if it did, what could they really do anyway but tape my ribs.

While I was in the emergency room, I was eventually called in and the pain was so intense that the nurse gave me 2 percocet.  I had never taken anything like that before and within 10 minutes I was experiencing some not so good side effects.  I eventually felt like I was going to throw up and instead I passed out.  Problem was, I couldn't lay down and so I was standing by the bed and I fell forward into an empty shelving unit.

When I woke up I was laying on the bed, incoherent.  I had a terrible headache and my chest still hurt like crazy.  Eventually they had taken the xrays of my chest and told me that I most likely had gotten a concussion from the fall.  A few hours later they sent me home in a taxi.

Thinking back on this event, I am surprised at a number of things and could well have seen things go far worse.  The bruising on my head was dramatic and so began the healing of the concussion.  I didn't know what to expect, but I began to feel like my life was slowly turning inward.  I would get frustrated by the little things, tiredness came on me in increasing ways, I could sleep and sleep, and when I did awake, I never felt rested.  I began to notice personality changes and I didn't like it so much.  I'd get frustrated quicker and my spacial environment needed to be just so.  I am thankful for a wonderful woman like my wife, but she was also dealing with an auto-immune disease which began to affect her ability to walk.  I wondered...Lord?  What is wrong here?  Are you trying to teach us something or grow our dependence on him in increasing ways?

We didn't talk much about these ailments.  Maybe because our life has been very open to the world to see and this felt like something we could hold onto.

My wife got healed in a dramatic way and I continue to heal.  The Dr is not sure where I will land in my healing or how long it will take.  I still find it difficult to find a word while speaking, or a fog will come over me, feelings of being lightheaded...and dizziness make me want to stay in bed.  I can tell most days when I wake up if it will be a good day, bad day or one that is just not as productive as I had wanted.

But in this place I have grown in my dependence on God.  He truly is my source and my place I have got to run to for shelter.  I've grown to realize that sleep is important and I need it.  I've realized that good eating habits and exercise have to be in my life in order for me to function.

Be still and know that I am God...has become real and powerful for me.  This has caused me to be still and find god in this season of waiting.

It is my new normal!


stanw said...

Praying for you, Kenny, that you will feel complete relief soon, and sleep. Stay strong in the Lord. Yes, He is able to do abundantly above what we ask or think.

Paul Steve said...
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