Does God speak? In the silence of the wilderness, in the shattering noise of a city street? What does it mean to wrestle with gender, and not accept the standard of just being gay? What does it mean to speak about that journey, accepting others, yet still be true to your own self? This is my journey out of silence, out of the shadows of others, not afraid of my own voice, rather, listening to my Rabbi speak my name, giving me strength.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Filled With Joy
Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.
I’ve been thinking about this thing called Joy for quite some time. It’s been a long season of trying to figure out happiness versus joy. You see, for most of my life happiness was my goal. How I felt was important and it weighed heavily on my day to day activities and how I viewed myself as a person.
I would seek out things that would illicit happiness. This could be material items, a scenic place to take photos, an intimate connection with someone, and though I would feel some emotion, the happy feeling would soon vanish and all I was left with was a material item, or a memory of a connection with someone, and a dark cloud over my head. Troubles mounted in my life like a pent-up volcano and it ended up erupting. There had to be more to life than what I was pursuing? How could I be content in emotional happiness and what was this thing called joy?
This brought me to a place of connection with God my Father who lovingly began to show me my value and his power in my weak emotional state. He began to show me that I could trust him with all my heart and He would help me through this journey. Yet it felt like I was in a valley of misery.
Early on in my faith journey I read Psalm 18:7 and I thought, ‘it’s rather difficult to burst out in songs of thanksgiving when you are in a valley of trouble’ and yet what I began to see is that this is the place our songs need to sing out louder than ever. Sure, some of my troubles began to vanish, but I still had struggles. I faced unimaginable pain in losing children through miscarriage, my wife becoming quite sick from a chronic illness, and financial burdens weighing me down. The realities of life began to feel more like a Job existence. So, I sat in the midst of all the realities of life and began to breathe deeply and gave thanks. It started small like a child singing a nursery song for the first time and it grew to a quartet, then a chamber choir until finally my thanksgiving was like a full ensemble. An orchestra with a majestic choir.
Songs of thanksgiving come from being aware of every moment and second of your life. Being mindful of the breath that I take which reminds me that God has given me this exact moment to live and allow Him to be glorified in and through my life. Listening carefully to my neighbour and enjoying who they are is being thankful that God created us all in unique and wonderful ways and to celebrate this by bearing with one another’s differences in love. Calling out to God for help when the going get’s tough and knowing that His help will come in His perfect timing and His help often looks completely different than what I would have thought or imagined. This posture of giving thanks isn’t always easy. Sometimes the full ensemble can diminish and become like that child again, just learning to sing, but at least there is a song.
The difficult experiences that we may face as we live our lives as believers is always the place where God wants to show up and be God. It is in these experiences where not only do we see God, but others see his manifest glory. Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever. The Lord is our strength and shield. We can trust him with all our hearts. He helps us, and our heart are filled with joy. So today, let us stop, look and listen to the Lord who gives us breath and burst out into songs of thanksgiving.
Labels:
chronic illness,
faith,
finances,
God,
grief,
happiness,
Jesus,
joy,
miscarriage,
thanksgiving
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