what kind of titles do I come up with?

So, another shift at Hesed tonight. Today, we just laughed...thanks Napoleon D, for the comic relief.
So thoughts on 40? Some people say it is the best time of their lives...I think so. For someone who has dreamed of children and a wife, sometimes that seems so far off.
Who knows if that will happen for me, right now I am content. Content to figure out Kenny's likes and dislikes. What do I like doing when I am by myself, or with others? It is rather fun actually. So come on 40!!!!
After sharing at soul, some doors are starting to open in refreshing ways and just amazing opportunities have come up...which I will share later, right now I am praying. I am trusting. I am looking to my Father for strength, courage and boldness that I have never experienced before.
Today, I remembered thanks to a relative of mine, some great memories that I can be thankful for when I was growing up. Times spent with cousins, aunts and uncles. Safe. Even though life was still messy and sometimes ugly, I can look back and almost smell times spent at my grandparents...or biking on country roads, or standing under the bridge with my cousins smoking...crazy youth!!! But those memories last. It was like a haven...a time for rest, before the storm of life came again. Life was not "peachie" but life was not "horrific either".
I am reading...To own a Dragon...by Donald Miller and he talks about what it means to be a man.
John Eldredge in Wild at Heart says this:
We all carry a father wound, and unless our father convinces us we have what it takes, we are probably going to flounder for a while.

Donald Miller goes and explains, that he threw the book across the room, finally picking it up again and reading. He says this:
The thing I believe about manhood now is that it lives within the male from a very early age, and sometimes it gets awakened, sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't matter how old you are...a man is a man is a man.

It is a great read so far...I recommend it for those who struggle with being a man, in our North American crisis of fatherlessness.

stories

I sit here listening to Sufjan Stevens...you are not alone...you never leave...I love you cannot be said a better way. It's everything you promised!

Today, a step out into greater vulnerability...first time...totally,opening up my life for all to see. To see how God has moved in and taken over.

God has redeemed my life. It is exciting and wonderful. Who really cares who knows my past and present and future. All I know is that I am laying it all down. I lay down my life and give it all over to God. Use me Lord in ways, that I cannot fully comprehend. The world may look at me and shake their heads...saying I am not being myself and using you as a crutch, but I look at it as freedom to be who you have called me to be. I look at it as laying down my life for others. To take my eyes off myself.

Today, I shared my life...with those in my community where I worship and live life. It was emotionally charged and exhausting. But people surrounded me with tears, hugs and encouragement beyond my belief. I look to you Oh God with wonder and amazement. Your promises are true. You restore the years the locusts have eaten. It is never too late for anyone to stop and look to you. To ask for transformation and forgiveness. Why wait?

I turn 40 this month...aaaahhhhh...it seems so old, yet I feel so young. I have a new lease on life. A brand new day beginning.
I am blessed to be a part of Soul Sanctuary. An authentic place to worship and be me.
Spent the evening enjoying working at Hesed. Serving and taking the eyes off of me. Then relaxing at home and talking with my brother who is a gift.

Planning a trip...celebrating my birthday in ways that I have always wanted. I am enjoying the gift that you have given me. Life. God you are amazing and true to your word.

Well, gotta run...will post tomorrow too.
Shalom...and thanks for all of those who listened to me speak yesterday. To those who warmly hugged me and thanked me for being honest and real. Stories are worth telling. Tell yours.

Intimacy

What does it all mean?
Went to the Exodus Regional Conference in "beautiful...take my breath away...Wisconsin" and the special guest speakers spoke on Intimacy with God. What it looks like and how we live our lives out of that Intimacy.
I was encouraged, challenged, drawn by the love of God in a deeper way. How fully do I give my thoughts and feelings and desires over to God? Do my thoughts, feelings, desires line up to the word of God?
Who's thoughts am I listening to? Are they my thoughts or the firey darts of the enemy, who seeks to confuse me, draw me to be self sufficient and worship false gods?
I came away this weekend with more clarity than ever before. A thirst and a hunger to run after righteousness. A desire to read the word of God, pray without ceasing and to ask for wisdom and revelation for my Heavenly Father.
I want to know that if I step out of the will of my father, I will know.

One night they talked about the 7 longings of the human heart.

1. That God really enjoys us (me): Ephesians 3:16-20...pray this every day until it clicks within you. Nourish our relationship with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit
That God doesn't just love me...He likes me.

2. Longing to be Fascinated: humans grasp at anything that fascinates us. In our broken state we jump at that which gives us pleasure, be it physically, sexually, emotionally.
My prayer is that the Lord will show me his GLORY...try praying this daily

3. Long to be Beautiful: we have a longing to be desired, liked by others. We need a deep connection with how God sees us as beautiful. That we do not need to do things just so that people like us.

4. Longing to be Great: We long for more, we long for greatness and often we try to get that in the world. We should desire for greatness in the kingdom of Heaven. Paul's focus was on the rewards in heaven...yes, there are rewards waiting for us. I desire to be as close to God as possible.

5. Intimacy without shame: long for the stability of love. To boldly go into the throne room of grace. To come before God without shame. Love others without shame.

6. Long to be Whole Hearted and Passionate: Everyones inner soul longs to worship and love God. That is how we are formed. There is a deep inner voice that longs to worship God. We often do not take time to listen, nurture that deep inner call. We fill it with work, relationships, shopping, eating, sex, anything that takes us away from sitting in his presence.

7. Long to make an impact: we want relevance,we want to impact others. All I want to hear is "well done good and faithful servant" God wants to remove all the things that hinder our cries and longings.

God is saying to his people....love me as I have loved you.
God is saying to his people....come to me all who are heavy and laden down and I will give you rest.
God is saying to his people....I will remove that which hinders you.
God is saying to his people....I will give you a passionate life.

So it may not always be easy to walk in relationship with God. He will challenge us, refine us and draw us deeper into relationship with him. It is all about him and His desire for a deeper and more relevant relationship with us. I often run, when there is pain, or I do not "feel" God. In the times when it is the dark night of the soul, I want to press in, even when I do not feel like pressing in. When I do not hear him or see him or understand what is going on, I will try and claim his promises. I will press further into understanding him who has given me breath and life.

I challenge you to meditate on his word everyday. To read and ask God to reveal himself to you. That he would show you his glory in your life.
When there is pain or confusion...press in.
When there is doubt...press in.
When there is numbness...press in.
When there is joy...press in.

God wants and desires a deep, relevant relationship with us. He will do anything to get it...He does it all because He loves us...

Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.

When it says rejoice over you with singing...it literally means, spins wildly over you. Bask in the knowledge that God is wild about you!