Tuesday, August 14, 2007

To fear or not to fear, that is the question

This is a photo of the Mamba, one of the worlds tallest roller coasters and fastest drop speed...and yes...I went on it a few weeks ago.

I have never been on a roller coaster, and this one was the first. At one point, as I waited in line, I thought...where is the nearest exit, but then I also knew I would regret not doing it. So I boarded the car, did up my seat belt and off we went, at least most of me did.

A friend sat beside me, looking at me, asking me if I was scared...uh huh! I could barely get words out of my mouth...he told me to look over and around the sky...um, nope...it was not possible, as I gripped the bar with all my might, as I squeezed my eyes as tight as possible and as I tried to get breath into my lungs. I couldn't breath...I was gripped by fear. I was paralized with fear for the first time in my 40 years of life. Never before had I ever felt this way. I could not move, could not speak, could not open my eyes. All I knew was that we kept going higher and higher...and all of this took place within seconds. Then there was a slight pause...I knew we made it to the top...and even now as I write this, I feel that tingling in my belly button, that weird sensation, much like swinging too high on a swing.

How could I have been so daft as to think I could do this...I am going to perish!

But no, I didn't...the pause was ended by a vertical drop, as I opened my mouth, a groan was all that was heard...what sounded like a death cry...the last utterance of sound...the only sound I could make. I fixate on the sound, because, I thought it would be a girly scream, but no, this came from the depths of my being.

In close to 2 minutes the ride was over, I felt like I was over. Glad to have done it, but realizing that never again, do I need to face that fear, or want to. See, I am afraid of heights. I have always been. Don't ask me when it began, for I cannot remember, all I know is that this man is still afraid of heights. What I can say is this, that I have been on one of the tallest roller coasters and faced a giant fear. I did it. Bought the T-shirt and don't ever need to do the Mamba again.

We did however do 2 more coasters, one a wooden one (which shook us all up) and then one that is inverted...you are hooked from the top and sit in a bucket chair...feet dangling in the air...it was the girly scream ride...the whole time...but one I would do again.

Someone said that if I faced that fear, I can also face marriage...

I am looking forward to that day...nearly upon us, when two are one, and life is working toward goals to serve one another. Living on the less traveled path, knowing there is bumps and turns, branches to look out for, yet doing it with someone who is your best friend and someone you can't see yourself without...for the rest of your life.

It is good...all good.

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