Finding Beauty

Get out and smell the flowers.

I love to garden.  I've written about this before and yet, today I am reminded of the glory of being in the dirt and tending to my small garden.

This week I have had a variety of emotions.  These feelings have been all over the map as I listened and read commentaries and ponder the events that have happened in Orlando and other places in the world.  To be honest, this week as I talked with God I told him, "what were we thinking when we thought about having children?"  I just felt overwhelmed with the magnitude of the changes in culture and the raising of a young child. 

How will she fare?  Will she stay firmly grounded in God's love and truth?  Will she be overcome with cultural dictatorship or will she know her Kingdom is eternally set?  Will she foster love in her heart to those who may act on their fear and spew hate?

These questions I cannot answer, but I felt like the Lord tell me "Kenny, don't worry!  Trust that I will continue to finish the work I started in her, just like I am doing for you!"

I can handle that God!  I don't need to have all the answers, nor do I need to know the end result, I just need to trust you.  In this uncertain time in culture, I decided to just get up and move.  I simply got up and went outside and began walking in my tiny garden.  The poppies and lilies, mock orange and peonies are all in bloom and I began to tend the garden.  I made flower arrangements...for no reason but to have beauty in our house.

Essentially, I went out and began smelling the flowers.  It came with making a decision to get up and move and find beautify in the midst of fear and hatred that I sense all around me.

Not just in nature, but in others, there lies beauty.  Sometimes this beauty is hidden in fear, and in some beauty has turned evil, anger and hate filling them with an inability to see good and beauty in others.  Here, the enemy of life has stolen something that was once a treasure to be fostered and embraced.

Today, as you go about your day, take note of the beautiful treasure that lives in you.  Relish the fact that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made, and in this place you are a gift to others around you.  Don't just stop there, but begin to look for the treasure in others.  Is it hidden?  Does it need encouragement to come out of hiding?  Does it need a good dose of JOY and LOVE?  Look for opportunities to bless rather than curse, to love rather than hate. 

Practical ways to do it you say?

When you're in the coffee line, pay for the next persons coffee, tea or whatever!  Pick up some flowers and give them away. (just don't rob people's gardens please!)  Tell someone they are loved and they have value.  Make a meal for someone, offer to babysit, do something practical.  Practice hospitality, invite people over, do a good deed, visit the sick, go to a personal care home and cheer someone up.  Ask someone how they are doing...really doing!  You never know what will come up, and then ask to pray for them.

Be creative and love.  For love covers over a multitude of stuff...and it really does make a difference.

Bending the knee...

Today, I read another announcement from a young Christian leader welcoming discussion on "why he is dating men" and that he would do this the healthiest way possible because of his relationship with God.

For many people they would embrace this and celebrate his liberty and freedom and yet for me, my heart grieved.  I felt deep sadness in the statement he made.  There was no rejoicing.  My first words out of my mouth were "Lord have mercy!"  I was immediately drawn to the prodigal story.  My thoughts on all of this are for those who are believers...who have been enlightened to the truth of Jesus Christ and the full Gospel. 

Here we have a loving Father who has a son who wants desperately to go his own way.  The son sees all that he has and wants out.  He wants his freedom.  Maybe he felt too confined within the parameters of his Fathers standard.  So his goal is to get what is due him and leave.  So his father gives to him what he is owed (his inheritance) and he goes his own way.  Maybe to find himself...who he really is.  We may think the father would take a passive response...just get on with life, but he would have continually gone to the road to see if his son was coming back...day after day, month after month, year after year.  Maybe people would have mocked the Father...told him to just get on with it, forget about the son, yet I don't see the Father doing that...he waits for the day of his sons return.

Now the son...wanting liberation tries this and that to see what appeals to him.  Living his life to the fullest.  He no longer lives under the confines of his Fathers standard.  He is able to do what pleases him.  He is able to do everything that feels right.  Why would his father not allow him this freedom?  Such a backwards father, stuck in the dark ages of religion, could well have been his thoughts.  Why would a loving Father not allow me to be who I want to be and express that however I feel like?
Until it all crashes around him...when the money is gone...his friends leave and he is left alone.

As I write this...can we link this with an aspect of God handing us over to our desires and our own lusts?  Slowly and inevitably we begin to bend and accept an even broader realm of sexual expression?  We bend our knee not to God but now to a cultural humanistic expression of "what feels good".

What I imagined in this whole scenario and discussion is this:

The "church" the "bride of Christ" is adopting a definition of grace that allows us to go with our feelings.  If we do this then nothing is unacceptable.  Seriously.  Think about it.

I feel attracted to the same gender.  It's not going away as much as I want and so I'm going to still LOVE God with my whole heart and date those of the same gender.  (bending the knee)

I feel attracted to young children and this has never left me.  For as long as I know I have had this attraction so I am going to date young children.  (bending a knee)

I'm married and feel attracted to your spouse and so I'm going to leave my spouse for your spouse.  (bending a knee)

I struggle with same gender attraction and I still feel that attraction, but I'm married.  So I'm going to leave my spouse and take a position that this is what God had for me all along. (bending a knee)

I'm in love with an animal and they love me.  (bending a knee)

I'm in love with my father's wife and she loves me, so we're going to get together.  (bending a knee)

When does the bending stop?  When we begin the dialogue of one issue, we begin the dialogue of another.  We begin to lose the foundation set before us of Godly, healthy sexuality.  Designed and created by God.  Because inevitably, we stop the dialogue!  We stop being generous and gracious!  Because we will view those who hold a standard of faith and a value that sexuality is a sacred and holy expression only in the pastures of a monogamous marriage between one man and one woman as hateful and archaic and unattainable to those in the margins.  That we are being mean and unsympathetic to those who face something different as their reality.  If we welcome the bending of the knee we actually have to lay something down, I have to sacrifice something.  What we lay down is the standard set before us, not from an archaic God who is just out to get us, break us, pound us, enslave us, but one who knows the good of what is best for us in a broken and sinful world.  Who calls us into the fullness of life with Him and to live within the boundary lines that have fallen in good pasture.

Can we use the theory that because we live in a fallen and broken state, if my sexuality is broken than it's okay to embrace my broken sexuality and that God will bring it glory.  We can make license by saying the Church has a double standard, accepting divorced/remarried people to the church but we won't allow gay Christian's there.  These are all excuses to follow our own desires and place ourselves before God.
We proclaim  "God...it's messed up down here, and since you're not doing anything, I will take matters into my own hands...and oh ya...can you bless me too?"  Can you bless my idol worship?

That goes contrary to who God is.  God won't bless idolatry!  Or can he?  You might say...Kenny, that is a hateful thing to say.  But you know what?  If I don't fear God and holiness...I will seek to sooth people.  To pat them and say...ya...that's okay, keep living in the mud and mire and keep saying it's okay and keep saying God will bless it.  But in all honesty can we say that he hands you over?  Things get more muddled and more welcoming and pretty soon, everything that feels good, is good.

I saw this in my own life.  I began believing that same theology.  I listened to the feel good messages of humanism.  Since I always struggled with same gender attraction and God never took it away, I must be gay and I then cannot deny these feelings anymore.  No one had the right to speak what I didn't want to hear.  You needed to bend to my view and if not...you were hateful and unloving.  "Keep your opinion to your self...you self righteous Christian...who excuses all other sin...but mine..."

Some of that was truth...because the bride was looking pretty messy and bending their knee to easy answers and solutions.  Why stay with your spouse after they had an affair?  You have every right to divorce them?
Falling out of love...this is too hard...okay, lets part ways and find our true love and remarry!  Hard realities of truth?  Maybe!

Yet...I saw for myself a different picture of a loving Father who waited for me...but he also released me to go and live contrary to his heart for me.  He never once blessed my actions and said..."Oh Kenny, what you are doing is great!"  He did say this though "I love you with an everlasting love, can you hear me Kenny?  I have so much more that I want to you show...don't settle for this, because this isn't my best for you!"

I see the end result of the prodigal as the young man sitting in the filth and mud of his own making.  His decisions and actions brought him to the mud and mire and he realizes where he is and what he is doing.  He recognizes that even the servants of his father are treated better than this.  Was he remorseful?  Was he repentant?

I think in the loving arms of his father who ran out to greet him with arms full of compassion, tears washing away the mud and mire, soothing the young mans hurt, a father extended grace in the midst of the sons repentance, now being offered much more than he deserved.  How much more is our Father who calls out to us..."My son...My daughter...I love you...come home!  Don't settle for less than what I have for you, which is so much more than what you deserve...COME let me show you My mysterious ways...I'm waiting!"

Fool for Christ

How do I attempt to explain to someone that I once was gay and am no longer? That I am now married to a woman and have a baby?

Culturally speaking I am a fool. I am lying to myself and to my wife and to my daughter. I must be this terrible person stringing my wife along, lying to everyone I know and to myself as well. The voice of culture states that eventually I will come out of the closet and that I will admit my sexuality, and they will applaud my relinquishing my “false identity as a so called straight man”. My so called unhappiness and unfullfillment will lead me out of where I am at present and into the world’s standard of living. Some people looking at my life now, will state that I really wasn’t gay to begin with, that I was probably bi-sexual or just experimenting.

All of this is expressed without the full knowledge of my life and what has happened in my life. These are generalized statements which are made without even knowing me and how I think or feel These are judgment statements, definitely not words of acceptance and diversity, which are used so much in today’s statements of human rights.

Having just returned from a marriage conference which was designed specifically for those whose marriages were impacted by homosexuality in some way, I was reminded of our foolishness in the eyes of the culture of today.

1 Corinthians 1:27 says: “But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;”

To the world marriages which stay together even though impacted by someone who struggles with homosexuality is foolish. The husband or wife (the one who doesn’t struggle with ‘this’ issue) is considered a door mat, naïve, ignorant, stupid and weak, yet God uses the weak things to be strong. He uses the foolish things to confound the wise.
Sadly this is a view that is becoming increasingly more welcomed in the body of Christ. Welcoming the easy way out, as divorce rate rises way past the world’s statistics. Is there hope? Do we believe that God is a God of impossibilities and do we believe that He can do anything? Many marriages have survived the homosexual struggle of a spouse, as they submit their marriage and lives into the healing hands of God, rather than through the eyes of the world. Many lives are being transformed and made new. These lives are changing because of their radical belief in a God who does not leave them undone, empty handed or alone. Trust is being rebuilt in the arms of hope and this takes strength, courage and much submission to the Lord Jesus, rather than trusting in ourselves and our own strength.

This past weekend I met men and women fighting for their lives and for their marriages. I saw and heard them, desperate and needy, pouring out their lives at the foot of the cross and in the body of Christ. The Lord God Almighty heard their cries, wiped their tears and soothed their hearts. These men and women may have looked foolish, weak and sickly dysfunctional to the world standard of strength, but what I saw was genuine strength, courage, honor and love. I saw a community that couldn’t care less of what the world thought, but radically pressed in to serve one another in prayer and love. I saw beauty in the ashes of many couples.

2 Corinthians 12:10 states, “that is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I am thankful that I have this weakness, that I will be insulted by the world, that it will be hard sometimes and I will face plenty of persecution from the world’s eyes, for when I am weak, then I am strong. This foolish standard of pressing in to Christ even as I struggle with same gender issues, this embracing my ‘true identity’ as a male made in the very image of God, designed to walk with my wife as two people united to show the world the character of God is good. Very good. I do it with joy, and with the utmost of gratitude to Christ who was the ultimate fool.