It's all about Trust...oh ya

Roman's 9:30-33

what does all this mean? Even though the Gentiles were not trying to follow God's standards, they were made right with God. And it was by faith that this took place. But the people of Israel, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping the law, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to get right with God by keeping the law instead of by trusting in him. They stumbled over the great rock in their path. God warned them of this in the Scriptures when he said, " I am placing a stone in Jerusalem that makes people stumble, a rock that makes them fall. But anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced.

I have been thinking about a lot lately. Pondering faith, hope and love. I have been reading a lot about those three attributes...but also about trust. I have of course loved mercy and grace too and I walk with those two friends every day. But what is it about trust?
Immediately when I think of trust I wonder...do I really trust God? Do I really trust in his provision? Do I trust he will make all things right? So I have to look not in my circumstance but in the word...the bread of life...the springs of living water.
Being obediant and following all the commandments...are good, but if I do not trust God...I will stumble and fall...FLAT!
When I think that I won't have provision...I have to look at the word...and claim that for my life as truth and trust that God is true to his word...

Philippians 4:19-My God WILL meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 23:1- The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
Psalm 132:15- I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor will I satisfy with food.
1Timothy 6:17- Command those who are rich in this present world...to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

I have actually found it interesting in this study thatwhat God says he will do is provide for our needs. Not alot is said about providing for HUGE houses, or multiple cars or extravagent lifestyles. He talks a lot about providing for our day to day needs. He even goes as far as saying that we are to command (which is a pretty strong word) rich people to put their hope in God. Saying that maybe for rich people hope can somehow be lost to them.

Now Trust...what does it say about trust?

psalm 40:4 blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.


I could quote more, but I love Jeremiah so much. Wow, jammed packed with that one and one that I pray for myself. I want to be like that tree...that sends out roots and bears fruit. I want to trust God fully. Sometimes it is hard, so very hard. But I lean not on my own understanding or my own "feelings", they will fail me. I lean on the word, which is truth.
I was talking with someone the other day and we were talking about our spiritual walks and I made the comment about the presence of God in our lives. When we decide that we are going to walk in the light, walk with our trust fully on God, when we listen to his nudges, when we obey what he says, when we feed the poor, cloth the naked, help the widows and orphans...okay I hope you get the drift...when we are walking in what he has called us to do, who do you think is right there ready to try to make us stumble, or get discouraged, or cause dissention? It is the enemy who is ready to take us out. Why? Because we are doing what God wants us to do. It is when we are complacent...ho humming around, just going about our day type of christian that the enemy will leave us alone. Why? Because he has better people to try and stop. Those on the front lines...those building community, those loving others. So we arm ourselves, we get ready for those times, we stay in the light, we stay in community and we keep trusting in God and most importantly we keep loving each other. That by far is our greatest weapon of all.

Ya, just got on a role tonight. Oh and another thing...how do we define others...and ourselves? Is it with how many letters behind our names? Uh....I think I will leave that one for another time...but you can think about that and give me feed back on a Christian response.
Have a good one and keep on trustin!

Something new is going on....hey this is kinda kewl

Yes, something new is happening deep within me. There are times when I am not so sure what is happening but I know it is the processing of the Holy Spirit...and a prayer that I sent out one afternoon.
I have not blogged for a while...I think I needed a rest. Not that I have got one, but I have been able to focus on talking out loud which is something new for me. It is something I feared more than anything. Why? Because I have a fear of man. What is that person thinking about what I am saying? Am I accepted or will I be rejected? That kinda thoughts. So I have been praying lots in that area...submitting it to God. Confessing my fear...asking for more of Him...and less of me.
It has been a busy month. I picked up a part time job, to go with my full time job, as well as taking a university course and being involved in the Living Waters program. Plus, trying to keep up with getting together with people so that I do not feel too alone. So I have had little time to sit.
But I have been having some nudges and some ah ha moments.
I went to Missionfest for the first time in my life. I was expecting to meet stuffy christians...you know, kinda nerdy...social outcasts...who have to do missions because that is all that life has for them...WHAM!!!! God meets me in a HUGE way. I wept and wept and even now, as I reflect on that weekend, I weep some more. I met wonderful people...who's hearts are on fire. Who LOVE God and are willing to give up all earthy pleasures in this world to serve their Father and to spread his love to others. Okay, what is more important than that.
It got me reflecting on what happened nearly a year ago. Last year in March, is when God met me in a huge way.
I was walking aimlessly in life. Seeking something that would give me pleasure...anything. I wasn't finding it. I remember the commutes to work and I would stare out the window and look at the sunrise and the sun rays casting spectacular colors on the clouds and I would just be in awe. Now, reflecting back, I know that those moments are ones that God gave me prior to him speaking to me. I believe it was his way of showing me how awesome he is...kinda wooing me back to him. Almost always the sunrises took my breath away. I am a very visual person. Beauty, especially in nature is often where I find my deepest comfort.
So at Missionfest, I felt the nudge...a simliar nudge that I got years and years ago. "But God...how can you use me...look where I am and where I came from...I am so broken." Yet, I felt the nudge so strongly. I was listening to people tell stories of trusting in God fully. For everything and I went home and prayed "God, I am open for you to use me in whatever way. I am willing...and I trust in you."
I think that when you pray that prayer something new starts happening. It opens the door for God to move in. You are giving him the authority to take charge...and use you. So in the midst of my struggle and my pain, I offer myself to God to be used.
My part time job is working at The House of Hesed...a transition house for those with HIV and aids. It has given me so much perspective and it has taken the eyes off of me. I have to pray for strength, courage and sometimes I just go and cry in the office.
I am reminded of the song...

Blessed be your name...
on a road marked with suffering
there is pain in the offering
blessed be your name.

Then last weekend, I worked the weekend and then a double shift on monday. So I have been bagged. So sunday, I thought...okay, I will go to the early service at church and then relax before work. Well, God had something else in store. I did not make it to the early service or late one, but a friend gave me the Summit leadership DVD's from Willowcreek to watch. So I proceeded to watch them. Again...WHAM!!! A God moment.
I felt that nudge...again of laying down my life to serve God full time. Ministry? What God me?
So I have been praying about that. Meditating on that and not worrying about it...okay maybe a little...live by faith? Not have a steady income? What about my debts, they look too overwelming? I try not to be overwelmed.
But I lay down my identity, my income and my influence. For if I do, God will use those things I lay down and make it come alive. It is all about him. My hearts cry this weekend and it continues to be...GOD USE ME!!!! What I have is not mine anyway. Nothing belongs to me. I was made for God! To be used by Him as a vessel, an instrument!
So then at Living Waters, it was on the healing of the masculine. I went through the material early so I could meditate on it and so when the teaching happened, I prayed that I would allow the holy spirit to do the work, I wanted to just give all the pain over. I started getting pictures and flash backs of times of real painful moments...of harsh words slung at me, of being left alone...of the abuse! Of feeling so alone. Then the leaders prayed for the men and all of a sudden my heart is beating a mile a minute, I am feeling like I could wail. To lose it in front of all these people. I just could not open my mouth. I felt it all go down...my throat swelling shut. After the ministry session, they asked if anyone still needed prayer...okay, walk to the front...ask..."I can't seem to open my mouth to let the pain out...I feel it so deep" The leader says, it looked like you could just wail!!!! Okay, I ask for prayer...within a few moments, I am wailing, stomping my feet, feeling anger, pain, disappointment...yet feeling safe to let go, finally of so much. I know that there is probably more deep down that needs to be let out, but I feel like my voice is stronger. That I am not so ashamed of letting my emotions out...and sharing that pain with people who care enough to walk me to Christ.
So something new is going on...it's not scary anymore. I am actually a bit excited in what is happening. My alone times with God have taken on a different feeling. Being able to just talk with him. Tell him what is going on and the crap I feel and the joy I experience.
So I hold on to the robes, casting my cares at the cross and prepare for the ride of my life! Who ever said this would be boring...oh ya...that was me!!!

Psalm 90:14-17
Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us, your servants see you work again. Let our children see your glory. And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful, yes, make our efforts successful.