Tuesday, February 27, 2007
First day of Lent, the readings brought about a confirmation of the fast and the desire to pray and eat the word.
Today, I offer God my messy house:
My desires, needs, wants.
My uncovered sin and the dust bunnies that remain.
Things that I hide away, so I do not appear to have piles.
I lay them down, all of them. The fear of not loving hard enough or good enough. The fears of not being enough for anyone, let alone God. Of being smothered emotionally, which stunts my ability to take risks in love. Fears that I will walk away from this healing journey and the inability to be strong enough to fight temptations. Yet am reminded that I am not strong enough and that is carried with Christ, who is my strong tower…and I can run in anytime.
I read a quote from William Willimon today in my daily Lent readings and he says this:
The needs of the world are too great, the suffering and pain too extensive, the lures of the world too seductive for us to begin to change the world unless we are changed, unless conversion of life and morals becomes our pattern.
The status quo is too alluring. The only way we shall break its hold on us is to be transferred to another dominion to be cut loose from our old certainties, to be thrust under the flood and then pulled forth fresh and new born. (in talking about baptism)
It was so impressive the read this morning, talking about laying down our lives. To begin this adventure with that reading was what I needed.
Human body wise, I feel light headed, stomach growling and my eyes are tearing a lot (no emotion, but rather my body crying out for more water or something). So I drink, drink in the water and eat the word. My mind is focused on prayer. When I think of food (and tonight at the transition home, I made enchalada’s (put ready made ones in the oven) one of my favorite foods, as well as taco salad…another BIG favorite. So I am preparing and my thoughts, where were they? Surprisingly enough, not on the food. Apart from having to get someone to taste the dressing and see if it was okay, I was surprised and then again, was I? My prayer is that God continues to be my provision, my food, my provider of all good things, especially to meet my every need (desires and wants).
Hesed is good for me, it allows me to serve in practical ways. Tonight, it was poker. Texas hold’em and it was good. They staying in, rather than go out. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Hesed is about making friends with people who are just like me. They are children of God, they are loved by the beloved. They are my brothers and sisters and I love them. I love each one of them, in spite of what the world has thrown at them, in spite of how they live out sometimes in broken ways, I love them. I adore each one. It is a challenge sometimes when life gets busy, to try and cut something out of your life…make things simple. This is one place, I will not cut out.
So today, day 1, and it seems like forever in terms of how long this will last…yet it is not that long (a bit over 10 % of the year…that’s it) So I tithe this time, of getting closer to my Heavenly Father, my King, my treasured friend. I pray for answered prayers. I pray for God’s Kingdom to come and His will be done here on earth. I cry for those I love and wish knew and tasted the fruit in which I have tasted. It is good! It is also hard and I won’t deny that. It is hard to lay aside the desires of the flesh. Yet, why would I not do that for someone I love more than life itself. This life here is but a breath, when in eternity, I put my focus.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.