Take this cup...

Sometimes, I cry out to God...Take this cup...!
That I can no longer take this battle, this war, this fight against spirit and flesh. I know that the flesh in this world is strong. The desires, the pulls, the wants, the thoughts...they often lead me to places I no longer wish to travel to. So I stand my ground. I stand even when I do not feel like standing and I cry out to God, the giver of all good things and I cry out for mercy and grace to make it one more day.
Does this sound like I am denying myself? Does this sound like I am weak and utterly foolish? You better believe it!!! Without God, I am nothing, I am nothing. Without his saving me and leading me to a better place, I would surely have perished long ago. But He has a plan for my life, to prosper me and to bless me.
I watched the movie Jesus Camp tonight. It was well done. Do I agree with everything? No! But what I do believe is being sold out for Jesus! To deny myself, to count everything else as second best when it comes to where my heart's first desire is. Do I get it all the time and do I do it right? Nope...but I am trying. I am desiring more. What it means to lay everything down. Even when I cry out to God...to take this struggle from me...to ask him to relieve me...to seek his kingdom first.
God is doing things and shaking things up for me and leading me into a furnace...to heat it up and burn away all the crap that is still clinging on to me. When we sing refiners fire...my hearts one desire...what are we saying? We are saying...refine me, process me, take my heart, my mind and renew it, by your fire. What happens? All hell breaks loose. We feel like we are losing it at every turn. We have battles left right and center and in that we cry out to God to teach us and mold us and make us who he wants us to be. With lives that line up to his standard. With lives that line up to the word of God.
So when I cry out...take this cup...it is a cry of freedom, it is a cry of hope, it is a cry of wanting more of God and less of me.