Sunday, January 21, 2007
So I have not been posting...I have been way too busy and it has been kinda gross to be so busy. I recently came home from TO...and ya, it was great, I met some wonderfully, ridiculously good looking people and bonded with the TO staff. They are hilarious....with hearts that match. I also got to know the Winnipeg staff better and realized what a wonderful blessing it is to work along side such amazing people...each with a different story, but with hearts bursting with love.
So does this sound a bit like a soap opera...well, maybe, but what I know right now is that their hearts are held in mine.
I came home on Tuesday and went straight to LW and ministered, then Wednesday went and saw Jesus Christ Superstar...spent a bundle on the ticket, but it was worth it and yes...saving up for things like this is great. I took a friend of mine and we watched Ted Neely sing his heart out. It brought me to tears.
So a lot has happened in the last month. I went to Kansas City and fell in love...with Jesus...all over again. He takes my breath away...he was radical way before his time and no wonder the down and out people loved him. He was rocking the boat in all the social and religious circles, and he did it all out of love. Love for humanity, love for mankind. So I love him back with everything. Even when the struggles and insecurities raise their head, I know who is watching me and guiding me down this path of life. Jesus calls me to so much more than just sitting around picking my nose...really! He says to me..."Kenny...go and live..love...and live and love!" Do it all Kenny because I loved you first.
I love the term that someone said to me that "Jesus wrecked them". Well, he did that to me. He has turned my life upside down and inside out. When I think I am not qualified...I call out to him and ask for wisdom and revelation. When the doubts and fears come, I ask for peace and joy.
This past weekend, my boss (director) and his wife went to India to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary...and it is amazing their story of restoration...wow...WOW! So I am holding the fort so to speak and I have to say I am fearful to some degree. So the day they left, I had to work a shift at Hesed and prior to going to work I was really struggling and fighting thoughts of acting out...going for a sexual romp so to speak and I continually had to stop, cry out to God and wait in the moment. This fight has been long in coming. I have really been traveling on the coat tails of what I have learnt so far and now it is putting it into practice when the old thoughts and memories come up. Anyway, I was struggling, and I called some people and talked out what I was thinking and then I went to work at hesed and was mopping the floors....my usual routine, with bleach and water and I had flashbacks of times at specific establishments (okay bath houses) and I broke down, how much more could I take today...enough already. I stopped mopping and prayed
"God, I need some encouragement here...Hello God, can someone talk to me, call me...what ever, just help me!"
Not even 10 minutes later a resident came over and told me I was doing an amazing job and with that I nearly lost it. He blessed me beyond anything I could have hoped for, those few words I held on to...tightly.
Then another staff came over to the house and we chatted and I shared what was going on inside my head and she listened and I was so thankful for another God moment.
So, what am I saying here? What I am hopefully saying is that God answers! Sometimes, quick, sometimes slow, but he answers. I have to wait and listen.
Are things always easy? Nope and I said that right from the beginning of this journey. I have said I am taking the path less traveled. As I journey out, I do it with honesty and integrity. It is not always easy, but hey, most of us struggle with something, and I am reminded of that everyday with the people I meet and talk with and those people who are in my life.
Well, with that I bid farewell until next time. I usually do not make resolutions...and so I didn't but I have made some statements that I want to hold to this year.
That my first priority in life is my relationship with God.
My second priority is myself...taking care of my body, eating well, doing things that relax me. Spiritual, emotional and physical health...VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE!
Third...my relationship with those in my life...who I hold dear and love!
Fourth...ministry...my job as an urban missionary.
What I discovered this week is that I miss home cooked meals and I need to be cooking more.
I went to a drumming recital and signed up for an 8 week class. I am SO EXCITED!
It feels good to do things for me sometimes, to actually spend an evening home alone and enjoying the company!
Until next time! Much Hugs!