Art Gallery

Here are a few pictures that I have taken...I have to find some places here in Winnipeg. These are all taken the last week I as in BC in 2005. My farewell week. It was amazing. Photography is a passion, capturing God's creation...enjoy.

I got my recent update from XXXChurch this past week and noticed the announcement about the starvingjesus tour. They are fasting for 40 days and they talked about fasting. How Jesus called us to fast...not just think about it but do it. When I left BC, I talked with a few people about my desire to fast and I have not gotten around to it, but have not forgotten. This was just a spiritual reminder!

I read their Fasting 101 list and have decided to do a fast, praying about it now and asking a few people to do it with me. I won't fast the 40 days quite yet, but I would like to do that too. To rely fully on God! To listen to him, to be praying all day and to eat his word.
Part of the fast for me is to petition God, for a greater provision for my work as a missionary here. That I learn to speak in to being, that which is not seen yet. That I trust in him fully.

Last week Paula and I decided that it was not time for us to date. It was probably the healthiest break ups that I have ever experienced. We both realized the need to just be friends even before talking to each other. Realizing that we know that God is in control of our lives and that we live according to his plans and purposes in our lives. There is a lot going on for both of us. God is drawing us deeper into his presense and we welcome that. Knowing too, that we walked in integrity the whole time we dated, put God first and treated each other with trust and respect. Paula is a wonderful woman of God, who showed me what it means to be a man of God. She valued me as a man. She let me lead, take initiative and waited. So right now we both do not know the plans for us, but we trust in our Heavenly Father, because he has good things in store.

Work at the office continues to spur me on. I love it. I enjoy the environment, the people there and the voice that we have in this culture that we live in. I continue to be blessed and seek after God's heart for those I am in contact with.

SALT, well...what can I say but...AAAAHHHH!!!!! The teaching material is amazing. It digs deep into the wells of my soul. I taught the lesson this past week on grieving and the relevance of that in our lives as we give up the past and bring to mind painful memories that we have put aside. I want the memories to surface, because for years, I pushed down those memories and used sex to give me pleasure and to numb those painful things in my life. Now that I am not using sex as medication, I have to face those painful things and feelings that define me as a man. I ask God to come and minister to the areas I lay hidden. It is just amazing material. I have said it is like getting to the CORE of yourself and then laying everything bare and allowing healing to take place.

Life in the inner city? Well, today I walked to work, like I do most days and I felt saddness. Here are house after house, delapitated, poverty, hunger, addiction and I felt like there is nothing I can do. I think of ways things can change and then the voice says...what can you really do Kenn? Ah! I get angry at the church. I get angry and wonder why christian's have this "prosperity theology" and is it really Biblical? Does it not say...the rich should not have too much and the poor should not have too little. I see people who go to the cottage...and then think...there are kids who do not even have enough to eat, who live in homes with smashed windows and drug dealers on their corner, waiting to offer them a job. There are prostitutes so young that you wonder...WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?
Does this bother just me? I see people like Harry who stepped out...risked it all to help those less fortunate. Who stood up for the causes of the poor, the prostitutes and who tried to get drugs out of the community. Where are we failing as a church?
I ask a lot of questions, yet get few answers. It is almost like...we shouldn't really talk about these things...they are just too uncomfortable to talk about.

A wise man told me to focus on the ministry at hand. I cannot change the world, but I can impact those I have around me. When I answer an email from a youth who is struggling with their sexuality and their faith...that is my focus. When someone asks me for money on the street, it is going out and buying them some food. If it is telling my testimony and what God has done in my life, that is what I do. If it is writing letters to Government and letting them know of ideas in my head.

So there, a few thoughts, rambling on, just letting you know what is inside.
Check out www.starvingjesus.com
order the book and pray about fasting.

need some laughter

i need some laughter to come my way...
serious reflection come what may.
Heart is full and my mind a racin'
where's that joke...
times a wastin.

so it has been a busy week. I can sit back and reflect at how new everything is. I love it and hate it at the same time. I am a man who thought he loved change...NOT!
I thought I had a lot more pieces of the puzzle together. But what I realized tonight at SALT is this...
For 30 year...ack...I have found my self defined by sex. Be it what was done to me or what I did out of choice. Now that I am not walking that road, God is allowing other things to come to the surface. He is saying...."Kenn, let's look at how you relate here and there. I will walk this way with you, I want you to relate in a healthy way."
So as I inch close to the big 40, I continue to pray...God restore those years. Coming to the realization that here on earth, I will never "arrive". I will never have it all together. I just need to relax, breath and allow God to take over the controls, especially when I want to quicken the pace...or attempt to relate in the old ways.
We talked about inner vows, strongholds and FORTRESSES. Gotta love those fortresses that we build around ourselves to protect us from being hurt...to protect the vows we made not to be hurt. As I sit and make the "known" list of those vows, I repent of them. Ask for forgiveness and ask God to teach me new ways of moving through life. Not so consummed with what people think. Who gives a crap. I want to walk with confidence that God my Father loves me no matter what. No matter if I stumble, fall, I know he still loves me. He knows everything. He knows my past, present and future. So I trust in his love, that he will never leave me or forsake me. That the plans he has for me are good. That I matter to him. I am his most valued treasure.
I pray those realizations go deep within the grand canyon of my soul. Into every crack and hidden place.
I am thankful, thankful, thankful for New Direction, Tye, Living Waters, Life Recovery at TMP, for my small house group,the teaching at Soul and those men who get up early fridays to talk. I am thankful for the friends that help me relax. To my family. To all those people who see God moving and directing my course and who support me in prayer and in financial gifts of support. To each of you, I pray that God blesses you in abundance.
I sense that great things are in store at New Direction. I had a dream last night that I was invited to sit in a discussion group at a University along side a woman who was a lesbian...and who was quite well known. She invited me to be the opposing voice...yet she welcomed me with open arms and so I extended them back. When she was ridiculed and stuff thrown at her, I put my arm around her and told her she was of value. How after we talked, I was asked my opinion on the event and I told the group that I have chosen this path because of my relationship with God. He is the one that has changed me and who constantly keeps refining me. I am here not to judge other peoples choices but to tell of what God has done in my life.
I pray that doors will open to speak the truth of what God has done in my life. Not for my fame or glory but for God to be glorified.
With everything that is happening, I can say that life is good. I would not have it any other way. It makes me closer to God.
If anyone has jokes, encouraging words, anything to make me laugh...please share!!!
I think I need to join a bowling league or something....is there a christian bowling league? Maybe I need to start one up in the winter.
Shalom.........until next time............

trust...a word study...

So thought I would do a word study on Trust....something that I need right now. Being in a place of total reliance in God...it is an unknown area for me, specifically in the area of finances. I do not want to walk in fear, but in courage that I know, that I know, my Father God is a faithful and trusted Father. Yet there is my human brain that often plays the old tapes in my brain that God will not come through for me. So I have to hold firm to the truth of what trust is.
Here is a dictionary meaning...of trust:

1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. One in which confidence is placed.
5. Reliance on something in the future; hope.

I have added a statement to each of these four meanings.

1. To have or place confidence in; depend on. I place my trust in God.
2. To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that God will provide.
3. To believe: I trust in the truth of God's word.
4. To place in the care of another; I entrust my life to God.

Synonyms: trust, faith, confidence, reliance, dependence
These nouns denote a feeling of certainty that a person or thing will not fail. Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence: The mayor vowed to justify the trust the electorate had placed in him.

Faith connotes unquestioning, often emotionally charged belief: “Often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result is the only thing that makes the result come true” (William James).

Confidence, frequently implies stronger grounds for assurance: “Confidence is a plant of slow growth in an aged bosom: youth is the season of credulity” (William Pitt).

Reliance connotes a confident and trustful commitment to another: “What reliance could they place on the protection of a prince so recently their enemy?” (William Hickling Prescott).

Dependence suggests reliance on another to whom one is often subordinate: “When I had once called him in, I could not subsist without Dependence on him” (Richard Steele).


So with all of this I then need to go into the word and claim the truth.
Trust:

Psalm 118:8
It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man

John 14:1
Trust in God; trust also in me.

Psalm 40:4
Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.

Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel says,
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength."

Isaiah 28:16
So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: "See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed."

Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

So I take refuge in God
I trust in the trinity
I look to God for all things
quietness and trust are my strength
I will not be dismayed if I trust in God
Peace...perfect peace, comes from trusting
I will be firmly planted, will not waiver and my confidence will abound as I trust in God. I will be blessed.

Honestly, I have to say that I have seen God move in my life and do some amazing things. Why do I still doubt sometimes that He will come through for me? That he loves me enough to bless me? It comes from my human brain...trying to figure things out on my own. That I have to see tangible proof. I am a lot like Thomas. I need to put my hands in Christ's side, see his hands and feet. I wish I could say that I blindly trust...like a child. So I will meditate on this. Eat the word. Sit in the presence of God.

1Corinthians 1:25
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

Come Lord...come and breath new life. Father God draw me deeper into the fullness that you offer me. Teach me your ways. My hearts cry is to know you more each day. To walk in the wisdom that you pour into me. Break through the barriers that I put up. Tear down the walls of security so that I can walk with courage, not fearing what people think but that I can know that I know, my identity comes from you.
Praise God.

issue

so ya...I have not blogged a lot while here. I have not had a lot of time. I have been busy meeting people, being ministered to and learning about the ministry.
It is incredible this journey. FAST FORWARD! REDEMPTION! GO GOD GO!

He who has begun a good work in me will finish it to completion...for his glory and fame.

Living out loud in the church, community, government, family, friends...what does that look like? What does that entail? It is not being afraid of what is ahead but focused on the here and now...for tomorrow may never come.

So I felt challenged this week...on many levels. I would like to share this, yet, I know that I need to do some reflecting as well. God is continually stretching me and getting me out of the comfort zones in my life.
Knowing, I have a voice, I have a story...of hope, restoration and his grace and mercy. Praise him.
This journey is not about me. It is about God...and of his character. It is not about me. Because nothing has been done in my life without God. I die to myself, my agenda and continually ask God to move in...to areas of my life that I have hid away.

Some HUGE stuff happened during ministry time and that too. Things to do with the church and my bad attitude...my repenting of my attitude and steps that I need to take to ask for forgiveness. As scary that is, I need to take the steps that I feel that God is asking me to take. I know that his glory will come out of it.
Well, we leave tomorrow and I am TIRED!
Please pray for our provisions, and travel.