Thursday, July 20, 2006
I got my recent update from XXXChurch this past week and noticed the announcement about the starvingjesus tour. They are fasting for 40 days and they talked about fasting. How Jesus called us to fast...not just think about it but do it. When I left BC, I talked with a few people about my desire to fast and I have not gotten around to it, but have not forgotten. This was just a spiritual reminder!
I read their Fasting 101 list and have decided to do a fast, praying about it now and asking a few people to do it with me. I won't fast the 40 days quite yet, but I would like to do that too. To rely fully on God! To listen to him, to be praying all day and to eat his word.
Part of the fast for me is to petition God, for a greater provision for my work as a missionary here. That I learn to speak in to being, that which is not seen yet. That I trust in him fully.
Last week Paula and I decided that it was not time for us to date. It was probably the healthiest break ups that I have ever experienced. We both realized the need to just be friends even before talking to each other. Realizing that we know that God is in control of our lives and that we live according to his plans and purposes in our lives. There is a lot going on for both of us. God is drawing us deeper into his presense and we welcome that. Knowing too, that we walked in integrity the whole time we dated, put God first and treated each other with trust and respect. Paula is a wonderful woman of God, who showed me what it means to be a man of God. She valued me as a man. She let me lead, take initiative and waited. So right now we both do not know the plans for us, but we trust in our Heavenly Father, because he has good things in store.
Work at the office continues to spur me on. I love it. I enjoy the environment, the people there and the voice that we have in this culture that we live in. I continue to be blessed and seek after God's heart for those I am in contact with.
SALT, well...what can I say but...AAAAHHHH!!!!! The teaching material is amazing. It digs deep into the wells of my soul. I taught the lesson this past week on grieving and the relevance of that in our lives as we give up the past and bring to mind painful memories that we have put aside. I want the memories to surface, because for years, I pushed down those memories and used sex to give me pleasure and to numb those painful things in my life. Now that I am not using sex as medication, I have to face those painful things and feelings that define me as a man. I ask God to come and minister to the areas I lay hidden. It is just amazing material. I have said it is like getting to the CORE of yourself and then laying everything bare and allowing healing to take place.
Life in the inner city? Well, today I walked to work, like I do most days and I felt saddness. Here are house after house, delapitated, poverty, hunger, addiction and I felt like there is nothing I can do. I think of ways things can change and then the voice says...what can you really do Kenn? Ah! I get angry at the church. I get angry and wonder why christian's have this "prosperity theology" and is it really Biblical? Does it not say...the rich should not have too much and the poor should not have too little. I see people who go to the cottage...and then think...there are kids who do not even have enough to eat, who live in homes with smashed windows and drug dealers on their corner, waiting to offer them a job. There are prostitutes so young that you wonder...WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?
Does this bother just me? I see people like Harry who stepped out...risked it all to help those less fortunate. Who stood up for the causes of the poor, the prostitutes and who tried to get drugs out of the community. Where are we failing as a church?
I ask a lot of questions, yet get few answers. It is almost like...we shouldn't really talk about these things...they are just too uncomfortable to talk about.
A wise man told me to focus on the ministry at hand. I cannot change the world, but I can impact those I have around me. When I answer an email from a youth who is struggling with their sexuality and their faith...that is my focus. When someone asks me for money on the street, it is going out and buying them some food. If it is telling my testimony and what God has done in my life, that is what I do. If it is writing letters to Government and letting them know of ideas in my head.
So there, a few thoughts, rambling on, just letting you know what is inside.
Check out www.starvingjesus.com
order the book and pray about fasting.