Tuesday, July 11, 2006
need some laughter
i need some laughter to come my way...
serious reflection come what may.
Heart is full and my mind a racin'
where's that joke...
times a wastin.
so it has been a busy week. I can sit back and reflect at how new everything is. I love it and hate it at the same time. I am a man who thought he loved change...NOT!
I thought I had a lot more pieces of the puzzle together. But what I realized tonight at SALT is this...
For 30 year...ack...I have found my self defined by sex. Be it what was done to me or what I did out of choice. Now that I am not walking that road, God is allowing other things to come to the surface. He is saying...."Kenn, let's look at how you relate here and there. I will walk this way with you, I want you to relate in a healthy way."
So as I inch close to the big 40, I continue to pray...God restore those years. Coming to the realization that here on earth, I will never "arrive". I will never have it all together. I just need to relax, breath and allow God to take over the controls, especially when I want to quicken the pace...or attempt to relate in the old ways.
We talked about inner vows, strongholds and FORTRESSES. Gotta love those fortresses that we build around ourselves to protect us from being hurt...to protect the vows we made not to be hurt. As I sit and make the "known" list of those vows, I repent of them. Ask for forgiveness and ask God to teach me new ways of moving through life. Not so consummed with what people think. Who gives a crap. I want to walk with confidence that God my Father loves me no matter what. No matter if I stumble, fall, I know he still loves me. He knows everything. He knows my past, present and future. So I trust in his love, that he will never leave me or forsake me. That the plans he has for me are good. That I matter to him. I am his most valued treasure.
I pray those realizations go deep within the grand canyon of my soul. Into every crack and hidden place.
I am thankful, thankful, thankful for New Direction, Tye, Living Waters, Life Recovery at TMP, for my small house group,the teaching at Soul and those men who get up early fridays to talk. I am thankful for the friends that help me relax. To my family. To all those people who see God moving and directing my course and who support me in prayer and in financial gifts of support. To each of you, I pray that God blesses you in abundance.
I sense that great things are in store at New Direction. I had a dream last night that I was invited to sit in a discussion group at a University along side a woman who was a lesbian...and who was quite well known. She invited me to be the opposing voice...yet she welcomed me with open arms and so I extended them back. When she was ridiculed and stuff thrown at her, I put my arm around her and told her she was of value. How after we talked, I was asked my opinion on the event and I told the group that I have chosen this path because of my relationship with God. He is the one that has changed me and who constantly keeps refining me. I am here not to judge other peoples choices but to tell of what God has done in my life.
I pray that doors will open to speak the truth of what God has done in my life. Not for my fame or glory but for God to be glorified.
With everything that is happening, I can say that life is good. I would not have it any other way. It makes me closer to God.
If anyone has jokes, encouraging words, anything to make me laugh...please share!!!
I think I need to join a bowling league or something....is there a christian bowling league? Maybe I need to start one up in the winter.
Shalom.........until next time............