fundraising

Okay...time to roll up the sleeves and get creative.
My position at New Direction as Resource Outreach Coordinator is awesome. Urban Missions is where it is at. I love it, feel life there.
But I need partners to walk along side me...supporting me financially.
So I am thinking that I will plan an art show...with some photographs that I have done and ask others to donate some paintings and have a show. The proceeds of the show will go towards my position at New Direction.
Ideally, it is best to have regular monthly donors who give every month...but sometimes we need perks. I will be planning on something in the next couple of months.
I will need help planning, preparing and putting it on.
You will have also noticed a banner advertisment on my site about Tshirts. That is a fundraiser for myself as well. For every 20 tshirts that are sold...I get a percentage of the sales. It is a christian run business who have a heart to provide funds for those who are mission based.
The need is great for my position. Never have we seen such an increase in those seeking help from the ministry.
Please, pray and ask God how you can help.
Blessings....

hmmmm Saturday

Woke up! Ah, it's raining. I like the rain, not for 30 days straight but I do enjoy the freshness that it brings. Everything looks crisp, clean and refreshed. The plants looks like they have a bit more life.
I am learning more about what it means to live in community. The need to connect. Today I went for a bike ride with a friend and we talked about the Pedophile that was in the news. We talked about the deal the police made with him and they talked about how when he was monitored he did well and there was no problem. It was only when he was released of that did he start to act out/wander.
Hmmmm, now let me think. What is my character? I am prone to wander...each one of us is prone to wander in our own weaknesses. So when I read about the Pedophile, I look at my own life and I humbly thank God. A few weeks ago, I realized I need the body, I need community in a greater way. When the temptation is there to wander back to Egypt and to places that I know that I can get comfort just in the physical, is when I need to press into the body of Christ.
For me I guess, I am in introvert at heart. Once you know me you would think...ah, Kenn you are no were near being shy or quiet, but I am. I like to listen. I used to ask God to change my personality, or is that me trying to change how God made me?
This past week, I reflected. Man, I reflect a lot. I read a letter my mom sent me when I moved to Vancouver with my partner. At that point, I had decided I was gay and my family would just have to deal with it. I had battled long enough...and this is what she wrote...
"What I want to to, in this not so long letter, is give you TWO GIFTS. You already have the camera bag, but these gifts are of a different nature.
The FIRST GIFT is the gift of apology. I apologize for the things I did as a parent, in your formative years (mostly unknowingly) which did harm to your self-image and self-esteem. I apologize for the times when i became aware that something was different in your development, but mostly through lack of understanding, did not act upon it. Most especially, I apologize for not keeping in touch with New Directions, and for not attending a parent group to become more informed and more helpful in your struggle, once you introduced me to them. And I cry every time I think about this. I try to think about why I didn't do that, and I always draw a blank....
The SECOND GIFT is that of understanding. I have much to learn yet, but it is incredible to me, how much more I understand now. There is so much information about the factors in early development that contribute to this gender confusion. I understand so much better now about the constant preoccupation with sexuality which were so confusing to me before. I understand how the lack of healthy male role models and male peers in early deveopoment, contributes to the desire to fulfill this need sexually with men. I want to tell you that I have a much greater understanding and appreciation of the intense and enormous struggle you have had from a very early age over your gender orientation. I feel like you must have been to hell and back. I can't tell you what deep pain I feel when i think about that now and how it always causes me to cry profusely when I think how much of this you carried all alone with no one to talk to. I get this picture in my mind where I see you bent over with this heavy weight. But I do understand, that the way out is not easy, but doesn't God say to us, "Come unto me, all ye that are heavy laden..."

When I found that letter I read it and wept. Knowing that my mom...got it and at the time she sent the letter...I didn't get it. Not until I read it today...7 years later do I finally get it.
God has an amazing gift of timing, when we need encouragement he finds a way to send that our way. Today, I needed to read my mom's letter. She has been a great blessing to me. She keeps me in prospective, challenges my faith and loves others. Sure she has faults...and heck so do I. When Paul writes about being the worst sinner, I liken myself to him. I think who can be worse than me. Well...everyone is the same as me...none of us are worse nor better. We are all equal in the eyes of our Father God.
So bless you mom...may you continue to put your trust in your heavenly Father, who teaches and directs your path. You are a true lover of Christ.

what gives

So I have been thinking a lot lately about provision.
Ah, this is a subject that I have not given much thought to in the last 8 years. Mainly because I tried my best to provide for myself or allowed my ex partner to provide for me. When push came to shove...I knew he would come through for me. He was always there. Willing to help me out, lend a helping hand. Yet...something was lacking. When push really came to shove...I was left holding debt...real debt. I know my part, my own desires for a certain lifestyle put me there, yet was ripped off in the end.
I harbor no ill feelings. I have long since been there in that pit of thinking, but what got me thinking today was this.
I was leaving work...Hesed, and I was biking home. The smell of the outdoors brought back memories of evenings cruising around the river...looking for a lover for the evening. I prayed to God...restore to me the joy of walking in the evening or smelling the wonderful crisp air...without the memories of endless nights of walking around, looking, lusting for men to meet my needs of affirmation and acceptance.
Then thoughts of an earlier conversation with a mentor who spoke to me about finances and where I was at in terms of my head space. I told him that I really want to see God show me his provision for me in my life. I do not want to beg or plead with people to give me money. In some ways, I wonder how Christian is that. So in an instant, I was reminded how my ex partner used to provide...lavish dinners and wine and presents. I longed for that again. I thought...how easy it would be for me to be caught up in that. To know someone loved me that much.
Ahhh....wait a minute, I heard myself say!!! I am an Israelite...longing to go back to Egypt, the Keith Green song playing in my head. Where I am warm and secure!
The house, the garden, the beauty of green all around. The large sunroom with windows all around...BUT...the increased knowledge that there had to be more to life than that! Materialism, consummerism...ack! It gave me no security. Yes, a thrill at the moment, a nice warm feeling, but what was I left with after the fact?
I am in a place where I have a roof over my head, little savings, no car, no high speed computer or the latest gadgets. I have no cabin to go to in summer. I do not have a retirement plan in place...though that is concerning me a wee bit. I am in debt from a relationship ending. We did not split our pensions or RRSP's or sell our home or car to be divided at the end of our relationship...I left. I could have fought, won...yet would I have? So I bowed out...took what little I had and walked away. Funny that tonight I longed to go back. To what?

So I came home and my cats greeted me at the door. Sigh! I saw my piano...a little out of tune, yet tinkled a few chords...softly so not to wake the tenants upstairs. I gave the cats fresh water, cleaned up my dishes and sat enjoying the peace and quiet. Late at night it is quiet here. I went outside to take the trash out and saw the flowers that I have planted and smiled. It is good. Living here alone, is good, very very good.
Do I have it all...hardly...but I am rich in comparison to many many people in this world. Do I wonder how my support will come it? Sometimes I do. I am human.
I long for the day when churches and christ followers support ministries such as New Direction. When they stand up here in Canada and say...We support ministries to help educate and minister to those who are wanting to leave the gay life. I long for the day when I lose my job because the church is doing it and there is no more need to educate Christians on how to love the homosexual...regardless of them changing or not.
Right now I long for the church to stand up...and love....like Christ...now wouldn't that be nice.