Monday, November 06, 2006

rain rain go away...

so, it has been an interesting few days.
The rain, is actually refreshing and yep, I still hate wet pant legs!
It has a wonderful few days.
I bought a ring the other day...with strips of wire in the middle, wearing it on my left ring finger to remind myself that God is entwinded in my life. Every aspect of my life, he is in. I long to not be the same as I was the day before. I know that often we do not see change in our own lives until others point out how we have changed. I have been pointed at...I have been told how different I am and yet often I feel like I am the same. I often still have the same thoughts and desires and especially ones that do not line up to what I want.
So, how do I validate myself with those thoughts?
does that mean I just forget what I have learned, what I have experienced in terms of the grace and mercy and the restoration of Jesus? Does it mean I am gay still? means I am human. It means I live in a sinful world. I life in a place of brokenness, realizing my need to be whole. Realizing that I need Jesus...even more. It means I need to be open...honest and transparent...real.
I read about Ted Haggard...and I immediately became sad. Here is this influencial man. This "spiritual father", who has wrestled with the same feelings that I have. My heart goes out to him and his family.
But I have to go...the rain continues and I need to meet up with a friend...blessings...

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Although we do not share the same struggles, your post resonated with the thoughts in my own head. I have changed. I have come so far. But suddenly, my mind has been bombarded by thoughts, and thinking patterns that I used to fight every day. So, just because we think something, doesn't mean we ARE what we think. Just because we think something, doesn't mean that we haven't moved ahead. I had a friend who said that she doesn't believe in change. We argued about it often, because if change isn't possible, then life isn't worth it, is it? Now, anytime an "old" thought pops into my head, another voice quickly follows it... "See, change isn't possible". Oh, YES IT IS. I'm living proof. Like the Fresh IE said on Sunday, "The Lord makes us fresh and new.