One day older?

The other day, I was sharing with a friend the good news of our daughters birth. They mentioned that each day we get older and older and one day pass away.

As usual, the comment sat with me percolating in my mind. Then as I lay in bed, the thought came to mind...are we getting older or are we getting younger?

If we think of the word of God, we get the taste that yes, each day is passing us by, but we are also getting renewed each day. If we embrace the process of renewal, we are in a sense becoming new each day. Brand new. Not a trace of yesterday is in today. If that is so, we are actually gaining something by embracing the restoring work of Jesus Christ.

I had to look back again with astonishment as I look in the face of my daughter...yes my daughter. She is brand new...7 days old (outside the womb anyways). It gets me to look back at what was...and now what is. The previous life of debauchery, of self gratification and self indulgence. Of living to please myself, and living in the deceptive lie that I was created gay. As I look into Phoebe's eyes, I see myself, I see my wife. I see what the two of us...partnering with God, have created. But even going beyond even natural child birth, I also see in the eyes of my adopted niece and nephew the character and also the eyes of their parents. Both Father and Mother, working together to nurture and care for them, giving the gift of their gender to their child.

It is hard to believe that 4 years ago, I was just leaving a gay identity. So broken and wounded, so angry, yet willing to allow my savior to wrap me in bandages, to clean my wounds. It has been a grace filled 4 years, of being renewed, or gaining wisdom and understanding and of being restored...being made new.

As my daughter "ages", so will her parents...my wife and I. As older parents, we will rely on God to give us strength, as we dedicate our bodies to health, as we continue to renew our mind with the word, so that we can give all we can to our daughter, who we hope will come to know her savior early. Who will be secure in her gender, who will be strong, delicate, and loving to all whom she will meet.

Her third name is Selah...and we picked the name as it means to "pause" or some people say the word selah stresses the importance or reality of what was said. So we hope that people will meet our daughter and pause...as they see Christ. This will happen in her life as she allows Christ to transform her day by day, and we as her parents need to model that for her.

So are we getting older...one more day in the grave. Hmmm, you could say that, but you could also say, we are being transformed into the very likeness of Christ, and are one day closer to glory. Where life really begins.

So you think you can dance?

Society is sinking faster and faster into a pit of "self."

Sexual exploits and the "sex culture" we are in is dangerous.
It facilitates an unhealthy climate for our children, our teens, our adults and our seniors (no one is not affected by what is happening in the world around us).

One big influence today is the "So you think you can dance Canada" program on CTV. Last night, I watched as the last four danced. This season has been filled with the word "sexy", to the point where you can almost not get a comment without that word being said. In particular, Luther Brown is commented on time and time again as being "sick", "bad", "too sexy", and this is helping out our young women how?

As the camera pans over the audience, we see young women screaming and applauding both the choreographers and the dancers. Rarely do we see young men, rather the audience looks to be filled with young women. So what is being said to them as they watch the women dance?

1. That you are the sum of a sexual object?
2. That you can use sex as a powerful weapon?
3. That sex is it?
4. That sick is good?

I can go on.

Yet, last night as much as I cringe at times when I am watching, I heard some truth in the cracks of the verbal and visual onslaught of sex, I see a picture of submission and lead. Last night as Jean Marc was talking to Vincent, he commented on Vincent's strength to carry his partner. In his ballroom training, Vincent will have learned that to allow the beauty of the woman to shine and radiate on stage and to keep her safe in her movements, it means to lead with courage and bravery. It means to be strong and believe in each step you take. To not waiver in your ability to guide her through the steps.
As the man guides and touches, and takes the steps, the woman is secure that the man will not drop her, and she can fully embrace her movements, because they are in a safe environment.

My hope is that this message is clear, and my hope is that it becomes stronger than the "sex" appeal of the dances that we are seeing.

My hope is that we raise a generation of strong men, and strong women. Who do not waiver in their wanting to dance, in the realm of how God wants them to dance. To find their voice, to find their steps and to dance with passion for their creator. Dance for the injustices out there, for the cultural climate change, for the poor, for the crippled, for the orphans, for the broken. That as our young men and young women learn to dance with each other in mutual love and respect, in purity and holiness, we will see a change take place all around us.

As my wife and I prepare to welcome our baby into the world, I sense this call to father well, but even more so to husband well. To dance well with my wife. (who is a dancer)
Early on in our marriage, we would make a clear space in the room, turn the lights off and turn the music on and just dance with each other, eyes closed, in the dark. Our movements strong and tender, our touch guiding each other to the rhythm of our love of our Father. It was pure and holy, often bringing us to tears and intercession. My wife who has more dance training, free to follow my lead, and found secure in the safety of my untrained steps, because I stepped boldly and strong, tender and loving. Not wanting to crush her, rather love and honor her own movements.

We see a culture around us, who are dancing to get what they want. Not just sexually speaking. We see a climate change of self interest, self preservation.

With words such as, "you just don't understand", "It's my right", "I can do what I wanna do", "I deserve this", "I worked hard for this"...do you get it? Each statement is self speaking and one that is saying, I am more important than you.

In dance, the man leads because he knows what the woman, his partner needs. He isn't doing it for his own glory and what he'll get out of it, he is leading because he knows that in doing so the dance becomes safe, beautiful and can go to greater depths because the woman is free to submit, to find her peace in the her movements.

My hope is that we can go back to the respect and honor of true dancing. Without the word "sexy" being the imprinted word that our culture is screaming into the minds of our young men and young women.

Loving God...Loving Others

We have been hearing a lot about Loving God...loving others at the Church we attend. It has been challenging and though provoking.

I am an ACTS community loving guy, and deep in the heart of my thinking is that one day, we will need each other in ways that go beyond what we can comprehend at the moment.
Not sure why I feel that, but for years I have felt like we are going to get to a place where it will be fellow Christians who will be helping each other out in radical ways, be that with food, clothing, housing, medical care. We won't have the ability to go to stores, hospitals, schools, regular establishments.

With the economical 'scare' that we went through this year...and really it isn't over yet, I wondered, is God shaking things up? Is he allowing things to happen to wake up His Church?

I can't help but think with all I am hearing about loving God and loving others, the radical call on our lives to live fully prepared to give it all up. I look at my own life and battle my fleshly desires and cry out to God to help me with my motives. So that my focus will be on furthering the Kingdom of God. My focus will be on others and their needs rather than mine and getting what I think I deserve.

Realistically my wife and I have had the hardest time so far with finances. We have been open and honest with our struggle and we continue to battle and face it on a day to day basis. Knowing that we could lose our house, we could lose it all, and yet, we continue to hope that one day it will get better. That one day it won't be so difficult and that this road too will become less rocky.

We have had to give up much to follow Christ and in doing so, it has given us a desire to help others who have given it all to run full on toward the cross. Do we really know what we are asking people to give up to follow after Christ? Are we prepared to serve and give to those who are giving it all up?

For my wife and I, we both were in same gender relationships and we both left significant financial assets to follow Jesus. We did it out of obedience. We also left friends, familiar people, family, jobs.

This weekend we spoke at a Gender conference and I was struck with the question? Do we know what we are asking those in the gay and lesbian life to give up? Do we have a concept? and are we willing to be the radical hands and feet of Christ to these people.

Today, as I sat listening to the life lesson, I was reminded of those in my life who walked it with me when I returned home. When I left my house, possessions, material security, my friends, my job, the familiar, and who allowed me to grieve those losses. They allowed my grief to sweep over me and sat with me in that grief.

I heard my wife speak this weekend of her own time of grieving, as she left the familiar, as she left those who called her auntie, and it broke me, as I knew she lived in silence. Fearing those in her community who it was unsafe for her to turn to. I ached for her loss.

Today, I sit in our home, small, old, in need of renovations and some fixings, I see the bills yet to be paid, wondering where we'll get the resources for that, I see our humble home, most of the furniture given to us, not fancy, yet it screams who we are. Because it really has been a community that has built this home.

We are grateful even in this, a time of struggle and hope. A time of radical trust in God and a desire to Love God and Love others. For we have been loved much, by our Heavenly Father, who gave his son to die for us...period...we have been extended grace, even when we didn't deserve it. So in this, we learn to extend grace to others.
I pray for the Body of Christ, that we would see the radical call on our lives to love God and to love others, expecting nothing in return. For if we do that and expect nothing, we won't be hurt when nothing is given back to us.

Lord be Lord! Give us strength, increase our faith, and help us to love!

Today, the headlines read “Bathhouse Blaze”, early Sunday morning a fire broke out in one of Winnipeg’s two bathhouses. Aquarius, a two floor bathhouse, was a low light place to connect with other men for the sole purpose of having sex. The facility also hosted co-ed nights for women to also come and “hook up” or go there for a date night, as one female patron said, a safe place to go.

Having graced the rooms of Aquarius, I know full well what went on behind the entry way. Bathhouses were at one point my friend. A place to have as many encounters with other men as possible, to explore different avenues of sexual pleasure and it played into the excitement of voyeurism. Aquarius was no exception to this fact. The basement of the facility was the dungeon so to speak, with a round bed in a large dark room where I saw men in bondage. Opposite that room was a maze of chain link and a blackened maze of corners, small rooms where one could go and have sex and not see the other person.

Realizing the destructive behavior of the facility, especially in the degrading acts being played out on men as well as women, it became evident that Aquarius was a glorified whore house, only money was not exchanged apart from the entry fee, and the availability of poppers (a drug which induces a person to put aside all inhibition, placing that person in a position of potentially dangerous activity).

I write as a writer who has been to some pretty rough places to get the high of a sexual encounter. What is sad today is that two men died in this fire. One of these men a 23 year old aspiring drag queen, wanted to go into the entertainment biz. When I saw his face, I saw the face of a clean cut male, young and pretty, yet deeply masculine. A face with hope in his eyes. Yet his hope won’t amount to anything, as his life was taken far too early. But the deeper issue with his death is the correlation between his life as a drag queen and his issue with the bathhouse. A drag queen often is one to do fundraising, is looked upon as someone who lives in the public realm. Is often the voice of those in need. Today that voice is no longer speaking, singing or entertaining.

This brings me to the issue of pride. Pride is the big quintessential word of gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered people. The Pride Parade is all about being proud of who you are, and yet, there is a deep seeded, dark issue of sexual addiction in our midst, that is being normalized in our culture today.

“We are proud of who we are, we want rights…we demand them, and we will take down every voice that is against us. Because being against us means you are full of hate.”
Are words that at one time, I used, and heard other gay people speak out loud, and full of force.

Yet having been to bathhouses and having to look at the destructive behavior of my own sexual addiction, I wonder, what kind of pride that was? I wasn’t loving myself, I was actually feeding my addiction and couldn’t see past not getting a sexual fix, the next guy who would turn me on. It was all about sex. Not pride. Pride would be taking care of myself, honoring and respecting myself and others, not using them, for the sake of my own pleasure. Pride is not taking away my inhibitions with poppers and putting myself at risk of disease, or injury. Pride is learning what the roots of sexual addiction are, that are causing us to go to all lengths to get off. Pride is looking at our behavior and or allowing someone in to speak life to us, rather than encourage us in behavior that is hurtful to both ourselves and to others. When did we first come to understand that multiple sex partners are okay, good or healthy? Why isn’t the gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered community standing up in Pride and shouting enough is enough? Treating each other as objects, as sexual toys, as a way to get our needs met, is exactly what Pride isn’t. When will the community that demands respect and pride and the “same” rights as everyone else realize they have a long way to go to “get there”, if they continue to applaud sexual addictions, drug use, and criminal activity.

It is a quiet secret regarding the realm of sexual exploits and the areas of town these exploits happen in our city, where gay men hang out, late at night or during the day, all in the hopes of having sex. Men congregate in bathrooms across the city, to meet someone to have an orgasm. Putting at risk, young children, teens and others who would rather not see what is going on. Sure, you can be as safe as you think you are, but you never know who will walk in, who will see. Why do we sugar coat the issue of sexual addiction?

It is easier to turn a blind eye, to stay silent rather than speak the truth. Maybe it has to be someone who has been there, done it, who has received help regarding his sexual addiction, who needs to stand and speak. So today I speak. I say, “when is enough, going to be enough.” How many lives are we risking when we stay silent? To disease, to injury, to death? How many souls are we actually killing when we don’t say anything? Lives of men and women, struggling with sexual addiction, not knowing their worth apart from the buzz of the moment, only to wake up, empty and alone or empty in the arms of a stranger they just met a couple of hours before.

I know that I have pride in who I am as a man, who I am as a husband, who I am as a father. Would I want my child to grow up desperately hungry for love and affirmation and a sense of worth, so much so they have sex in a bathhouse, in a dark, dingy, smelly cage, inhibitions gone, not knowing how many people are having sex with them? Hardly, the thought of that actually makes me feel sad. So why would we want our friends, our co-workers, our family members, our loved ones to go to those lengths? When will we say enough is enough and stand for human rights, respected and honored?



Bobby Rogers, President and Acting Manager of Gio’s stated…

“Thank you to everyone who came out tonight to help start our community's grieving process. As part of this process, CJOB 680 AM Richard Cloutier respectfully invited members of our community to discuss some aspects of our culture. After consulting with some community members, Chris Vogel was asked to help us out. Chris Vogel , one of the founders of Gio's (The Oscar Wilde Memorial Society Inc.) and leader in Manitoba and Canada with LGBT rights will discuss some of the unique aspects of our community with Richard, Tuesday at 9am. This is such a sensitive topic and troublesome time for us all - please trust that Richard and Chris will help sort through the stereotypes and homophobia that have been drifting in and out of media comments as a result of this tragedy.”


Key words used here are:
Unique aspect of our community
Sensitive
Troublesome
Stereotypes
Homophobia

This is a sensitive matter. Two men died, in a senseless fire.
But what are the bigger issues here? Is there one? What about the reasoning of Pride, and the oversexualized…unique aspect of the gay community?
What about sexual addiction? What about respecting oneself and others? This is rather troublesome.

I listened to the interview with Chris Vogel who stated a few misinterpreted fact.
1. He stated that Aquarius was renovated and was a great establishment. Unless it was renovated in the last 5 years, it was a pretty dark and dingy place.
2. He stated that drugs and alcohol were not used on the facility, and it is a known fact that Poppers are sold and drugs and alcohol are ingested on site (brought in by patrons).
3. He did however say that they needed to have installed fire detectors.

I found that an odd statement, “no fire detectors?”, is that not mandatory at all licensed established businesses. Yet, in the radio broadcast, it was stated that bathhouses do not need a license to operate? So a tragic event took place, 2 men died in an establishment that was not regulated by regular fire and health inspections. So regarding the establishment being a great place to meet and greet, it really was an accident ready to happen. It was irresponsible for the owner as well as the city to allow the establishment to open and operate.

In our city, our motto is “Take Pride Winnipeg.” How is this taking pride? How is this being committed in raising citizen responsibility?

In the end it comes down to citizens making a stand to what is allowed in their neighborhoods, parks, businesses. We live in a free country in which we have freedom of speech and freedom of religion and the right to say “enough is enough.”

Today, I have had enough.

A concerned citizen of Winnipeg.

ah...the sweetness of anticipation

Don't Give Up

Lord let your kingdom reign...

Then the seventh angel blew his trumpet, and there was loud voices shouting in heaven:
the world has now become the Kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign forever and ever.

The twenty four elders sitting on their thrones before God fell with their faces to the ground and worshiped him. And they said, "We give thanks to you, Lord God, the Almighty, the one who is and who always was, for now you have assumed your great power and have begun to reign. The nations are filled with wrath, but now the time of your wrath has come. It is time to judge the dead and reward your servants the prophets, as well as your holy people, and all who fear your name, from the least to the greatest. It is time to destroy all who have caused destruction on the earth."

Then in heaven, the Temple of God was opened and the Ark of his covenant could be seen inside the Temple. Lightning flashed, thunder crashed and roared, and there was an earthquake and a terrible hailstorm.
Revelations 11:15-19

Today, as I pondered yet another friend who has at the moment given up the battle...who is now being deceived by the greatest liar...I asked the Lord, why? Why are so many of our friends falling away, giving up the fight. Saying...This is too hard...or...I can't do it...or...I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

I think...how many more will fall away, allow themselves to believe the lies that are being spoken to them...whispering into their ears, their mind, their hearts, that their desires and feelings are that which is their measuring stick of who they are. This summer, has been a hard summer regarding the falling away, the slow creeping of friends not able to withstand the race set before them. The marathon race of their lives.

I have read all the Harry Potter books. I am now starting the last book, Harry Potter and the deathly hallows. What stirred me today was the fight. The fight against the dark evil that is prowling around, and casting spells on the innocent. Not respecting anyone...but killing and deceiving and in a sense blinding people so they follow the dark arts, and come along side Voldermort.
In the jacket of the book, it reads:

"Never has Harry felt so alone, or faced a future so full of shadows. But Harry must somehow find within himself the strength to complete the task he has been given. He must leave the warmth, safety and companionship of The Burrow and follow without fear or hesitation the inexorable path laid out for him."

So often we feel alone, faced with a future of doubt, shame and desires that go contrary to the word of God and his design for our lives. We struggle with addiction, gender identity, eating, entertainment, low self worth, and we battle, and battle these feelings, these desires. So often alone. Yet, what happens when we are submersed in community and we still feel alone, we still feel that we cannot escape the aloneness, the struggles? Harry has two companions Ron and Hermoine who continue to walk with him, yet Harry still feels alone, the weight of what he has to do on his shoulders, rather than see he has two friends who are willing to give up their lives to follow and help him.

How often do we just give up? Rather than go against all odds, go against culture, go against the "this feels so good", "I deserve this", "I need this" !! What I find as I have been reading is that through out the books, Harry presses on...despite obstacles, hardships, loss, fear, pain...he presses in. He knows what he needs to to, he knows the task...and he has to carry on, despite the fact he may even lose his life.

How often do we just give up? This year, I have witnessed a mass giving up! First hand, watching friends give up! It breaks my heart to see it. It breaks me each time, to watch the falling away of those I love to something that is just a false sense of intimacy, a false sense of love, a false sense of desire.

The past year, I have had more dreams of the coming of Jesus...and often when I think of those who have turned their backs...given up, I am drawn to Revelations.

Revelations 12:10-12
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,
"It has come at last-salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth-the one who accuses them before our God day and night. And they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. and they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Therefore, rejoice, O Heavens! And you who live in the heavens rejoice! But terror will come on the earth and the sea, for the devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time."

It goes on to say the dragon (who was thrown down to earth) pursues the woman and the child to kill them. I wonder...is this the picture of what the enemy is doing to us? There is an enemy who has little time, and the one focus he has is to kill us. To take us out...so that our testimony is null and void. That we cannot defeat him, because our testimony is now void...and we love our life too much, and are afraid to die.

This summer, 5 friends were taken out...but not for long!!! I believe that the work God began in them will be completed. I pray for them, fast for them and intercede on their behalf. I worship the Lord...fall down on my face, as I face His glory and Holiness! Lord let your kingdom fall on our friends, let your love and mercy and grace be upon them...rending their hearts to you, causing them to turn to you, the truth, the light, and the real love they are looking for. Come Lord Jesus...come. May your wrath be turned away from them, lead them to your in your extreme love and mercy...pour it out on them...pour it out...in their minds, their hearts, the spirit! Cast them not away, take not the holy spirit within them. Restore unto them, the joy of your salvation...and renew a right spirit within them...

For those who continue to walk, persevere, press onward...do it with all your strength, with all your might. Forsake all else to follow after your Savior Jesus, who set you free. Who has given you the authority, the power to stand firm. To never waiver, to focus on the prize set before you! Don't give up! Do whatever you need to not give up. Forsake it all...lay down your life...and know...your Father is so proud of you. He is spinning wildly in the heavens when he thinks of you!!!

Glory

This summer has been pretty remarkable in many ways. Looking at the past few months and seeing God's glory being revealed in the workings of my life is pretty amazing.

Throughout the summer, the issue of FEAR has come to the surface, revealing to me an area in my life that I am not so comfortable dealing with. I chuckle even as I write that, as I have faced really hard stuff regarding the root issues to same gender attraction and this at times seems so infantile, yet is important to my Heavenly Father and important for me to bring this to him.

At a recent conference just outside of Calgary, I was asked to go get some stones for a specific project that we were doing and as I walked outside into the dark, fear gripped me. WHAT!!! Why did it grab a hold of me, literally keeping me still as a post, in the middle of the outdoors. I looked around, there was nothing but my imagination at work. Thinking, someone is out there ready to grab a hold of me and kill me. Irrational, foolish, yet at that moment reality for me. I quickly got some stones and walked (okay, I ran) back to building. Breathing intently to calm myself down, hiding my fear.

That evening during the worship, again, FEAR came to the surface, this time showing me areas in my life that I still held fear close.

Fear of losing everything...being left destitute.
Fear of not being in control.
Fear God really isn't there...or that he really is displeased with me.
Fear of the dark.
Fear of the basement...okay, I fear our basement.
Fear that something is out to get me.
Fear that I will be alone.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of losing more children.
Fear of falling...that I could fall sexually!

All this fear...holding on to me, and I...holding on to it. Irrational in many ways, and yet still something that God wants to address...in many other ways. He wants me not to fear, but cast it all on Him...but first, I need to know he is there for me...really...that he carries me, holds me.

So the next day, during my small group time, I gave it over, spoke the words... "I am 42 freakin' years old and am still afraid of the dark!!!"
God came into that. He said... "I do not ask you to conquer that fear all by yourself" and I had a picture of myself and others with me, walking out into the dark, I had a picture of Jesus, walking with me.

I haven't formally done that. Taken some other people to walk with me out into the dark, to face the fear, but I have done that in the basement. I have called out to Paula to come downstairs to pray with me as I face the fear of the basement. Crazy, but true, it works. Sometimes when I get the feeling of fear coming, I just stop and ask Jesus into that very moment in time.

A greater sense of how FEAR paralyzes me was shown this week, as Paula and I realized that financially, we are really in need. It has been very tough and it was elevated this summer with one income and the inability to keep up. What I recognized is that my first response is silence out of a fear of not knowing what to do...and even still, what will people think!!! It has awakened me to the reality that I cannot do anything alone...really! Where does it say...do it all on your own? Be your own God? It says cast your cares upon the Lord...not hold it all to yourself. So this week, stepping past the fear of rejection, searched for solutions to our finances. Seeking others wisdom, who have walked this journey, or who may know of ways to help. It is also giving it over to God, saying, there is nothing right now that we can physically do...so we give it to you God...we actually allow God to show himself God...to increase our faith.

So I am learning to give over my fear, just as I learned to give over the roots of my gender attraction. As I gave over life dominating issues, I now too give over to Him my fear, and my failings, and seek Him before all things.

My greatest desire and hearts cry is that God be Glorified in this...and through our lives...because apart from him, we have nothing! With him we have everything...even in our darkest moments.

Back on...reconciliation

I can't really sleep at the moment, the last few days, to be honest, I have unwound myself by playing a ferocious game of bejeweled trying to beat my friends, who surprisingly have gotten very good scores...way to go!!

It does however get my mind going...working as I replay the day and the interactions that I have had.

I love to dialogue and to talk about how Christ is asking us to live life. I would say I think outside the box most days. A friend of mine explained it to another person. Kenny gets a thought, and he puts it on his blog, to get it out of his head and to get others thinking.

What a good explanation!!! Thanks LLS...you know who you are.

The Holy Spirit has been really speaking to me about motives...why I do or say specific things. There are times, when I would like to just sit down with specific people and hash things out. To say..."come on...get with it!!!" That statement doesn't really speak with a lot of grace...it is pretty black and white.

What gets me though are people...(okay, and I am harder on Christian's because I'm one of them) is that we do all these things to look great(works)...and yet can't seem to get it together to forgive or reconcile. Specifically when someone wrongs us, or we hold all the offenses in until one day it explodes and we put a boundary down and say, you hurt me and so you are unsafe. We spend so much time with the issue in our head, and never talk about it...and then we think it easier to just cut the person out of our lives, rather than realize that we too are in the wrong.

As I look at Christ, I see a savior, who is all about reconciliation. He reconciles us to himself. He sacrificed himself for us...and asks us to do the same.

Recently I heard some great teaching on how David walked this out in his own life. Walking in meekness in the face of injustice. How often do we walk with meekness when we face injustice? When do we give it over to God to be our advocate...our help...our friend? Do we ever lay our own feelings of offendedness and ask "Lord, what would you have me do?" Rather than shut the person out of our lives. How often do we look at our own sin...or ask the Lord...to search me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting? Ps 139:24

It got me thinking of my own life, and how I am prone to not speak out of passivity, out of the thought that the other person may not like me anymore. I am being challenged to step out of that and speak truth...to the body of Christ...the Church...the bride of Christ. He is coming back...and he is looking for a spotless bride. I want to be one of those spotless brides. I want to ask the Holy Spirit to search me...so that I can work out my sin. I am not happy to stay stuck or in the same place, and I value people enough to want reconciliation, restoration, repair. We are never meant to not do the hard work of reconciliation. If we have a problem with our spouse or child...do we just put up a wall and refuse to talk to them, or shut them out of our lives? Why then do we do it to others? It actually cripples the other person as well as yourself. Each action that we do or refuse to do either brings life or it brings death.

I wonder then, how are we seeking to reconcile with those who may have offended us?
I wonder then, are you willing to stop and look at your own sin?
I wonder then, can you see Christ? Can you see his sacrifice...when we didn't deserve it, and realize, we are called to be Christ to everyone in our lives?

And...who per chance is watching? Who is looking at every move you make, if you like it or not? Our unsaved brothers and sister!!! They are looking at how we live, love and forgive. So if we aren't fostering forgiveness and love and reconciliation...forget giving your testimony, forget talking about Jesus and how he saves and reconciles people to God...because you are just a clanging cymbal, hurting the ears you are speaking to.

Seem harsh...probably...but life is hard sometimes, and we need to grow up and realize that it isn't easy sometimes, and we are called to be examples, and a shining light for the world to see...their savior.

Good night!!!

Brief Break

I am taking a brief break...as I will be focusing my time on a new blog...

www.debtproject.blogspot.com

My journey out...continues to be something that I am challenged with, but not so much about my journey out of the "gay identity" but rather toward living a life dictated by the culture of today or by the worlds standard...okay that means the same thing!

So I will be blogging about debt reduction, being real with how Paula and I are doing and what is working and what isn't, but I will also be sharing how personally this is challenging me in my faith.

How I believe that we are called to live...I often feel goes contrary to how we actually live our lives.

So go to debtproject.blogspot.com and read, be encouraged, give suggestions, but I challenge you to radically give.

Thanks for the faithful readers...those who have been encouraged...challenged and an inspiration to me...encouraging me on...cheering me on. For that is what we are called to do.

Peace and love

Kenny

Debt Eliminator Project

I recently came across a blog, that was started by Ced Reynolds. Paula and I have been praying to get out of debt, we believe that God is asking us to be intentional, to try our best to walk debt free.
Currently our mortgage is sitting at 132,000 and we have other debt accumulating at around 25,000. It is daunting for us. We struggle each month, we are obedient to give our tithe, and then some on top of that (extravagant givers).
I have often thought...how can we do this? I have prayed for wisdom and understanding and wonder sometimes if we as a body of believers began to help others pay off their debts, we really could live in a debt free community. I hear comments like, "well, they are responsible, or irresponsible", "It's their own sin that got them into this mess", "if they just were more responsible". Each of these statements lay blame, and do not offer grace or mercy. When I hear the Lord tell me to give to someone, it isn't for me to think..."I wonder if they will blow it? spend it on something frivolous or do something that is not responsible." The Lord is just asking me to be responsible to do what He has asked me to do.
Recently Paula and I felt the Lord ask us to give to someone. Okay, it's been a tough month, and we are in the hole, yet, we really felt the Lord tell us to give. So we did. The person called me and thanked us. Relaying to us, how the Lord is working in their life. They actually know our situation and said "we don't get how you could give to us?", I responded that maybe he wasn't supposed to get it. That is God sometimes. We will not get it all the time, and the ways of God far exceed our ability to understand. Why? Because He is God...we are not!!

So, please read the note below. I would love to start a DEP in our community. We know our own debt, but we also know of a family who is in far more debt than we are. Spread the word...talk about it! Let's do something radical for people, which then just frees up more giving.

Peace and joy,

Kenny


Saturday, August 25, 2007
Pray for "The Debt Elimination Project"

Have you heard of the Debt Elimination Project (DEP)? It's really quite an interesting project.

There was a gentleman who had a heart's desire to help pay off the debt of a single woman in his church who had been struggling from year to year. So much prayer had happened for her by the congregation but nothing seemed to change in her finances.

This man who was one of those who prayed for the lady but he was just frustrated as he continued to observe her financial life. He soon discovered that she was in debt because she just couldn't get her debt down because she could only pay the minimum payments on high interest rate credit cards and loans. Nothing ever seemed to change even though she was doing what she could.

The story goes on to say that the man decided that he would take things into his own hands. He decided to do something. He made it his purpose to help this lady pay off her debt. He was able to give her $30 a month. What he asked her to do was to make sure she sent the $30 as extra payment toward the principal on her highest interest credit card.

After a few months of giving $30 the man just felt like he was only helping her scratch the surface toward getting out of debt. He thought to himself, only if there were a few other people who could give a little like I'm doing. He started sharing what he was doing with a few of his close friends and they caught the vision. Five of his friends decided to do exactly what he was doing and started giving the lady $30 a month each. Now she was receiving $180 to put towards the principal of her highest interest credit card.

Long story short, the concept began to spread like wild fire. The gentleman who started the project soon had 34 people who were giving between $15 and $50 a month to help this one lady. In less than a year the lady had all her debt paid off and she was overjoyed.

Here's the clincher. After the lady had her debt paid off she said, how can I help somebody pay their debt off? She said this in the middle of the group of the 34 people who had just helped her pay off her debt. There were several people in the group who were in debt so the group chose one from among themselves and started the process over.

Now imagine this. This new person didn't receive $30 a month. They received over $1,200 a month and had their debt paid off in five months.

The group continued to grow and they continued to choose different people in the group to help pay off their debt. Some people were getting their debt paid off in less than three months. One person even got a $16,000 debt paid off on the spot!

The Debt Elimination Project got it's name based merely on what now over 700 people were committed to doing. They base their purpose for helping others get out of debt on Matthew 7:12 "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them..."

When I heard of this project I committed to help a person I know get out of debt. I'm now in the process of talking to a few of my friends to help them get out of debt.

I'm actually seriously thinking about taking this to another level. I'm thinking about starting an official Debt Elimination Project in our church. We have plenty of single women, widows and certainly families who are in debt who desperately want to be financially free.

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What you've just read is just a story I wrote to capture your attention. The gentleman in the story is me. The story is a vision of what I believe the Lord has shown me to help people in my congregation get out of debt and stay out. The other reason I wrote this story is to solicit your prayer as I pursue God's plan to help one person at a time get out of debt. I truly believe it's a whole lot easier for one person to get out of debt if 200 people are helping them.

A debt free church is a church that can be used to to it's full potential.

Stay blessed,

Ced Reynolds

Posted by The Entrepreneurial Pastor at