Sunday, March 04, 2007

Boston Pizza

Last year, on the way to the Exodus Freedom Conference, we stopped in Boston, well, drove through the downtown area and we where hungry. We had been looking for a place to eat and most places where closed already for the evening (it was 11 pm). I remember feeling frustrated during the drive, feeling my hunger and knowing my sugar level was plummeting and I was feeling rather grumpy...okay, I was just plain irritated. I was driving and everyone seemed just interested in sight seeing, and I couldn't see a thing, I was too busy trying to drive and pay attention. I could hear the irritation in some of the voices, as if I was supposed to know where I was! I remember feeling tired and alone. Strange to feel alone in a car full of people, and I wanted comfort and I wanted to eat. We finally stopped the van and car and when I got out, I felt relieved. Feeling the freedom of being out of the van, walking instead of driving and being able to relax and just unwind. We finally stumbled upon this small restaurant. We ordered deep dish pizza's (Boston style) and when they came, they were more than I could have dreamed of. Deep dish...incredible! Packed with cheese and vegetables and meat. Man it was good.

Looking back at that moment, I can see how little time I spent giving over my frustration to God. Did I allow him in to that moment or did I just go in my own strength (or weakness for that matter). God was there, but was an onlooker. I did not invite him to walk that experience with me. Sure, I was thankful to him for the Pizza and remember giving thanks to him. I think much like the Israelites, how they always questioned or forgot about God in the very times when they needed him, and then when God rescued them and blessed them, then they remembered.

As, I walk through this fast, today was a day of quietness, I spent it by going to church, then going home and getting a call from my brother who wanted to go out with me in the afternoon. It was good to spend time with him and chat about life and what is happening with him. I am leary of telling him that I am fasting, and really do not want to. As we shopped around for things that he needed, I looked at this and that and bought a few things, and sitting at home later, realizing that some of the things I bought, I really did not need. Looking back, I wonder how many times, I acknowledged God throughout the day. Sure, when the hunger pains hit or I thought about food, I would try and focus on asking God to fill me. I am wrestling with my desire for more of God and less of me. I have lived for so long endulging in getting my needs comfort do things on my own. Yet in reality, as I sit having not eaten for a while, I realize the futility of my ways...of how I used to fill my time with just things or I would eat. There was little relating to others, or getting out of my comfort zone. I used to like weekends...because when there was nothing planned I could do what I pleased and just relax. Now, it is as if I wish the weekends did not exist. I see how little I do, and how little I serve and how little I relate to others. Maybe it is just the place I am in. I do know that I persevere on things, especially thinking of all the areas in my life "I need to change", and yet not sit and ask God to change me. When I do it on my own, it gets overwelming and heavy. When I sit and allow God in, and ask Him to change me, I feel at peace.

That happened at church today, as we finished communion and we prayed for one another. A friend I want prayer and I explained just what I said previous. That I needed to give that to God, because I was feeling rather overwelmed. She prayed, and big tears dropped, as I allowed God to minister to me, to say, it was okay for me to just let him do the work. To wait for him. The good work He started in me He will finish to completion. It may not be on this side of heaven, but He is faithful and true to His word.

Oh ya, I mentioned on one of my blogs that it was day 5 of lent and it is not actually, if you could shrove Tuesday that it is day 12 of lent and day 7 of the fast.
Thanks for the crew that is walking this journey with me. It is amazing to hear what God is doing in each of your lives.

Lord, watch over us, draw us near. Shelter us under the shelter of you wing. Reveal to us the magnitude of how much you love us and want for us to just allow you to move in our lives. Move in the hearts of those we pray for and Father God, capture the hearts of those who have been disillusioned by the enemy. You are amazing. Sustain us and hear our cries.
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1 comment:

Lisa J said...

Peace to you Kenny. May God bless you in this time of sacrifice and communion with Him. I continue to be encourages by your faith. And I must confess I do miss our talks though. :)