Thursday, March 08, 2007

Supply me

Supply me my every need, my ever want and my every desire. There is nothing greater than you and nothing that can satisfy, quite like you. God my God, my one and only. When life seems to fade by and there seems no hope in anything, you oh God supply my every need. You give to me that which seemed dead and gone.

Today was hard, my body fades quickly today as I went about my job, yet I was thankful that I was sitting at a desk. But concentrating on emailing responses was difficult. It was hard to give structure to my thoughts. Front line ministry, so crying out was good, to just pray for more of him and less of me. I am realizing many things about myself and I find it interesting that fasting will do this. It strips away everything until you are bare, rare and naked. Asking the Holy Spirit to reveal everything that seperates you from God. It is radical, crazy thinking. Some people don't get it, they think...Kenny, you are crazy stupid! But I look at things differently, we are a culture which lacks discipline and resolve. Sure some people have it, but we are normally just keeping ourselves busy, doing things, going places, being around people, things and what have you. We are gorging ourselves in what ever pleases us and gives us pleasure. I know, I know, I have probably said that all before. But it keeps coming up.

What I am finding out is how selfish I am. How incredibly selfish I am in getting my needs met, no matter what. In lack of discipline, especially in spiritual areas. There are areas in my life which I wish were different, and so I slowly start putting in place things that can help. One of those things is getting advice from others...always a good thing. We never will arrive here on earth and so we will never have all the answers and we can always gain understanding and wisdom from others.
I am reading Acts (apparently, if you read 10 chapters of the new testiment a day, you will read through the entire new testiment in a month) and it is incredible the things that the disciples were doing. It gets me thinking about today. What is so different? As I prayed this morning, a piece of a song popped into my head "and in the days Noah, people laughed and jeered, and when the rains came falling, it's too late". It is kinda like that now in society. You mention God or living a set apart, holy life and people laugh at you. Take for instance the fact that at one point I lived as a gay man. I stopped fighting and just lived life...with no regard for God, I threw in the towel. Now somepeople would say..."but Kenny, you where born that way, or Kenny, you are finally yourself", well, I think that for me, I just chose the easy way out, I stopped believing the truth, and started to believe all the things "people" started teaching me. Now realizing the truth, it is interesting how at times life can be difficult and challenging. Why? Because life was meant to be challenging and difficult. Why do we have the Psalms? Why is it that there are verses like Psalm 27:1-3

The lord is my light and salvation, in whom shall I fear, The Lord is my stronghold in whom shall I be afraid, when evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. though an army besiege me, my hear will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

It does not say...if, it says WHENand THOUGH. When evil men advance, When my enemies, though an army!!! So these struggles will come, it will be like an army advancing against us and yet, in that we need not be afraid, nor fearful and we can stand in confidence. Why? Because we can dwell in the house of the Lord forever. God is always there. So why wouldn't God just get rid of our enemies or the struggles in our life? In these struggles we rush to him. It is admitting our humanity and rushing to God. Isn't that self centered of God? Well, actually...not really. God knows that we will run to this and to that...rather than run to him. Even when we have learnt things once, we will still run away from God...if given a chance. So I think he allows things to happen, so we mature and grow. So that we can rely on him, rather than ourselves. It is like a loving father who cares for his children. Who teaches them the ways of life. God is teaching us the ways of life...and eventually eternal life.

So are you ready? Are you ready to face God? Are you willing to stop how you are living and seek after God, regardless of what that looks like to others? Are you willing to lay aside your own agenda and seek after holiness and purity? God doesn't want the lukewarm, he wants us hot and heavy. I challenge you to cry out to God and ask him to teach you what it means to live a life sold out to him.
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1 comment:

Tye said...

Encouraged to read your blog hearing what you are learning about yourself. It is evident that you continue to mature in your faith and understanding of who you are as God's son. My first thought as I read was, "This is man speaking that continues to mature becoming more and more dependant on God daily." Hang in there Kenny and be assured of my prayers.