Again...Lord?

It has been a while since I have posted. I needed a break. Not because I did not want to post. I did. But there was this feeling that said wait. Wait a minute...take a breath.
I think it interesting that I can't sleep and it is snowing and it is just white all around. Quite beautiful actually. The snow covers up the dirt, it covers up the garbage and makes things look fresh. I live in a pretty rough/tough area of town. So looking outside now, everything looks peaceful and serene. The trees are blanketed with fresh snow and the ground is covered.
I feel like I should write tonight.

Last week was a rough start. I did not focus. I faultered and wondered why?
I asked why?
Why God?
Why was I not stronger or more capable of saying no?
Am I supposed to learn something here?

I have become increasingly more aware of my failings, as well, I have become increasingly more aware of when I call out. When I take steps that lead me closer to God instead of farther away.
So when I ask 'why God', it is leading me closer to him. I would never have pondered that question upon him, yet I feel like I can now. I want to hear from him more and more...and in doing so, he renews my mind. He takes the patterns that are ever present and starts making new ones. YIPEE!
My brother told me to read Galations 5. Freedom in Christ.
This is what I heard while reading....
1...stand firm
2...have faith in Christ and have hope
3...serve one another in love. Love your neighbour as yourself...but you first have to love yourself.

So do I love myself?
As a christian, I have always thought, "I cannot love myself, that means I am self centered. Not really. Do I treat myself with respect? Do I act as though my body is a temple?
Then we have the ever present sinful nature. This is because we live in a sinful and fallen world. While reading the list I am reminded of my sinful nature...
sexual immorality,
impurity, debauchery
idolatry, witchcraft
hatred, discord, jealous fits of rage
self ambition, dissensions, factions and envy
drunkenness, orgies and the like.
Read how each of the words on each line go together.

But because I am washed clean and the blood of Christ covers me, I now take up the fruit of the spirit....
Love, joy
peace, patience
kindness, goodness
faithfulness, gentleness
self control.

Despite living in this fallen world I need to heed to the fruits of the spirit. As I go about my day, do I live in love and joy. Is the spirit evident for others to see...and they see that by the fruits of the spirit.

It is almost a week since beginning this post. It has become ever more clear for me that living in community is the way to go. As I live alone, I wonder...how is this living in community? My week should be built on that and living alone means it is more important than ever to make those social connections. Having moved back from BC this year and now having to "start over", make new friends and reconnect with family...it is hard. I have lived for so long busy with life. Working, driving, looking after cats and sleeping. So now I have to push myself to get out there. That is a wee bit scary...but for me it is important.

I made a meal for a family that I know. There is 5 of them. When I invited them, they asked if I knew what I was getting in to with having them all over. I LOVED it. For me cooking and breaking the bread is something that is so important to our community living aspect. I hope to do more of that in the coming year.