Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Confession and Community

If we claim then to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son Purifies us from all sin.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:6-9

So what does that mean.
For me I have been opening myself up with a small group of guys. It is hard. So very hard to admit my failures and sin. Yet, I know the importance in doing this. It means that I am willing, even though it is so hard, to be in the light. If I am to understand this scripture and if I am to look back at my past, I am reminded that walking in the dark did me no good. When I closed myself off to those that cared about sent me further into the dark and led me to live away from everyone for 8 years. I tried to walk in goodness and yet, I was living in the dark. Not willing to admit my sin...because I did not see that it was sin.
Realizing the importance of this aspect in life has become key for me. Is it easy or getting easier? A little bit. It is easier now to talk more about how I am doing. How I am feeling in regards to my relationship with God and what I desire.
I have had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I desire more. I want passion. I want the passion of the Holy Spirit to dwell in my. I want to have this incredible relationship with God that is so intense and amazing that it encompasses my every relationship and every part of my.
I have so much to learn.
My prayer this week has been that God would realign my spirit and will. That he would encompass me...that I would experience this passion that I long for.
I am struggling with living alone. I love it, yet it is lonely. I was thinking today as I walked to the University that I so loved having someone in the house with me...even though we did not do everything together. There was this security.
I realize that I am part of a community that loves me. I have some very dear friends who have adopted me into their family. I see them interact and am in awe. Yes, they have problems but they are so open with their feelings and express them to one another. Wow, to have that.
I started this blog to be transparent. I pray that I will continue to be that. That I continue to be that here on my site as well as with those that I have relationships with. My coworkers, my family, my friends.
Life is too short to not be transparent. Why do we hold on to the hurts and sorrows? Why do we not go to those that have hurt us or who we have hurt?
Being human is sometimes not all that fun...but we have the cross, the amazing cross infront of us. It gives us grace...and now we need to walk in that grace to walk in relation with other people.

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