cabin

Went to the cabin this weekend.

I bid bye bye to the cats and went on my way.
It was hard leaving them alone for just one night. I tried not to worry. But I do live in the West End...for those who don't know Winnipeg, this area of town has a fair bit of crime. I am not overly worried. I pray a protection around the house and trust that everything will be alright. It is actually a great place to be in. You do not take for granted anything.

I picked up my brother and we picked up the all important coffee and headed up to The Narrows. We got there and went to work. It was great to sweat a bit and see some progress made on my dad and his wife's cabin. Then we ate steak and talked until the wee hours...well, I jammed around 1030 as I was exhausted.

We talked about faith, life, community and then I was asked if I was happy. Was I really happy?
I said yes. I did add however the aspect of change. With change there comes a time of sorrow and grieving. I was asked...one minute I am living in BC and am gay and now I am saying that I wasn't even gay to begin with. I can see the confusion and the questioning. Understanding Same sex gender issues is eye opening. It has been for me. To understand my legitimate needs in terms of connecting with men. But how that was twisted to be sexual. How it was never met to have been like that.
So while the 3 of us talked, I felt for one of the first times a feeling like I was one of the "guys". It was good!

I am reminded of a passage in Romans
Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Hoping for restoration. Hoping for wholeness. Understanding my weakness and realizing the Spirit helps me in my weakness. I talked about speaking in tongues with my the guys and I explained a situation when I was in Langley and was breaking up with my ex and sometimes all I could do was groan and moan and somehow, I knew I was communing with God. I had no words to express how I was feeling, yet the groans and moans where interpreted by the spirit. If you read on in Romans, you will find that explaination.
So I hope in many things and wait patiently. Knowing that I have a far bigger God that I can ever imagine, who loves me far more than I can comprehend.