Ah, school, wonderous school. I really dislike University. Well, maybe just U of W. I took psychology this year. One class. Just one. But I coupled with that a full time job, a part time job, a highly emotionally charged Living Waters program and a move back to Winnipeg. I thought...hey, I am ready. AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! When are you ever ready to jump back into school. I went thinking...so, I will start here and one day get my ed degree. As I have been working in the school system, I realize that I really do not want to teach. I have seen the system and it isn't changing any time soon. I love kids. Adore them. But to teach them...I know I can do it, but is it the place for me. Is my heart there. It isn't.
I was recently listening and watching the willowcreek leaders DVD's and one of the speakers asked...."what is your holy dicontent?" Meaning, what injustice can you not stand? I hate the fact that there is so much poverty around, I hate the fact that there are a lot of lukewarm christians and I don't want to be one of them. I hate it that the harvest is plentiful, the workers few. That there are young christian men and women, moving into the gay lifestyle because of lack of support, mentorship and education. What gives with that? Why are the churches not standing up and taking notice that they are losing their children...?
So today after school, I was walking to Hesed and crying out...God, have mercy, pour out your grace, I need more of it. I let the rain pelt on my, I was drenched by the time I got to the house and sat in the car thinking, why am I going to school? Just to get some letters behind my name? Does that make me more valuable to society? Then I heard the words in my head...."teach me your ways oh God, and lead me" So I prayed that over and over again....Lord God, teach me YOUR ways, not mine or the worlds, but yours. Let your ways go deep within me.
Also, today, I went and took a survey at University to fullfill the research quota and so it was on sexuality and personality. Let me tell ya, it was like a indepth version of my past...how many people I slept with and situations that I happened to put myself. Well, after that section...I was thinking, wow, Kenn, the experiences in the past...like a faucet...turned on full blast, or a rain storm. Then they asked for the present situation that i am in sexually and I could put on there...nil. Like a dry dessert, or a quiet pasture land. Then they asked about the future...and I just put down, will wait to sleep with only my wife...period. I loved that question. It was a stamp...saying...this is how it will be. God, teach me your ways...YOUR WAYS. Let it be so.
So this weekend, busy, busy, busy. Lot's to do, study, help throw an engagement tea...which totally reminds me. When I was in BC, my friend got married and I thought, boy, I loved the lady who was their wedding planner. I thought, I would love that. I already did little event planning with a coworker and so why not. I enjoy it, the creative planning, making sure everything gets done. So when I was discussing the meal with the father/mother/bride and groom to be, the bride to be said, you should just be our wedding planner. Well, I blew it off, saying, I don't want to be "Fraunk", but then I remembered the dream and realized...wow God, you are letting me do a little learning. I even have a photographer and flower contact. Plus this week, I have been asking God for a creative thing to do. Then I thought, hmmm, what about being a wedding planner for those who come out of the gay and lesbian lifestyle...now wouldn't that be something. Party and celebrate and make it grand.
Just thoughts I am pondering...and asking God again......"TEACH ME!!"
1 comment:
You could plan ALL my kids' birthday parties, too! Man that's a lot of work.
I like the question "What's your holy discontent?" Mine would be around abortion. I have wondered why so much of the church seems to NOT be as bothered by it as I am. But that question really sets the tone for being less judgmental, for me. I can recognize that God seems to place certain issues on the front burner for people's hearts. I can think of various people who have had a heart for issues of poverty, sexual freedom, abortion, genocide, female genital mutilation, addictions, homelessness - an isn't it good that God has different followers with different emphases? It would be overwhelming otherwise, and it would be hard to find the impetus to make progress.
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