start again

God has been reminding me that it's always okay to just start again.

For most of my life, finishing something has been a challenge. Maybe not so much finishing something but maybe it is just the discipline to have routine and factor that in to my day to day life.

December is always a month that I begin to look back over the year and think..."what worked and what didn't".

One of the biggest things that I am finding is that having a child has turned my life topsy turvy. I knew it would change my life, but to this degree, I did not imagine. It seems that the last thing that I can manage is to read the word and pray. I get caught up in play, laundry, cleaning, laundry, cleaning...oh ya...and play!!!

Today, I realized that Phoebe (our daughter who is 2)just became Daddy's girl. For months, I have pinned for her to see "daddy" to run to "daddy", but she has needed the comfort of her mother...to secure her in love and now she is beginning to look to Daddy to affirm her in who she is.

So I sat down this morning to read the word. (starting a new schedule, as this has not been a good year for scheduling reading)
Who comes running up to me with her dolly's and is wanting to play? She looks at me with her big brown eyes and I stop and play. I engage her in play and then go back to reading and 5 minutes later...she comes with a book...and says "sing jingle bells?" and so we go to the piano and spend time singing together. She is a delight.

After I go back to read, she comes again. I put the reading aside and will do it later. What I have realized is that my time with the Lord is so important, and time with my daughter is important. I want and need to spend time with both. I also need to spend time with Paula and connect with her heart.

So I start again. I look at the ways things didn't go so well, maybe in my relating with the Lord and reading the word and having a more disciplined life. The ways I may have not sought out Paula's heart in the ways she needed. When I think of all the things that didn't work this past year, I know that I could easily get paralyzed in fear...but I need to turn that back to Jesus and know that there is always new beginnings, fresh starts. I am reminded of the Israelite's who started over many, many times. I am reminded that we have a merciful and loving God, who is with us, despite ourselves and our own failings.

Lord, help me to see my worth in you. Out of that understanding may I increasingly know that there is nothing that can separate your love for me. That I am your beloved child and I matter to you. That you do have a good plan for my life and the life of my family. Lord, I surrender my life to you, the longings yet fulfilled, the desires of my heart and the fear and worry of day to day life. May my eyes be fixed on you, rather that the circumstances around me. May, I live my life pleasing to you. Birth in my a new revelation of your love, a new passion for your word and discipline to set good routines for my life, so I can be a loving Husband and Father.

I love you Lord...

amen

Gender and Sexuality...is it really that important?

I have had several emails from those who read my last column “Born this way? CC August 22, 2011), and I want to thank all my readers for taking the time to consider the words that I put together. This column dealt with social issues, focusing primarily on same gender attraction and the church.

To some, this issue may be something we “just don’t talk about,” while to others there may be an attitude of “what’s the big deal, it really isn’t much different than someone dealing with heterosexual lust issues.” I believe that our gender and sexual identities are very important not just for us, but to God and how he designed us. Culturally speaking, we live in a hostile climate. My mom, who has spoken along side my wife and I at various settings, states that there is a “climate change” that is happening and she’s not talking about the environment. Rather, she’s talking about a change in how the church and society views gender and identity. Some church communities are slowly becoming an affirming place for those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered, and by doing so are encouraging these people to continue walking in their broken state rather than offering the hope of restoration through Jesus Christ.

Gender and sexual identities are important. I believe that God formed us and made us male and female, and that he created us to be this way for a reason. Specifically, he did this so that we could bear his image to the world around us as we walk in whole and holy relationships with the opposite sex. What we are seeing is a distortion of gender, a confusion regarding sexual identity and an embrace of a fallen, broken state. The enemy of God loves this. The enemy of God (Satan, Devil or whatever name you call him), wants to wipe God off the face of the earth. He will do whatever he can to accomplish this. This is a bold claim, but I believe that one of the last frontiers that the enemy has is our gender and our sexuality. Abortion has been going on for years, killing innocent babies. Babies that God knew, created and had plans for. The enemy continues to have his hand in the whole area of abortion, but that isn’t enough. If he can distort the image of God in any way, then he has done his job.

Someone who read my last column asked me “Really, what is so different about same gender strugglers?” For myself, I came to the place of realizing that my unwanted same sex attraction was no different than a heterosexual man dealing with lust (other than
the object of our lust). The root issues for me were very similar. I struggled with shame, insecurity, low self esteem, control and anger. When these core issues are triggered it caused me to seek comfort in the arms of another man. Often when these core issues are triggered for a heterosexual man dealing with sexual addiction, it causes them to seek comfort in the arms of a woman.

It’s important to realize though that those who struggle with unwanted same sex attraction come from varied background and experiences, and that the issue is very complex. It isn’t just a pat answer that will help the struggler. The person who struggles has often spent years in silence, often fearing a negative response from those in their community, specifically within the body of Christ. How we respond and how we love is very important to those who struggle with gender and sexual identity issues. If what I believe is true regarding the enemy destroying God’s image by distorting gender, then the body of Christ needs to rise to be a different voice, a voice of hope and restoration. It needs to rise to it’s place as a community of grace and truth. Affirming and bringing people into the healing presence of Jesus Christ is crucial. Loving people and being truthful about our own broken places will hopefully allow others to realize that the body of Christ is a safe place to seek out the restoration of God’s intended purpose for our gender and sexual identities. This is a huge issue we are facing. One that won’t “just go away,” but is at the very heart of a God whose image depends on how we walk out our gender and sexuality.

back at it!

It's time to get back into this thing called blogging. I have done some thinking over the last year especially since our daughter is now turning 2!!

I put aside writing because, I really was just plain tired. Being a 44 year old dad means to be intentional with everything, especially with my time. Even now as I type this at 11 pm, I realize my greatest gift to Phoebe and to Paula is to head to bed, get a great night sleep and begin again in the morning.

Alas, I am a night hawk. Love the night and get my second wind around 10 pm.

So I won't make this profound or amazing, but rather, a statement that I am coming back on. Typing my thoughts and the things that mull inside my head.

It's gonna be interesting folks. Sometimes, it won't be anything profound...sometimes, it may be things to ponder and think about...and maybe you'll get a laugh or a tear. But I am thankful and humbled by those who continue to read this blog, and comment, and those who have been encouraged by the journey God has me/us on. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Seriously, it is what brings me to my knees and brings me to the cross of Jesus everytime.

Things I am working on...writing...worship! Oh, and I have my first Sermon in September. I am kinda excited about that. The topic "things we don't talk about in church...namely SEX!"

Only God in His great mercy can take a former gay activist, transform his life into a humble servant...willing to share the journey with others, so that God receives all the glory and fame...and hopefully others who are struggling, can rise to their feet and know in increasing ways...the supreme love of our Papa...and be open with their own lives so others can see that there is hope!!!

Until next time...blessings to you in your own journey.

Believing

This morning, I woke up with a song in my heart. To believe, to radically believe that our Father can do exceedingly more for us, that He can move into every area of our lives and permeate us with His love and affection.

We are believing in BIG things and small things. Our God is a big, big, big God. He is the only true God. To think that He calls us His children. His beloved. That He has an amazing inheritance for His children. Why wouldn't we want to share that with others? I don't want anyone to miss that!

I think...if God can pull someone like me out of the mud and mire of my own making...and clean me off and set me free to worship Him...to give Him glory...wow, what more can He do...in my life...and in everyone's life.

Giving

This morning as we stuffed envelopes and donation cards, including our fall fundraiser update, a few of us (volunteers) got talking about support raising.

We talked about the challenges of raising funds, and the CRA strict guidelines for not for profit ministries (staff). I have been extremely blessed in the fact that with monthly donors and one time givers, I have had a full salary for almost my whole time here at LW. That isn't the case for many missionaries who live by faith. Sometimes it can be very difficult and yet they see God come through countless times.

The reason I pondered on this and talked about this is because society and cultural influences are beginning to change things in regards to what ministries receive a charitable status.

In 2011 "The federal New Democratic Party, Canada’s official opposition, unanimously adopted a resolution over the weekend to revoke the charitable status of unscientific “ex-gay” organisations, including Exodus Global Alliance."
(read the full article here)
http://www.slapupsidethehead.com/2011/06/ndp-resolves-to-revoke-ex-gay-charitable-status/

This came as quite a shock, but we are not surprised given the history of activists who do not fully understand and quite frankly won't understand the issue of unwanted same sex attraction, as it pertains to a orthodox faith viewpoint. (conviction)

Since this article and countless ones have been written on this particular issue, I got thinking about all ministries...specifically Christian ones as well as Churches who continue to believe that homosexuality (the act) is sin, could well be on their way toward non-charitable status. It seems the loudest voice wins, no matter what a specific organization or ministry is doing. If someone finds something offensive, especially in the who area of GLBT, watch out! There is no grace or willingness to understand a different way of thinking. Part of that comes from not being enlightened specifically in the area of spirituality.

Thinking even more about this issue, I have to look deeply within the christian culture (if I can say that) and see that often times we as believers donate to causes because we'll get a nice big charitable donation receipt. I have to admit that I am privy to that thought process. I know that giving my tithe allows me a benefit. Yet, what if that is taken away? Would we give? Would I give? God has been really pushing me outside my rights to receive a tax benefit and is asking me to give over and above...When you give to the poor, don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Maybe this even goes further in thought to look at how we live in community and how we do life. How do we support and care for those around us who are in need? Do we wait for a tax receipt?

"What father among you, if his son asks for bread, would give him a stone, or if he asks for a fish, would give him a snake instead of the fish?

This idea continues to swirl around in my head and I will most likely be thinking about this for quite some time and or write about it to get it out of my head. But do I want it out? What I want to do is continue to press in and pursue the Lord and what He is asking of me. To know that nothing...absolutely nothing belongs to me...and that in and through him ALL my provision comes. It is only through Him!

My family and I have been the recipient of many people who have provided over and over again, above our understanding, our imagination. We have seen God move in the whole area of provision. Both for those who donate and receive a tax benefit and to those who send us funds in the mail knowing full well they won't receive any receipt for that giving.

We thank God for each one of you. For the blessing you are to us and more so, the blessing you are to your heavenly Father when you step out and give. He loves you so much. You are all his favorite kids...and He lavishes His love on each of you!!!

Thoughts on Lady Gaga's Guest Editor Stint for the Metro

Let your identity be your idol…oh I mean religion.

Lady Gaga’s image appeared front and center on the cover of the Metro news in Winnipeg. Born This Way the caption printed under the image of Stefani (real name) a cross hanging from a dog collar around her neck, dressed in a two piece black number with rhinestones hanging from her breasts. Flashbacks to Madonna come to play in my mind as I look at her image. Who is Lady Gaga? In her one hour interview with Michael Freidson she gives snippets of the reality in her life…or is it fantasy. In regards to her Born This Way album, she states, “The most paramount theme on the record for me struggling to understand how I can exist as myself, as someone who lives halfway between fantasy and reality all the time.” This could well paint a good picture of the now 25 year old who continues to paint a very peculiar picture of herself in media and to her “little monsters…her fans”. She wants to change the world.

Funny thing is, the world has bought into another entertainer who by rights saw a void in the whole area of sensationalism and has used that to gain momentum and this is not uncommon nor is it new. Each generation needs or longs for a new sensationalist who grabs there attention and does things that bend and twist the norm, to validate and affirm things within them.

I believe we are all born with an innate void that needs to be filled. If we think theologically, we are all born into sin. We have a predisposition to be rebellious in nature and live to please ourselves rather than submit ourselves and our human nature to our creator God. As Gaga’s interview goes on, she states that she was “taught her whole life about Judas and Jesus and Mary Magdalene.” She goes on to say that Mary Magdalene fascinates her, as she believes that Mary is both “wholly human and wholly divine”. She then asks herself, “how can I be fully magical and fully human?”

I believe we are to come to the place of understanding how we are “Born This Way”, not in the ways we define ourselves, nor allow others to define us, but to recognize the area within us that longs for acceptance, affirmation, love, which in it’s fullness will not be filled until we meet our saviour Jesus Christ and our Creator God. We will in our humanness grapple with identity, self worth, wholeness, acceptance, love and the list could go on, while we are here on the earth.

Gaga goes on to repeat herself over and over again, that her passion is social justice and music. She says she probably should go to therapy and goes on to say that she is in tune with herself. That at the end of the day she has to look in the mirror and be proud of everything she stands for. She says she doesn’t party very much, nor is she seen falling out of nightclubs…yet, she is still a sensationalist. Would Lady Gaga be who she is, if she doesn’t wear a meat dress, nor dress provocatively in an already sex crazed society? In a recent show on TV, she was described as a positive role model for young girls. I had to laugh a bit at that, but took serious note as to that statement. Would I want my daughter to look at her as a role model, dressed the way she does? Would I want my daughter to dress like that? Would I want my son to come home with a woman dressed like that?

I don’t want image to be the only impression, yet it plays a part in the image and role that she plays in our culture. Lady Gaga, doesn’t work with men who are dealing with sex addiction, yet she is a role model for sex addiction. She says social justice is very important to her, yet as a role model what negative roles does she play? Our society of young people are buying into her sensationalistic mentality and running with it.

If Lady Gaga would clear away the outfits, the sexualized images and provocative statements, the makeup (essentially, everything that has imprinted her as Mother Monster) and just sang and worked on social justice issues could she do it? Could she see a bigger picture of what and who she is in the world around her, rather than the Monster image portrayed by her? My heart breaks for her, as I see a young woman desperate for attention, longing to know what real love truly is, even if she can’t see it. As much as she is a sensationalist and a poor role model, my prayer is that she knows the incomparable love of her heavenly Father who calls her to something more, something greater than what she can imagine.

The May 17th issue of Winnipeg’s Metro was focused on the now “Born This Way” LGBTQ campaign. Throughout the paper well known gay and lesbian media representatives answered the question, “What advice would you give your 15-year old self, knowing now what you didn’t know then.”

What surprised me as to the whole theme of the paper was the idea of wanting humanity to find togetherness and in Lady Gaga’s words “We are all different and it is that which makes us the same.”

Is my existence which is different than the cultural expectation of me (someone who was once gay identified, who would still say I struggle with same gender attraction to some degree) acceptable and welcomed, understood and embraced?

Is the message welcomed that if you are in conflict with your same sex attraction, specifically in regards to your faith, that you can seek out wholeness, seek out healing, and an understanding to why you may feel this way, rather than taking on the immediate labels LGBTQ or “Born This Way”? Is that immediately deemed abusive, repressive, homophobic if you decide to uncover why you think or feel this way and decide to find another way to define yourself.

Having struggled with my sense of gender identity for years before I came out at age 30 and then at age 38 decided to look at the root causes of my gender distortion and confusion after an encounter with my creator God, I came to realize that I am so much more than “the struggle” and I see a bigger picture of who I am and why I was created as a gendered being. I see my worth and my identity wrapped up in my understanding of who I am as a son of God. Fully loved, fully embraced and fully free to be the man God had from the beginning desired me to be. I walk upright and fully present to my weakness, my faults and vulnerabilities. My struggle is not a liability, nor does it hinder me to fully love myself, my wife or my daughter…and ultimately those around me.

My message to my 15 year old self if I had been asked the question:

Life gets better. It really does. You may not see it now, nor understand fully because of what you are struggling with and even the ability to understand it fully may not happen for a while, but know that the God who created all things, who knew you before your parents even did, has a plan and a purpose for your life. He didn’t create you gay, nor is He punishing you or causing this internal struggle with your gender. He does though have a bigger plan for your life, one that will BLOW you away. Learn to trust Him. Find some safe people to talk with, ones who will walk with you and listen. They don’t need to have all the answers, but they should walk you toward Christ. Be transparent. Be real. Don’t hide your struggle or your questions, but talk about it. There is no shame in struggling, there is no shame in who you are, unique, wonderful, amazingly talented, handsome, confident, a beautiful gift to those around you. You don’t need to try to be like other men around you, the ones you think you should be like, rather be you. Be who God made you with all the musical talent, creativity that comes from Him.

You are more than your struggle and you are way more than what the world would label you as. Don’t seek out idols, don’t let heterosexuality be your idol, don’t let homosexuality be your idol, don’t let the struggle be your idol. Worship the Lord. Worship Him with abandon. He longs for you to come and bring everything to Him.

He will make the journey ahead full of joy…but remember as you seek out holiness, that does not necessitate happiness (happiness is different than joy). Holiness comes with a cost, it is sacrificing your life, laying it down at the foot of the cross daily. That is hard. It is a sifting and a refining and the LORD JESUS CHRIST who made the ultimate sacrifice is right there with you. HE won’t give you more than you can bare.

Remember to love yourself, for in doing so, you can love others well. Be brave, be courageous and be bold in your faith and your transparency. I love ya!

Called into Fullness

Last month I participated in a one day conference on gender, where I spoke on the stages of development regarding same-gender attraction. In preparing for the topic, I read numerous books and articles and found many interesting facts on the subject. I made notes, interjecting my own story within the often-dry facts, and created a powerpoint for the visual learners.
Every time I am invited to share my journey out of a gay identity, I am honoured and take it very seriously. I consider it pure joy to have walked this path, even through the hardships, struggles, temptations and battles that have taken place. I see a much bigger God because of it. So this invitation was no different than the rest. But it ended up being something of a first for me. As we entered the church, there seemed to be a buzz of anticipation regarding this topic. The room was packed. Usually, events like this draw a handful of people, but this one was larger and people seemed keen to understand the issue. This impacted me at an emotional level that I had not experienced in a long time. On more than one occasion, I had to swallow to hold back the emotions so I could get through the topic.
The day progressed — participants eagerly asked questions and sharing in group discussions. The hum of understanding swelled among the congregation. It was beautiful to see understanding and compassion meld together in unison.
Then, at the very end of the event, when one of the speakers was winding down the conference, a middle-aged man stood up. He wanted to make a statement. (Even as I write this, tears well up inside me). Silence filled the room as he stood before us. He cleared his throat and then began. He wanted to apologize on behalf of the church for not loving those who struggle with this issue. He asked for forgiveness for remaining silent when he could have shown love. He repented for not learning about the issues of same gender, instead remaining ignorant and uncaring. It was a highly emotional response and I am not sure there was a dry eye in the room. The last speaker who had remained on stage openly wept as this man repented and asked for forgiveness. When he was finished speaking, the speaker (still weeping) accepted the apology and thanked him for his vulnerability and loving response, and then the two men embraced.

What repentance triggers
The leader went on to say that he has been speaking on the topic of same gender attraction for nearly 20 years and this was the first time anyone had ever done that. It deeply impacted him, as — more often than not — the church community has turned a blind eye to those who struggle with homosexuality, hoping that the issue goes away or someone else deals with it rather than stepping up to become a healing community that loves and embraces. For myself, I saw a community eager to learn and understand, rather than remain closed off in ignorance regarding the complex issue of gender attraction. Deep healing happened within me as I witnessed this embrace between these two men.
My prayer is that this begins to happen in the whole body of Christ. That we become a healing community that loves and embraces all people. That we become a body that doesn't just turn a blind eye at one part, but looks at the whole body and comes to realize that we all need each other. Those who are struggling with same-gender attraction need the body of Christ to call them forth into the fullness of who God has designed them to be, restored and whole. Heck, we all need that. None of us are exempt in our need of others to speak life to us. A lot of us continue to walk in distorted views of ourselves and that's why we need others. Maybe that begins with the posture of the repentant man, who initiated something at that conference. He confessed his own lack, his own apathy and asked for forgiveness. Maybe as we do that, we will attract more people to the body of Christ rather than repel people away from what they desperately need — each other. May we become the healing communities that Christ is calling us to be.

Published in the Christian Courier

Out of the Mud and Mire

During our prayer time today, I had a deep sense of the Lord asking me to go deeper into what breaks His heart. I got an image of Jesus pulling someone out of a pool of mud/mire/shit and a hand reached out of that muddy pool and grasped a hold of the persons ankle, trying to drag this person back down.

Thankfully, our God is bigger, stronger and more loving than any other being that exists in the past, present and future. He is the creator and giver of life to everything.

But we have millions of people who are caught up in a battle for their lives. Ephesians 6:12 reads

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

There is an enemy that wants to pull us...God's created ones down into the mud and mire to keep us bound, hidden and unable to move due to the weight of all the crap around us. The way we think, the way we believe, the way we act, countless ways we stay bound in captivity.

I was doing some research today on articles and organizations that have really made my heart break. One comes from a health and wellness magazine which was advertising the www.getiton.ca website. The name in and of it self can speak volumes in regards to how culture views the GLBTT community and even how they see themselves.

It says it is there to promote wellness within the GLBTT community and yet as you dig deeper within the site, it becomes quite clear that everything goes...as long as you are not hurting another person. Specifically in the Is this Normal? link. They dis-spell that sex can be an addiction...when in reality it can. They do say that if it interferes with everyday routines...you "might" consider discussing your concerns with a counselor or mental health practitioner. But find a sympathetic voice within the GLBTT community who will understand you and not make you change what is an essential part of who you are...someone who is compulsively sexual. They say that compulsive sexual behaviors which involve the internet, porn, cruising, sex or any other behaviors, stating that these are not harmful in and of themselves.

...STOP...

Not harmful? We can become liberated and free...yet there are many aspect of that statement that are untrue and are very harmful both to the physical, emotional and spiritual aspect of any person who engages in behavior such as this. It may feel liberating and free...yet it does harm us at the core of who we are.

This link goes on to spread much untruth about Reparative therapies, stating they interpret religious texts in ways that support only certain sexual preferences or behaviors. To quote "In an effort to "save" GLBTT people, reparative therapies are aimed at convincing people that they should deny their gender and or sexual identities and or preferences."

Further down, it reads that the people that are most susceptible to reparative therapies are those who identify strongly with religious communities...and that it is not easy to explore and trust an aspect of yourself that is rejected by an entire community. It gives a link to the only spiritual component to the site that I have seen which in no way acknowledges the journey of someone of faith who cannot reconcile being GLBTT within their component of faith.

It really is heart breaking the lies that have been written and forced upon people who deem tolerance and diversity to be key ways to live and accept others who may be different.

This site though it has some good articles on health, has many messages of hate, and has many messages that do not promote holistic health in any manner. It is disheartening and it grieves and breaks God's heart, as He has so much more for those in the GLBTT community.

So what now? Where do we as a faith community go or do? We love. We begin to address our issues of unhealthy ways of relating, speaking, and looking at others. We begin to get healthy in all areas of our lives. We begin to walk with a transparency and realness and a kindness that shows the love of a Father, willing to give up His son for all mankind. How are we being Christ? How are we loving others, as we love ourselves?

I believe it's time for the body of Christ to rise and takes it's place to be the redemptive voice, the hands and feet and to not bow down to the mud and mire with disgust and contempt, yet help pull people out. To help be the RESCUERS!

What are we waiting for? Are we waiting for culture to dictate to us what that should look like? Because they are. Sites like "get it on" is one of thousands that dis-spell truth and wholeness.

It's time...rise and take your place...with love, mercy and kindness that leads people to know the redemptive love of Jesus Christ, who cleans all people of the mud and mire in their life...beginning first with us.

God Embraces

Who in their right mind would travel 5,000 kilometres to go to a marriage conference? Maybe putting it another way, who would travel 5,000 kilometres to the middle of West Texas to attend a marriage conference dealing specifically with the issue of same gender attraction?

This was one question posed to the group of nearly 160 participants who were in attendance. Participants who had travelled from across the Nation of the US as well couples flying in from Canada and the Philippines.

We did! This was our third year in attendance of the CrossPower Ministries Marriage Conference held in Midland Texas at Stonegate Fellowship. We know full well the impact that this marriage conference has had on our marriage and has given us many tools to use as we relate to one another as husband and wife. Though this conference is put on for couples who either the husband or wife (or both) struggle with same gender attraction, this marriage conference is also impacting the mentor couples that do not struggle who come down with the participants, as well, for the countless volunteers who served us.

The moment you arrive, you are served. You are served by an incredible spirit of love and humility. For those who volunteer from Stonegate, the participants are a symbol of what God can and will do in marriages submitted to Him. The lead pastor of Stonegate Fellowship made the comment addressed to the congregation on the Sunday following the conference, “who of you would travel countless miles to attend a conference primarily focused on your struggle? Who of you would attend a conference dealing with gossip, over eating, lying, envy, pride, lust?” It was one of those moments you just wanted everything to stop, to soak in those words. Truly, how many of us point our fingers or made a judgement or value statement about someone else, while we continue on, feeding our own ways of coping and medicating on our own substance of choice, to make us feel better?

It was humbling again to be surrounded by a community that loved on those of us who often have felt marginalized and fingers pointed at, or words spoken just in ear shot regarding the issues of same gender attraction. Many of these people openly express that even in their lives, they too had once humiliated those struggling with same gender, looked down upon “that issue”, rather than be Christ's hands and feet. I have not seen so many tears shed in one place by so many people humbled by the presence of the Lord, who calls us to love unconditionally, to serve, not expecting anything in return and to show kindness that goes beyond our knowledge of a certain issue.

It encouraged us, blessed us and caused us to also ask ourselves, “Who are we serving? Are there people who we may not understand that Christ is asking us to serve, not expecting anything, but just show love to, regardless?”

Jesus walked on the earth to become a personal God. He came to bind up the broken hearted, set captives free, to look after widows and orphans and to walk along side the outcast. He showed that to us, and calls us to do the same. He went to the cross to take away our shame, to make us all one with him. Sometimes we think that the ground at the cross is uneven and that some people are more accepted to be at the foot of the cross than others. Like Pastors, Missionaries, Leaders, and yet, we are all called to that place at the foot of the cross. We are all called to be there in solidarity towards one another, not with an air of supremacy over another person, rather with a knowledge that Christ invited us all there together for us to walk with one another despite our differences and struggles.

We experienced that at this conference. We got to journey with those who have not struggled with same gender issues, but who have faced many other struggles and issues in their lives and out of meeting with Christ, recognize the need to welcome and embrace those they may not understand.

Personally, it again showed me the picture of God the Father, who welcomes and embraces all of us, through the working of His Son on the cross. This incredible love for all people and once we begin to taste this love that He has for us, it should only instill a greater hunger within us to show this love to others.

May your lives reflect the love of your heavenly Father, who asks you to receive all that He has for you, so in return you may shower that love on others, especially those you may not fully understand.

Freedom

What happens when the freedom of expression is taken away and the ability to say the uncomfortable is removed, have we moved to robotic responses? Just saying what other people want and or need to hear, so we don't get ourselves into trouble!

Having experienced MUCH inequality and as I sit and reflect where that came from it was surprisingly from the gay community (the diverse one). When I walked away from a gay identity, I lost many friends, I lost a home, I lost finances. Would I do it again? You bet!
And in my walk out, what was I faced with? A label of ex-gay? Straight? gay? Ex ex gay? And I was walking back into the Church…knowing that in that place is where the Lord wanted to bring much healing. But I feared the Body of Christ, because I knew that “this issue” was one we just don’t talk about. I had heard people say… “homosexuality isn’t in our family? It isn’t something that has affected OUR CHURCH!” So we stay clueless of the issue! Hoping above all else that “this issue” stays away from us. Yet, we are all ONE BODY…and regardless of denomination, location, styles of worship, we are one. If just one person struggled with same gender, within the whole body of Christ…it has affected us…and we need to educate ourselves and be aware of our call to minister with truth and grace.

For myself…I began to realize that in as much as everyone was needing me to quickly identify myself, I was in the land of limbo! Sure, I was still attracted to men, but part of my reasoning to say no to a gay identity was that for me, I had experienced God calling me out of that identity. It wasn't a human that told me to do it, rather I heard God speaking to me. In acknowledging this, why would I then say I am still gay? When God said I wasn’t. No matter how I felt or who I was attracted to, I needed the Lord to define who I am. I am His child, His beloved, I am not the worlds child.

I began to see how he created me. I began to see the broken places where my sense of gender had begun to collapse. I came aware of the root issues to why I looked at other men with longing in my eyes.

I am not uncomfortable to say I am a heterosexual man. I am not uncomfortable to say that I still experience same gender attraction. I am not uncomfortable to say that I was once gay identified. But I will make no apology when I say that Christ has made ALL things new, even my sense of gender and my definition of who I am and that I am not gay, that was not his intention for me. I make no apologies when I say this to everyone in the body of Christ. I think we have a tendency to perpetuate this in our cultural and spiritual communities, identifying ourselves with our brokenness and addictions, our gender confusion.

With the freedom of expression I am able to say this is what I believed and this is now what I believe. Liberation however can be quite painful, but I count it all loss, for the gain of Christ.

A Director of a Ministry quoted that “ex gays seek to get rid of their same sex attraction as an expression of their sanctification we perpetuate the systemic inequity that has haunted and exhausted and engendered fear for generations.”

For me, I am not getting rid of my same sex attraction, rather, Jesus Christ is refining and defining me as I continually submit my attractions, my feelings, my sense of identity at the level ground of the cross.

Are we to hold on to the cultural definition of same sex attraction? Or are we to hold on to the eternal perspective of sanctification? There is no inequity, nor haunting that has happened, and if it has, it has happened because of the worlds standards being placed upon the heads of God’s children. When Christ says “I make all things new”, does that just mean certain sin? Does it mean anything but my identity? Or how I or the world labeled myself?

For years I thought that my same sex attraction was so different than any other sin. I thought it was the worst one. Now, if we look at the Church we can say that it was perpetuated by the Churches response to those struggling. For myself, did I receive the best counsel from the body of Christ? Sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn’t. For years, fear dominated the response to those struggling. Fear of saying the wrong things, fear of offending, fear of the issue out of a lack of knowledge of those who are struggling. I would like to believe we have come a long way in our response to those who are struggling, and our response to what is happening culturally all around us.

As I stand looking at what can be viewed as “both sides” of the issue of same sex attraction, I see now a pendulum swing toward the faith community taking a more cultural stand regarding same sex attraction. It’s as if we have lost our voice. We’ve now said, “it’s okay to be gay and Christian, with a sense of validity, and ‘coming out’.
We’ve now perpetuated the ‘fear issue’ within our church communities, especially with those who say ‘it’s not okay!’ Rather than holding to God’s boundary lines for our gender and sexuality, we have crossed the boundaries, expecting God’s blessing, expecting him to just embrace us in our willing disobedience.

As we engage the culture, and engage with those who are in the LGBT faith communities, how much have we lost in order for us to bridge the gap? Jesus was all about speaking life and truth into people’s lives. He was about redemption. He was all about unconditional love, which he showed on the cross of Calvary. He was never about us being complacent in our sin. Just as he showed with the criminal on the cross, who rebuked the other criminal saying “Don’t you fear God? Since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

I wonder have we lost the fear of God, for the sake of unconditional love? Yes, the gospel is about love, but it is rich with other disciplines and truths that we cannot discount or brush under the rug for the sake of love.

Jesus loved…but never to the place of complacency or validation for sin. I believe Jesus loves those who struggle with same sex attraction and he loves those who are LGBT identified. Jesus loves. He also calls us out of sin and tells us to sin no more. All sin, including homosexuality. That may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. It’s the truth of the gospels. We can’t negate who Jesus was and is. We can’t refute God’s boundary lines which he has drawn for us for our well being.

It’s not God who formed and designed people to be gay or lesbian, bi or transgendered. God never designed his children to walk in this state of gender bending confusion. We have an enemy that comes to kill and destroy, who is the great deceiver of all time.
We may feel as if God created us this way (I know that at one point I too believed that lie) but God has clearly created us to bear his image, male and female he created them. He created us to come together, for us to show the world, who God is, both male and female.
He did not primarily have male and females come together in marriage to procreate. His primary goal was for us to come together in union to show the character of God in the masculine and feminine, walking together. Period. If childbirth comes out of that, it is a blessing and gift.

When my wife and I got married, we realized that we were two whole people coming together to reflect the image of God in how we walk in relationship with each other and to show that to the world around us. We walk in this reflecting, with humility and grace, knowing we are still being perfected and know our weaknesses and dependence on Christ to continue to be enough for us in our areas of lack. We recognize the body of Christ being an important part of our journey. To walk in community means we avail ourselves to others eyes. It’s saying…”please, if you see anything that I am doing that isn’t pleasing to the Lord, call me on it. I want holiness at any cost, and sometimes I can’t see deception and need other people in the body to help.”

So my question in this is “How are we responding to those who say I am a Christian and I am okay with being gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered?” “How are we responding to those who say God made me this way and He loves me?” When we speak a challenging word, who is being offended? Are we not speaking in love when we say “That is not God’s best for you? That God did not create you that way?” I wonder when offense happens, are those who are being deceived not offended with God, rather than our response? For God loves, but never to the point of allowing us to stay where we are at. Jesus came for us to have life and have it in abundance, never for us to stay comfortable in sin.

Part of God’s leading and directing us in response is to first ask Him to search us and know us. Are we speaking out of a heart that is soft to His leadership? He loves us and wants us to respond well.
James 4:6-10
God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

I wonder before we respond to those we think we should respond to, are we first washing our hands? Are we allowing our hearts to be purified? Are we single minded?

So what do we do? Where do we go from here? I believe that the Lord is calling the Body of Christ to be educated to learn to grow and mature. HE is not calling us to a complacent life. Rather a radical dependence on Him with all our stuff, first, before we look at someone else and point a finger or speak even one word. What is in your life that you are being challenged with? How is holiness being played out in your life?
Are you complacent in sin? What are you worshipping? What do you turn to before you turn to Jesus? Entertainment? The Culture of today? Porn? Self gratification? Relationships? Work? Family? Food? Your identity? Status? Vacations? Is God enough for you? When there is lack…is He enough?

Lord I thank you that you presence yourself with your people. I believe that you are speaking and challenging us to step out of our comfort zones to pursue you with passion and purity…to hold holiness at all cost.

Lord you say that we are the salt of the earth. Help us Lord to remain salty. Forgive us Lord of our complacency, forgive us when we have allowed fear to keep us silent. When we have hid the light of Christ to others. Help us Lord know what grace and mercy is and season our responses out of your abounding love for us. Take us deeper in your love. Papa God…your love is deeper, higher, and wider than what we can even comprehend and imagine. There is none like you Lord God. Come Lord show us who we are in you, who we are in your love. Help us to love out of our experience of knowing how much you love us first, your sons and daughters. We praise your name. We glorify you, saying your name is Holy, Holy, Holy. Let your kingdom come here…let it fall here in our church community, in our homes, in our families, in our work places, everywhere we walk, would your kingdom come. May your loving will be done, here on earth, just as it is done in heaven.
Lord we thank you for your blessings and your provision. We thank you for all you have given us. WE are grateful for rescuing us, for saving us, for redeeming us. For your washing. Wash us Lord from all the things we do that take our eyes of you. Wash us clean Lord…come wash us…wash our minds, our hearts, our ears, our eyes, our hands, our feet. May there be no place that your water does not clean. Forgive us Lord of all our debts, all the things that we hold against others, all the things we hold against ourselves. Lord forgive us when we have not walked in love. Forgive us when we have used our words as punishment, or when we have spoken out of fear, rather than out of truth and honesty, submitting everything we say to you. Lord forgive us. Help us to forgive others. Help us to be a body that is forgiving and may we be quick to forgive.
We ask Jesus that you would lead us on the path of life. As we walk out your redemption in our lives, help us in our broken area of temptation. Help us to not worship creation, but rather may we worship you…the only one we are to worship. Guard us and hedge us in with your protection against the enemies schemes against us. Deliver us your sons and daughters from anything that we have allowed to come in to our lives that is not pleasing to you. We want to remain faithful to you Lord. We want to be found faithful until the end…until we meet with you.
We love you Lord…and thank you for your grace.

Amen

Just some thoughts...on a Saturday

So sometimes I get tired of writing about same gender stuff. I get tired of thinking about it and get tired of talking about it. Maybe I even get tired of living it!!

Then I meet a client and share parts of the story that Jesus has written in my life and I get emotional, thinking of what Jesus has actually done in my life. I am in AWE. Seriously. IN AWE.

Who am I that he would think on me? Yet he does...and with passion and an extreme love that I could waste my life trying to figure out. So I bask in it.

Paula and I are sharing our testimony this Sunday. We have written a poetic version of our story and we have continually added to it, and have shared it now on an international scale. We love to share it, as it speaks to the heart, and really speaks of Transforming Love. A love that captures the heart and draws one into a redemptive plan for every aspect of our lives.

The feeling tired could be sleep deprivation. I have a hard time sleeping...and the Doctor actually gave me a massage prescription...for therapy. Hoping that this works. She gave me a list of things to do...on a holistic and to be pro-active. Especially since we have a child under 2...who by the way is A-Dorable. She makes me laugh every day with her antics. She also keeps me busy reading and reading and reading. Today I read her a book with sign language in it and she copied me and it was beautiful. Bright kid! Thank you Lord.

So we enter into a very busy week. Sharing 3 times. Feeling prepared and ready. I am looking forward to the Gender conference on the 19th. Hopefully people actually attend. I wrote a response called freedom...especially geared to those who are gay Christian's who are content and happy being gay...and who actually feel God made them this way.

I won't post in on here yet, but it was challenging to write. Yet timely and applicable to our culture of today, as well for the Christian community. One of the basic points is...

In Church's there can be a view that the issue of same gender isn't in our church, so we don't have to talk about it. It isn't in our family so it doesn't affect us. Yet, we are all one body. Regardless of denomination, location, worship style, size or shape, we are one. It isn't applicable to say it doesn't affect us, if someone in another location is...or the issue has been brought up there. If just one person struggled with same gender...in the whole body of Christ...it affects us and is something we need to learn to talk about and minister out of a position of truth and grace...equally yoked.

So...I am kinda excited about the Freedom speech.

On another note...an equally important one...our hearts and prayers go out to the nation of Japan as it uncovers loss and begins to rebuild and clean up after the devastation. It is heart breaking to see the photos and video footage. Lord Jesus have mercy.

listen

How do you listen to the word?

Does your heart harden when it hears the word, or does it rejoice, beat more freely, become alive?

We were challenged today with the life lesson at Soul. It caused me to examine my life and see if there were things that I need to let go of. So I can fully be alive in Christ, to mature and to hear His voice through scripture, through wise counsel.

Yep...there always is. I am human. I fall short and often go to things to fill my life rather than go to God to fill me. I begin to walk in my own strength rather than cling to Jesus, my savior and redeemer. I eat too much for comfort sake, I drink to "just feel a buzz", I play that one too many games of Mario Kart, I do one extra Sudoko, rather than open the word. I'll be entertained by a movie...but do I take the time to be entertained by God? To allow him to delight in me. Because He does...He delights in me, if I am aware of it or not. He loves me, allures me, beckons me...and I can either listen or not. I can fill my life with all sorts of things other than him.

This is about denying oneself and taking up the cross. To find balance and meaning in all things...to know when things begins to take more meaning than Jesus, that it's time to repent and refocus on him. He longs to give us the desires of our heart...which doesn't mean we get everything we want, rather, He want us to first desire Him. To long for him and the things of Christ.

So thanks for the timely message Lord!!! The message to again focus on you, and to hear your voice. To listen. To really listen...and pray that my heart continues to become more and more alive, so that seeds fall and bring into being a large crop.

Book Review-

Turning Controversy into Church Ministry by W.P. Campbell

To be honest, when I signed up to get the book my immediate thought was "How different will this book be compared to the dozen or so books I have already read on the issue of Homosexuality?"
Would there be any different approaches? Would Campbell enlighten me to thinking other thoughts on homosexuality and our call as Christian's to love our neighbor, regardless of who they are?

I was pleasantly surprised with the book, I couldn't put it down and ear marked a couple dozen pages. I will read the book again.

The introduction gives us a framework as to how to position ourselves as we read the book.

"This book is an expedition into the world of vital facts and human factors set against the landscape of God's revelation. I unapologetically fasten scripture as a frame around this portrait. The contrasting colors of the law and the gospel, grace and instruction, truth and love must be blended if we are to understand God's mind and God's heart." C.W. Campell page 17 TCCM

Part 1 Analysis: Your Church, Christ's Body

I particularly like the analogies that Campbell uses to draw us into the water of this particular issue. He describes the body of Christ in various aspects of thought and experience and uses the Feet, heart and head as ways to understand where we may be at in the journey of ministry to those who struggle with same gender issues. We are asked to look at our Church, as the body of Christ and evaluate to some degree where we are at? It is not merely an "us" verses "them" idea, but rather we are asked to first look at ourselves to see where we are at. To recognize our own broken places before we look at others.

"The leaders we need are not those who give in to their weaknesses, but those who humbly trust God for the strength to be obedient. Jesus told us we would need to deny ourselves and take up our crosses if we are to be his disciples (Matthew 16:24). In the realm of sexuality, leaders in the church must model faithfulness to God's creative norm, despite struggles they may face as singles who never find mates or as persons locked into marriages that for physiological or psychological reasons preclude sexual expression. Jesus Christ, who was never sexually active, enables us to find deep intimacy and fulfillment in relationships, even when sexual expression must be curtailed. The Bible showcases singleness, along with marriage, as a holy calling from God (Matthew 19:10-12, 27-30; 1 Corinthians7).
Quote TCCM page 49

Part 2 Approach: Overcoming Controversy

Here we look at Creation and Science, Standards and Psychology, Compassion and the Church.

This section of the book, I would consider the meat of the book. It is well worth it to read this section over and over again. Campbell packs quite a bit of information in this section and delves into science, APA, Theology, Interpretation, holiness, grace, truth. Each chapter we begin with a controversy...and throughout the chapter we are asked to visit that controversy...where are we on the continuum of thought regarding homosexuality? Campbell gives us understanding to various thoughts on the issue of homosexuality and then in a sense gives us a challenge in the benediction (closing paragraphs of each chapter), calling us to look at ourselves first.

"Every time I meet a person who suffers from addiction, I realize this could have been me. The person who carries the wounds of past abuse could have been me. By the grace of God I am still "on the wagon," and it is only grace that will keep me there. I want to extend the same grace to everyone I meet, remembering that where sin is abundant, God's grace is more abundant (Romans 5:20).
quote TCCM page 133.

Part 3 Action Building Ministry
Foundation: What every church needs
Structure: Your Unique Ministry

This section is talking about the blueprint of ministry, and talks about various church sizes and structures. Campbell shows us specifically a sphere showing us a good structure to follow regarding ministry, and then delves into bringing us to understand the vital role that each of the 6 areas are to ministry.

I liked how Campbell used the story of Nehemiah and the walls around a city, to focus me as I read this section of the book. It allowed me to think about the strategies that God has given us as examples to use for any ministry.

I think this section allows us to look at what structures we may have in place, and what we may be lacking in our ministries and church communities, and the reminder to place prayer as the foundation and motivation to do any type of ministry. As I read this section, I kept thinking..."this is so good, my pastor needs to read this."

"This book has offered rationale, testimonies, models, and guidelines for ministry. Now it's up to you. If you doubt the great purpose God has for your church, please reread the first half of Ephesians, pause at the end of chapter 3, take a deep breath, and look at the end of chapter 4 once again. The love of God is wide enough to reach all kinds of people, long enough to keep your church on track through time, high enough to change any life, and deep enough to heal every wounded heart."
quote TCCM page 218

The provides the reader with questions for each chapter making this book a great resource for those who may be leading a small group and want to delve deeper into the understanding of same gender attraction/homosexuality and the call to offer hope, grace, truth and much love to those who are our neighbor.

I highly recommend this book. It is concise, and offers a lot of initial insight for everyone in the body of Christ. It isn't an indepth theological, psychological, or scientific book, but offers a person whoever it is to gain a better perspective on the Christlike response to homosexuality. In our culture today, none of us is called to remain naive regarding the issue of homosexuality, we are called to be well informed and equipped to love like Jesus.

As someone who has struggled with same gender attraction, who was once gay identified, I found this book to be sensitive, loving, but unapologetic in terms of theological truth.

Bill...thank you for the work it took to compile this book and the years you have given to research and understand homosexuality. Thank you for your heart to love others well and recognize that we have all fallen short...and need Jesus.
This is a great resource that I highly recommend.

Kenny Warkentin
Resource Outreach/Programs Coordinator
Living Waters Canada-Central Region
Exodus Canadian Rep.

A little yeast

You were running well; who prevented you from obeying the truth? Such persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. A little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough. Galatians 5:7-9

This past year, I have really been thinking a lot about these verses. It has come to mind on more than one occasion and so I have been mediating on what a little yeast can do. In context the yeast is sin and the dough is the body of Christ. Having worked as a baker for a few years, I know this analogy. It is true how yeast works it's way through the whole batch of dough. It doesn't just stay in one part of the dough, but expands, multiplies and goes throughout the whole batch. It begins to bubble and air pockets form and the whole loaf rises. It also begins to smell yeasty, a smell that doesn't go away until you bake the bread.

As I look at my own life, I can see how discipleship/community played a key role in my journey with Christ. As I walked in community with others, specifically as I welcomed discipleship, it allowed others to know me, and to ask me hard questions and it allowed others to speak life to me. It also allowed for the calling of sin in ones life. We need each other. When we decide to do life on our own and refuse discipleship we can begin to stumble and fall and we may begin to bend scripture and believe things to be untrue.

I remember when I began to slip. It was kind of easy. I began reading publications that believed that homosexuality was okay. That the Biblical understanding was translated wrong, that context was wrong, that the word of God was not relevant to today's living. Basically, I began looking for other ideas, other than the word of God to validate my same gender attraction. I slowly began moving away from the faith community and began hanging out with those with a more liberal faith, who said to me “God made you this way”. It validated my feelings and so who was I to believe. It felt good. It was no longer a challenge or a hardship to believe that God made me this way. I allowed the yeast to work it's way into my life. It began to fester and bubble, and it began to smell. I had a different aroma now. An aroma of independence, an aroma of anger, being gay was it and no one was going to tell me different. You could say I was being discipled but instead of Godly discipleship, I was allowing the world and liberal theologians to sway me from the truth of who I really was and who God created me to be.

When I look back, I wish that people would have had the courage and love to talk with me about my decisions. Maybe I was already too hardened to listen but maybe something could have been said to me that would have triggered a repentant heart.
Knowing what I know now, and having walked this journey out. I have come to a place of knowing who God really created me to be, a man created to worship the one true God, created in His image, not created as a mistake, rather one with gifts and qualities that are continually being redeemed and restored by submitting my whole life to God and in the community of others. I recognize that I need others and I need accountability and discipleship.

If I have a friend who I see is beginning to believe lies or is living in a way that may harm himself or others, I love him/her enough to talk with them. A little yeast in my friends life not only affects them but also affects me and those around us. When I allowed the yeast of identifying myself as gay to fester, it affected a lot of people around me. It spread to my family, my friends and my church community. So I love my friends enough to say something. Not in a condemning or self righteous attitude, but rather one with humility and love. I've been there, done that and know the importance of walking with one another in community. It doesn't always feel good, but in the end it is of value and worth to you and those around you.