So you think you can dance?

Society is sinking faster and faster into a pit of "self."

Sexual exploits and the "sex culture" we are in is dangerous.
It facilitates an unhealthy climate for our children, our teens, our adults and our seniors (no one is not affected by what is happening in the world around us).

One big influence today is the "So you think you can dance Canada" program on CTV. Last night, I watched as the last four danced. This season has been filled with the word "sexy", to the point where you can almost not get a comment without that word being said. In particular, Luther Brown is commented on time and time again as being "sick", "bad", "too sexy", and this is helping out our young women how?

As the camera pans over the audience, we see young women screaming and applauding both the choreographers and the dancers. Rarely do we see young men, rather the audience looks to be filled with young women. So what is being said to them as they watch the women dance?

1. That you are the sum of a sexual object?
2. That you can use sex as a powerful weapon?
3. That sex is it?
4. That sick is good?

I can go on.

Yet, last night as much as I cringe at times when I am watching, I heard some truth in the cracks of the verbal and visual onslaught of sex, I see a picture of submission and lead. Last night as Jean Marc was talking to Vincent, he commented on Vincent's strength to carry his partner. In his ballroom training, Vincent will have learned that to allow the beauty of the woman to shine and radiate on stage and to keep her safe in her movements, it means to lead with courage and bravery. It means to be strong and believe in each step you take. To not waiver in your ability to guide her through the steps.
As the man guides and touches, and takes the steps, the woman is secure that the man will not drop her, and she can fully embrace her movements, because they are in a safe environment.

My hope is that this message is clear, and my hope is that it becomes stronger than the "sex" appeal of the dances that we are seeing.

My hope is that we raise a generation of strong men, and strong women. Who do not waiver in their wanting to dance, in the realm of how God wants them to dance. To find their voice, to find their steps and to dance with passion for their creator. Dance for the injustices out there, for the cultural climate change, for the poor, for the crippled, for the orphans, for the broken. That as our young men and young women learn to dance with each other in mutual love and respect, in purity and holiness, we will see a change take place all around us.

As my wife and I prepare to welcome our baby into the world, I sense this call to father well, but even more so to husband well. To dance well with my wife. (who is a dancer)
Early on in our marriage, we would make a clear space in the room, turn the lights off and turn the music on and just dance with each other, eyes closed, in the dark. Our movements strong and tender, our touch guiding each other to the rhythm of our love of our Father. It was pure and holy, often bringing us to tears and intercession. My wife who has more dance training, free to follow my lead, and found secure in the safety of my untrained steps, because I stepped boldly and strong, tender and loving. Not wanting to crush her, rather love and honor her own movements.

We see a culture around us, who are dancing to get what they want. Not just sexually speaking. We see a climate change of self interest, self preservation.

With words such as, "you just don't understand", "It's my right", "I can do what I wanna do", "I deserve this", "I worked hard for this"...do you get it? Each statement is self speaking and one that is saying, I am more important than you.

In dance, the man leads because he knows what the woman, his partner needs. He isn't doing it for his own glory and what he'll get out of it, he is leading because he knows that in doing so the dance becomes safe, beautiful and can go to greater depths because the woman is free to submit, to find her peace in the her movements.

My hope is that we can go back to the respect and honor of true dancing. Without the word "sexy" being the imprinted word that our culture is screaming into the minds of our young men and young women.

Loving God...Loving Others

We have been hearing a lot about Loving God...loving others at the Church we attend. It has been challenging and though provoking.

I am an ACTS community loving guy, and deep in the heart of my thinking is that one day, we will need each other in ways that go beyond what we can comprehend at the moment.
Not sure why I feel that, but for years I have felt like we are going to get to a place where it will be fellow Christians who will be helping each other out in radical ways, be that with food, clothing, housing, medical care. We won't have the ability to go to stores, hospitals, schools, regular establishments.

With the economical 'scare' that we went through this year...and really it isn't over yet, I wondered, is God shaking things up? Is he allowing things to happen to wake up His Church?

I can't help but think with all I am hearing about loving God and loving others, the radical call on our lives to live fully prepared to give it all up. I look at my own life and battle my fleshly desires and cry out to God to help me with my motives. So that my focus will be on furthering the Kingdom of God. My focus will be on others and their needs rather than mine and getting what I think I deserve.

Realistically my wife and I have had the hardest time so far with finances. We have been open and honest with our struggle and we continue to battle and face it on a day to day basis. Knowing that we could lose our house, we could lose it all, and yet, we continue to hope that one day it will get better. That one day it won't be so difficult and that this road too will become less rocky.

We have had to give up much to follow Christ and in doing so, it has given us a desire to help others who have given it all to run full on toward the cross. Do we really know what we are asking people to give up to follow after Christ? Are we prepared to serve and give to those who are giving it all up?

For my wife and I, we both were in same gender relationships and we both left significant financial assets to follow Jesus. We did it out of obedience. We also left friends, familiar people, family, jobs.

This weekend we spoke at a Gender conference and I was struck with the question? Do we know what we are asking those in the gay and lesbian life to give up? Do we have a concept? and are we willing to be the radical hands and feet of Christ to these people.

Today, as I sat listening to the life lesson, I was reminded of those in my life who walked it with me when I returned home. When I left my house, possessions, material security, my friends, my job, the familiar, and who allowed me to grieve those losses. They allowed my grief to sweep over me and sat with me in that grief.

I heard my wife speak this weekend of her own time of grieving, as she left the familiar, as she left those who called her auntie, and it broke me, as I knew she lived in silence. Fearing those in her community who it was unsafe for her to turn to. I ached for her loss.

Today, I sit in our home, small, old, in need of renovations and some fixings, I see the bills yet to be paid, wondering where we'll get the resources for that, I see our humble home, most of the furniture given to us, not fancy, yet it screams who we are. Because it really has been a community that has built this home.

We are grateful even in this, a time of struggle and hope. A time of radical trust in God and a desire to Love God and Love others. For we have been loved much, by our Heavenly Father, who gave his son to die for us...period...we have been extended grace, even when we didn't deserve it. So in this, we learn to extend grace to others.
I pray for the Body of Christ, that we would see the radical call on our lives to love God and to love others, expecting nothing in return. For if we do that and expect nothing, we won't be hurt when nothing is given back to us.

Lord be Lord! Give us strength, increase our faith, and help us to love!

Today, the headlines read “Bathhouse Blaze”, early Sunday morning a fire broke out in one of Winnipeg’s two bathhouses. Aquarius, a two floor bathhouse, was a low light place to connect with other men for the sole purpose of having sex. The facility also hosted co-ed nights for women to also come and “hook up” or go there for a date night, as one female patron said, a safe place to go.

Having graced the rooms of Aquarius, I know full well what went on behind the entry way. Bathhouses were at one point my friend. A place to have as many encounters with other men as possible, to explore different avenues of sexual pleasure and it played into the excitement of voyeurism. Aquarius was no exception to this fact. The basement of the facility was the dungeon so to speak, with a round bed in a large dark room where I saw men in bondage. Opposite that room was a maze of chain link and a blackened maze of corners, small rooms where one could go and have sex and not see the other person.

Realizing the destructive behavior of the facility, especially in the degrading acts being played out on men as well as women, it became evident that Aquarius was a glorified whore house, only money was not exchanged apart from the entry fee, and the availability of poppers (a drug which induces a person to put aside all inhibition, placing that person in a position of potentially dangerous activity).

I write as a writer who has been to some pretty rough places to get the high of a sexual encounter. What is sad today is that two men died in this fire. One of these men a 23 year old aspiring drag queen, wanted to go into the entertainment biz. When I saw his face, I saw the face of a clean cut male, young and pretty, yet deeply masculine. A face with hope in his eyes. Yet his hope won’t amount to anything, as his life was taken far too early. But the deeper issue with his death is the correlation between his life as a drag queen and his issue with the bathhouse. A drag queen often is one to do fundraising, is looked upon as someone who lives in the public realm. Is often the voice of those in need. Today that voice is no longer speaking, singing or entertaining.

This brings me to the issue of pride. Pride is the big quintessential word of gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered people. The Pride Parade is all about being proud of who you are, and yet, there is a deep seeded, dark issue of sexual addiction in our midst, that is being normalized in our culture today.

“We are proud of who we are, we want rights…we demand them, and we will take down every voice that is against us. Because being against us means you are full of hate.”
Are words that at one time, I used, and heard other gay people speak out loud, and full of force.

Yet having been to bathhouses and having to look at the destructive behavior of my own sexual addiction, I wonder, what kind of pride that was? I wasn’t loving myself, I was actually feeding my addiction and couldn’t see past not getting a sexual fix, the next guy who would turn me on. It was all about sex. Not pride. Pride would be taking care of myself, honoring and respecting myself and others, not using them, for the sake of my own pleasure. Pride is not taking away my inhibitions with poppers and putting myself at risk of disease, or injury. Pride is learning what the roots of sexual addiction are, that are causing us to go to all lengths to get off. Pride is looking at our behavior and or allowing someone in to speak life to us, rather than encourage us in behavior that is hurtful to both ourselves and to others. When did we first come to understand that multiple sex partners are okay, good or healthy? Why isn’t the gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered community standing up in Pride and shouting enough is enough? Treating each other as objects, as sexual toys, as a way to get our needs met, is exactly what Pride isn’t. When will the community that demands respect and pride and the “same” rights as everyone else realize they have a long way to go to “get there”, if they continue to applaud sexual addictions, drug use, and criminal activity.

It is a quiet secret regarding the realm of sexual exploits and the areas of town these exploits happen in our city, where gay men hang out, late at night or during the day, all in the hopes of having sex. Men congregate in bathrooms across the city, to meet someone to have an orgasm. Putting at risk, young children, teens and others who would rather not see what is going on. Sure, you can be as safe as you think you are, but you never know who will walk in, who will see. Why do we sugar coat the issue of sexual addiction?

It is easier to turn a blind eye, to stay silent rather than speak the truth. Maybe it has to be someone who has been there, done it, who has received help regarding his sexual addiction, who needs to stand and speak. So today I speak. I say, “when is enough, going to be enough.” How many lives are we risking when we stay silent? To disease, to injury, to death? How many souls are we actually killing when we don’t say anything? Lives of men and women, struggling with sexual addiction, not knowing their worth apart from the buzz of the moment, only to wake up, empty and alone or empty in the arms of a stranger they just met a couple of hours before.

I know that I have pride in who I am as a man, who I am as a husband, who I am as a father. Would I want my child to grow up desperately hungry for love and affirmation and a sense of worth, so much so they have sex in a bathhouse, in a dark, dingy, smelly cage, inhibitions gone, not knowing how many people are having sex with them? Hardly, the thought of that actually makes me feel sad. So why would we want our friends, our co-workers, our family members, our loved ones to go to those lengths? When will we say enough is enough and stand for human rights, respected and honored?



Bobby Rogers, President and Acting Manager of Gio’s stated…

“Thank you to everyone who came out tonight to help start our community's grieving process. As part of this process, CJOB 680 AM Richard Cloutier respectfully invited members of our community to discuss some aspects of our culture. After consulting with some community members, Chris Vogel was asked to help us out. Chris Vogel , one of the founders of Gio's (The Oscar Wilde Memorial Society Inc.) and leader in Manitoba and Canada with LGBT rights will discuss some of the unique aspects of our community with Richard, Tuesday at 9am. This is such a sensitive topic and troublesome time for us all - please trust that Richard and Chris will help sort through the stereotypes and homophobia that have been drifting in and out of media comments as a result of this tragedy.”


Key words used here are:
Unique aspect of our community
Sensitive
Troublesome
Stereotypes
Homophobia

This is a sensitive matter. Two men died, in a senseless fire.
But what are the bigger issues here? Is there one? What about the reasoning of Pride, and the oversexualized…unique aspect of the gay community?
What about sexual addiction? What about respecting oneself and others? This is rather troublesome.

I listened to the interview with Chris Vogel who stated a few misinterpreted fact.
1. He stated that Aquarius was renovated and was a great establishment. Unless it was renovated in the last 5 years, it was a pretty dark and dingy place.
2. He stated that drugs and alcohol were not used on the facility, and it is a known fact that Poppers are sold and drugs and alcohol are ingested on site (brought in by patrons).
3. He did however say that they needed to have installed fire detectors.

I found that an odd statement, “no fire detectors?”, is that not mandatory at all licensed established businesses. Yet, in the radio broadcast, it was stated that bathhouses do not need a license to operate? So a tragic event took place, 2 men died in an establishment that was not regulated by regular fire and health inspections. So regarding the establishment being a great place to meet and greet, it really was an accident ready to happen. It was irresponsible for the owner as well as the city to allow the establishment to open and operate.

In our city, our motto is “Take Pride Winnipeg.” How is this taking pride? How is this being committed in raising citizen responsibility?

In the end it comes down to citizens making a stand to what is allowed in their neighborhoods, parks, businesses. We live in a free country in which we have freedom of speech and freedom of religion and the right to say “enough is enough.”

Today, I have had enough.

A concerned citizen of Winnipeg.

ah...the sweetness of anticipation

Don't Give Up

Lord let your kingdom reign...

Then the seventh angel blew his trumpet, and there was loud voices shouting in heaven:
the world has now become the Kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign forever and ever.

The twenty four elders sitting on their thrones before God fell with their faces to the ground and worshiped him. And they said, "We give thanks to you, Lord God, the Almighty, the one who is and who always was, for now you have assumed your great power and have begun to reign. The nations are filled with wrath, but now the time of your wrath has come. It is time to judge the dead and reward your servants the prophets, as well as your holy people, and all who fear your name, from the least to the greatest. It is time to destroy all who have caused destruction on the earth."

Then in heaven, the Temple of God was opened and the Ark of his covenant could be seen inside the Temple. Lightning flashed, thunder crashed and roared, and there was an earthquake and a terrible hailstorm.
Revelations 11:15-19

Today, as I pondered yet another friend who has at the moment given up the battle...who is now being deceived by the greatest liar...I asked the Lord, why? Why are so many of our friends falling away, giving up the fight. Saying...This is too hard...or...I can't do it...or...I just don't know what to do anymore!!!

I think...how many more will fall away, allow themselves to believe the lies that are being spoken to them...whispering into their ears, their mind, their hearts, that their desires and feelings are that which is their measuring stick of who they are. This summer, has been a hard summer regarding the falling away, the slow creeping of friends not able to withstand the race set before them. The marathon race of their lives.

I have read all the Harry Potter books. I am now starting the last book, Harry Potter and the deathly hallows. What stirred me today was the fight. The fight against the dark evil that is prowling around, and casting spells on the innocent. Not respecting anyone...but killing and deceiving and in a sense blinding people so they follow the dark arts, and come along side Voldermort.
In the jacket of the book, it reads:

"Never has Harry felt so alone, or faced a future so full of shadows. But Harry must somehow find within himself the strength to complete the task he has been given. He must leave the warmth, safety and companionship of The Burrow and follow without fear or hesitation the inexorable path laid out for him."

So often we feel alone, faced with a future of doubt, shame and desires that go contrary to the word of God and his design for our lives. We struggle with addiction, gender identity, eating, entertainment, low self worth, and we battle, and battle these feelings, these desires. So often alone. Yet, what happens when we are submersed in community and we still feel alone, we still feel that we cannot escape the aloneness, the struggles? Harry has two companions Ron and Hermoine who continue to walk with him, yet Harry still feels alone, the weight of what he has to do on his shoulders, rather than see he has two friends who are willing to give up their lives to follow and help him.

How often do we just give up? Rather than go against all odds, go against culture, go against the "this feels so good", "I deserve this", "I need this" !! What I find as I have been reading is that through out the books, Harry presses on...despite obstacles, hardships, loss, fear, pain...he presses in. He knows what he needs to to, he knows the task...and he has to carry on, despite the fact he may even lose his life.

How often do we just give up? This year, I have witnessed a mass giving up! First hand, watching friends give up! It breaks my heart to see it. It breaks me each time, to watch the falling away of those I love to something that is just a false sense of intimacy, a false sense of love, a false sense of desire.

The past year, I have had more dreams of the coming of Jesus...and often when I think of those who have turned their backs...given up, I am drawn to Revelations.

Revelations 12:10-12
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,
"It has come at last-salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth-the one who accuses them before our God day and night. And they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. and they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Therefore, rejoice, O Heavens! And you who live in the heavens rejoice! But terror will come on the earth and the sea, for the devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time."

It goes on to say the dragon (who was thrown down to earth) pursues the woman and the child to kill them. I wonder...is this the picture of what the enemy is doing to us? There is an enemy who has little time, and the one focus he has is to kill us. To take us out...so that our testimony is null and void. That we cannot defeat him, because our testimony is now void...and we love our life too much, and are afraid to die.

This summer, 5 friends were taken out...but not for long!!! I believe that the work God began in them will be completed. I pray for them, fast for them and intercede on their behalf. I worship the Lord...fall down on my face, as I face His glory and Holiness! Lord let your kingdom fall on our friends, let your love and mercy and grace be upon them...rending their hearts to you, causing them to turn to you, the truth, the light, and the real love they are looking for. Come Lord Jesus...come. May your wrath be turned away from them, lead them to your in your extreme love and mercy...pour it out on them...pour it out...in their minds, their hearts, the spirit! Cast them not away, take not the holy spirit within them. Restore unto them, the joy of your salvation...and renew a right spirit within them...

For those who continue to walk, persevere, press onward...do it with all your strength, with all your might. Forsake all else to follow after your Savior Jesus, who set you free. Who has given you the authority, the power to stand firm. To never waiver, to focus on the prize set before you! Don't give up! Do whatever you need to not give up. Forsake it all...lay down your life...and know...your Father is so proud of you. He is spinning wildly in the heavens when he thinks of you!!!

Glory

This summer has been pretty remarkable in many ways. Looking at the past few months and seeing God's glory being revealed in the workings of my life is pretty amazing.

Throughout the summer, the issue of FEAR has come to the surface, revealing to me an area in my life that I am not so comfortable dealing with. I chuckle even as I write that, as I have faced really hard stuff regarding the root issues to same gender attraction and this at times seems so infantile, yet is important to my Heavenly Father and important for me to bring this to him.

At a recent conference just outside of Calgary, I was asked to go get some stones for a specific project that we were doing and as I walked outside into the dark, fear gripped me. WHAT!!! Why did it grab a hold of me, literally keeping me still as a post, in the middle of the outdoors. I looked around, there was nothing but my imagination at work. Thinking, someone is out there ready to grab a hold of me and kill me. Irrational, foolish, yet at that moment reality for me. I quickly got some stones and walked (okay, I ran) back to building. Breathing intently to calm myself down, hiding my fear.

That evening during the worship, again, FEAR came to the surface, this time showing me areas in my life that I still held fear close.

Fear of losing everything...being left destitute.
Fear of not being in control.
Fear God really isn't there...or that he really is displeased with me.
Fear of the dark.
Fear of the basement...okay, I fear our basement.
Fear that something is out to get me.
Fear that I will be alone.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of losing more children.
Fear of falling...that I could fall sexually!

All this fear...holding on to me, and I...holding on to it. Irrational in many ways, and yet still something that God wants to address...in many other ways. He wants me not to fear, but cast it all on Him...but first, I need to know he is there for me...really...that he carries me, holds me.

So the next day, during my small group time, I gave it over, spoke the words... "I am 42 freakin' years old and am still afraid of the dark!!!"
God came into that. He said... "I do not ask you to conquer that fear all by yourself" and I had a picture of myself and others with me, walking out into the dark, I had a picture of Jesus, walking with me.

I haven't formally done that. Taken some other people to walk with me out into the dark, to face the fear, but I have done that in the basement. I have called out to Paula to come downstairs to pray with me as I face the fear of the basement. Crazy, but true, it works. Sometimes when I get the feeling of fear coming, I just stop and ask Jesus into that very moment in time.

A greater sense of how FEAR paralyzes me was shown this week, as Paula and I realized that financially, we are really in need. It has been very tough and it was elevated this summer with one income and the inability to keep up. What I recognized is that my first response is silence out of a fear of not knowing what to do...and even still, what will people think!!! It has awakened me to the reality that I cannot do anything alone...really! Where does it say...do it all on your own? Be your own God? It says cast your cares upon the Lord...not hold it all to yourself. So this week, stepping past the fear of rejection, searched for solutions to our finances. Seeking others wisdom, who have walked this journey, or who may know of ways to help. It is also giving it over to God, saying, there is nothing right now that we can physically do...so we give it to you God...we actually allow God to show himself God...to increase our faith.

So I am learning to give over my fear, just as I learned to give over the roots of my gender attraction. As I gave over life dominating issues, I now too give over to Him my fear, and my failings, and seek Him before all things.

My greatest desire and hearts cry is that God be Glorified in this...and through our lives...because apart from him, we have nothing! With him we have everything...even in our darkest moments.

Back on...reconciliation

I can't really sleep at the moment, the last few days, to be honest, I have unwound myself by playing a ferocious game of bejeweled trying to beat my friends, who surprisingly have gotten very good scores...way to go!!

It does however get my mind going...working as I replay the day and the interactions that I have had.

I love to dialogue and to talk about how Christ is asking us to live life. I would say I think outside the box most days. A friend of mine explained it to another person. Kenny gets a thought, and he puts it on his blog, to get it out of his head and to get others thinking.

What a good explanation!!! Thanks LLS...you know who you are.

The Holy Spirit has been really speaking to me about motives...why I do or say specific things. There are times, when I would like to just sit down with specific people and hash things out. To say..."come on...get with it!!!" That statement doesn't really speak with a lot of grace...it is pretty black and white.

What gets me though are people...(okay, and I am harder on Christian's because I'm one of them) is that we do all these things to look great(works)...and yet can't seem to get it together to forgive or reconcile. Specifically when someone wrongs us, or we hold all the offenses in until one day it explodes and we put a boundary down and say, you hurt me and so you are unsafe. We spend so much time with the issue in our head, and never talk about it...and then we think it easier to just cut the person out of our lives, rather than realize that we too are in the wrong.

As I look at Christ, I see a savior, who is all about reconciliation. He reconciles us to himself. He sacrificed himself for us...and asks us to do the same.

Recently I heard some great teaching on how David walked this out in his own life. Walking in meekness in the face of injustice. How often do we walk with meekness when we face injustice? When do we give it over to God to be our advocate...our help...our friend? Do we ever lay our own feelings of offendedness and ask "Lord, what would you have me do?" Rather than shut the person out of our lives. How often do we look at our own sin...or ask the Lord...to search me, see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting? Ps 139:24

It got me thinking of my own life, and how I am prone to not speak out of passivity, out of the thought that the other person may not like me anymore. I am being challenged to step out of that and speak truth...to the body of Christ...the Church...the bride of Christ. He is coming back...and he is looking for a spotless bride. I want to be one of those spotless brides. I want to ask the Holy Spirit to search me...so that I can work out my sin. I am not happy to stay stuck or in the same place, and I value people enough to want reconciliation, restoration, repair. We are never meant to not do the hard work of reconciliation. If we have a problem with our spouse or child...do we just put up a wall and refuse to talk to them, or shut them out of our lives? Why then do we do it to others? It actually cripples the other person as well as yourself. Each action that we do or refuse to do either brings life or it brings death.

I wonder then, how are we seeking to reconcile with those who may have offended us?
I wonder then, are you willing to stop and look at your own sin?
I wonder then, can you see Christ? Can you see his sacrifice...when we didn't deserve it, and realize, we are called to be Christ to everyone in our lives?

And...who per chance is watching? Who is looking at every move you make, if you like it or not? Our unsaved brothers and sister!!! They are looking at how we live, love and forgive. So if we aren't fostering forgiveness and love and reconciliation...forget giving your testimony, forget talking about Jesus and how he saves and reconciles people to God...because you are just a clanging cymbal, hurting the ears you are speaking to.

Seem harsh...probably...but life is hard sometimes, and we need to grow up and realize that it isn't easy sometimes, and we are called to be examples, and a shining light for the world to see...their savior.

Good night!!!

Brief Break

I am taking a brief break...as I will be focusing my time on a new blog...

www.debtproject.blogspot.com

My journey out...continues to be something that I am challenged with, but not so much about my journey out of the "gay identity" but rather toward living a life dictated by the culture of today or by the worlds standard...okay that means the same thing!

So I will be blogging about debt reduction, being real with how Paula and I are doing and what is working and what isn't, but I will also be sharing how personally this is challenging me in my faith.

How I believe that we are called to live...I often feel goes contrary to how we actually live our lives.

So go to debtproject.blogspot.com and read, be encouraged, give suggestions, but I challenge you to radically give.

Thanks for the faithful readers...those who have been encouraged...challenged and an inspiration to me...encouraging me on...cheering me on. For that is what we are called to do.

Peace and love

Kenny

Debt Eliminator Project

I recently came across a blog, that was started by Ced Reynolds. Paula and I have been praying to get out of debt, we believe that God is asking us to be intentional, to try our best to walk debt free.
Currently our mortgage is sitting at 132,000 and we have other debt accumulating at around 25,000. It is daunting for us. We struggle each month, we are obedient to give our tithe, and then some on top of that (extravagant givers).
I have often thought...how can we do this? I have prayed for wisdom and understanding and wonder sometimes if we as a body of believers began to help others pay off their debts, we really could live in a debt free community. I hear comments like, "well, they are responsible, or irresponsible", "It's their own sin that got them into this mess", "if they just were more responsible". Each of these statements lay blame, and do not offer grace or mercy. When I hear the Lord tell me to give to someone, it isn't for me to think..."I wonder if they will blow it? spend it on something frivolous or do something that is not responsible." The Lord is just asking me to be responsible to do what He has asked me to do.
Recently Paula and I felt the Lord ask us to give to someone. Okay, it's been a tough month, and we are in the hole, yet, we really felt the Lord tell us to give. So we did. The person called me and thanked us. Relaying to us, how the Lord is working in their life. They actually know our situation and said "we don't get how you could give to us?", I responded that maybe he wasn't supposed to get it. That is God sometimes. We will not get it all the time, and the ways of God far exceed our ability to understand. Why? Because He is God...we are not!!

So, please read the note below. I would love to start a DEP in our community. We know our own debt, but we also know of a family who is in far more debt than we are. Spread the word...talk about it! Let's do something radical for people, which then just frees up more giving.

Peace and joy,

Kenny


Saturday, August 25, 2007
Pray for "The Debt Elimination Project"

Have you heard of the Debt Elimination Project (DEP)? It's really quite an interesting project.

There was a gentleman who had a heart's desire to help pay off the debt of a single woman in his church who had been struggling from year to year. So much prayer had happened for her by the congregation but nothing seemed to change in her finances.

This man who was one of those who prayed for the lady but he was just frustrated as he continued to observe her financial life. He soon discovered that she was in debt because she just couldn't get her debt down because she could only pay the minimum payments on high interest rate credit cards and loans. Nothing ever seemed to change even though she was doing what she could.

The story goes on to say that the man decided that he would take things into his own hands. He decided to do something. He made it his purpose to help this lady pay off her debt. He was able to give her $30 a month. What he asked her to do was to make sure she sent the $30 as extra payment toward the principal on her highest interest credit card.

After a few months of giving $30 the man just felt like he was only helping her scratch the surface toward getting out of debt. He thought to himself, only if there were a few other people who could give a little like I'm doing. He started sharing what he was doing with a few of his close friends and they caught the vision. Five of his friends decided to do exactly what he was doing and started giving the lady $30 a month each. Now she was receiving $180 to put towards the principal of her highest interest credit card.

Long story short, the concept began to spread like wild fire. The gentleman who started the project soon had 34 people who were giving between $15 and $50 a month to help this one lady. In less than a year the lady had all her debt paid off and she was overjoyed.

Here's the clincher. After the lady had her debt paid off she said, how can I help somebody pay their debt off? She said this in the middle of the group of the 34 people who had just helped her pay off her debt. There were several people in the group who were in debt so the group chose one from among themselves and started the process over.

Now imagine this. This new person didn't receive $30 a month. They received over $1,200 a month and had their debt paid off in five months.

The group continued to grow and they continued to choose different people in the group to help pay off their debt. Some people were getting their debt paid off in less than three months. One person even got a $16,000 debt paid off on the spot!

The Debt Elimination Project got it's name based merely on what now over 700 people were committed to doing. They base their purpose for helping others get out of debt on Matthew 7:12 "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them..."

When I heard of this project I committed to help a person I know get out of debt. I'm now in the process of talking to a few of my friends to help them get out of debt.

I'm actually seriously thinking about taking this to another level. I'm thinking about starting an official Debt Elimination Project in our church. We have plenty of single women, widows and certainly families who are in debt who desperately want to be financially free.

************************************************************

What you've just read is just a story I wrote to capture your attention. The gentleman in the story is me. The story is a vision of what I believe the Lord has shown me to help people in my congregation get out of debt and stay out. The other reason I wrote this story is to solicit your prayer as I pursue God's plan to help one person at a time get out of debt. I truly believe it's a whole lot easier for one person to get out of debt if 200 people are helping them.

A debt free church is a church that can be used to to it's full potential.

Stay blessed,

Ced Reynolds

Posted by The Entrepreneurial Pastor at

just some thoughts...

Since I do not have TV, nor do I read the newspaper (much), there are those who may think I am living in the dark ages...or deciding to remain ignorant about issues that are being raised in Government and the world around me.

1st...my life is not governed by the world, nor the government that is around me. Yes, I follow the laws of the land, pay my taxes, because that is law. Yet, my final resting ground is not here, and my faith is in the eternal, not the here and now.

It has become more and more disturbing to read and listen to hate speeches, and I have been increasingly more disturbed with those who consider me a part of the problem, because of my faith. The notion that I hate gays or lesbians, the notion that I hate those who abort their babies...right up to the due date, because it's legal!! They assume things because I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in the radical move of the Holy Spirit. It was interesting today, listening to the farse..."Prop 8 - The Musical" depicting Jesus Christ as someone just spewing "love", and not hate...and yet the farse is just that! Depicting Christian's who are all the same...all dressed in black and white...stuffy and back country. Of just accepting one part of the Bible and not the rest. Please don't give me that garbage as an excuse when the makers of this Farse...believe the same thing. If you are not living what the Bible says, or supporting it as a whole piece of God ordained and inspired piece of work...then don't use it as something as a weapon against another person.

What was interesting is the way it made fun of itself, depicting the issue of just acceptance of gay and lesbian marriage...and the issue of making money off of it. That everyone should just accept it and make money off the whole issue.

It shows me that they really don't take it serious, that it is just another issue to raise...and maybe we could also say agenda to be placed on the table of parliament, and pushing the envelope of hatred itself.

I truly believe that we are in the days of Noah, that we have been here before, and this time, we are treading on very thin ice. That Jesus is coming back and that He does not come on a little pony, with daisies in his hair...speaking...love...and peace, rather, he is a savior who is coming back as a warrior, on a strong horse, proclaiming that His kingdom has come...and it will come as a great shock to many people. I pray for mercy and grace...I pray for repentance to happen and a turning toward holiness...I pray for radical conversions and repentance of sin.

Lord have mercy!

Bill C-484 Is there a bigger problem?

As a man, I do not take woman’s issues lightly, nor do I take children’s rights lightly. And, as a man I will not even entertain voting for a candidate who does not support Bill C-484, which recognizes that harming a fetus (baby) an act of violence against the woman carrying it as a criminal offence. This bill respects the right toward fetal (baby) rights.
I have read articles on the Unborn victims of Crime Act and applaud the bill. We continue to debate whether or not it “infringes on women’s rights, and people can only assume that it would likely result in harm against pregnant women, and we can only assume this, as this bill has not yet been passed.
In one article, someone writes that it “could” criminalize pregnant women for behaviors perceived to harm their fetuses (babies). What behaviors are we talking about? Drinking, drugs? We already know that behaviors like this do affect fetuses (babies).
What is more interesting is the fact that here in Canada, there is no abortion law, and a woman can have an abortion right up to her due date, yet, if she gives birth even at 20 weeks, Doctors try to safe the life of the baby. Despite the fact that the baby will usually have health issues for the rest of their lives, which burdens the health care system.
We have rights for women. That is great. Yet, who is protecting the right of a fetus (baby)?
If we believe that this fetus (baby) can survive even at 20 weeks, then we have to have laws in place to protect that fetus (baby) because they too have a right to be protected against harm.
Maybe the bigger issue to this is the reality that our culture really doesn’t care one way or the other about people? Be they fetuses (babies) or children, or adults. Maybe we live in a world that is so “me” centered that who really cares about another person’s life. Who really cares about a fetus (baby) who can get injured or killed by crime? Who really cares about the woman who carries the fetus (baby)? Who really cares for the children who walk the streets, because they have parents who don’t give a crap about them? Who really cares for the sick who are unable to care for themselves? Who really cares for the handicapped people, they are just a burden anyway, they can die in hospital waiting rooms? Who really cares for someone who is being beaten up, right in front of us? Who cares for the prostitute on the street corner? Who really cares for the elderly in a seniors home or in a run down apartment?
I think there is a deeper issue here in regards to rights, and the respecting of rights. Until we as a nation, care for others, who really cares?
But for me, as a man, as a husband, as a father, I believe in social justice, and I believe in caring for people, regardless! Be that a fetus (baby), an infant, child, adolescent, adult, elderly, handicapped…and the list goes on. I commend any one who supports the two Conservative Candidates in Winnipeg who support this bill. There should be more!

Days of Noah

Are we in the days of Noah?

Where people drank, lived a life of merriment, laughing, scoffing. When people will scoff at those who believe, conservatively and not necessarily scoff at the "liberal theology, that anything goes".

Today, I was reminded of who God is...and His heart for me...and His children. I was reminded of the cost of following Christ.

There is a cost! When you believe in Christ, it is not just..."let's love people..." but it is allowing him to refine and change you. It means getting into the trenches and realizing that the very act of the cross means more than just "loving others" it means that Christ came to change people.

So when we start believing that...the Bible's translation by man is marred, and that the word of God does not mean what it says, and that really anything goes...because once you start thinking that one sin issue is okay, then really, it is all okay.

Some people have said I am a fool to believe that I can change from a gay identified man to one that is not. Some people say that I am suppressing and some people say that my marriage is a fake, and some people say that just because I am still tempted means that nothing has changed. These people are saying I am a fool. These people are saying that no one has changed or can change...and these people then do not believe in Jesus...the Christ who is in the habit of change. He is in the profession of radically changing people. Christ came for me! He came to make things right, not wrong.

Today, I reminded someone that I have been on both sides of the coin here. I have lived both lives. Actually I am ex ex ex gay! Yet...even that is not what defines me. I am a follower of Christ, who believes radically in His word. Not because, I am hoping I don't miss out when he comes again (you know the better believe in him, because it is a win win situation...and if Jesus doesn't exist then I did not miss anything anyway!)
I love JESUS! I love what he has done and continues to do in my life. I had a life altering moment with God which radically changed me. Hear me...He changes me, not me changing myself. Maybe this is simplistic...maybe to some naive...but it is the story that God is writing in my life...not the other way around.

So I think we are in the days of Noah...which is the days of the coming of the King. People get ready, Jesus is coming...and I think we may be in for a shock!

INJUSTICE

NEWS FLASH!!! Brad Pitt donating money...again. Here is the clip found on the web. I will interject my own thoughts through out the article.


Brad Pitt has donated a staggering $106,312 to help fight Californian ballot Proposition 8, which would take away gay couples' right to marry.
Brad Pitt has donated a staggering $106,312 to support gay couples' right to marry.

The 'Burn After Reading' actor - who previously revealed he would not marry partner Angelina Jolie until everyone in America is "legally able" to marry whoever they want - gave the money to help fight Californian ballot Proposition 8, which aims to take away the homosexual community's right to wed.

In a statement, Brad said: "Because no one has the right to deny another their life, (I WONDER THEN...WHAT IS BRAD'S VIEW ON ABORTION. THAT IS A LIFE, AND WOULD HE FUND OR DONATE MONEY TO HELP SAVE THE LIFE OF CHILDREN? WOULD HE GIVE TO NON PROFIT ORGANIZATIONS THAT OFFER ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE TO ABORTION? NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO DENY ANOTHER THEIR LIFE...PARENTS INCLUDED!) even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8." (NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO END A LIFE, EVEN IF THEY DISAGREE WITH IT. BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO LIVE THE LIFE THEY SO DESIRE...WHICH INCLUDES BABIES...WHO HAVE NO RIGHTS)

Brad's donation is the largest given to the anti-Proposition 8 campaign by an A-list celebrity so far.

(OKAY, THOSE A-LIST CELEBRITIES WHO ARE CHRISTIAN...NEED TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND GIVE TO ORGANIZATIONS THAT PROMOTE LIFE, SOCIAL JUSTICE, AND TO ORGANIZATIONS THAT OFFER A DIFFERENT APPROACH, WHICH IS NOT DISCRIMINATION, IT IS GIVING TO AN ORGANIZATION THAT PROMOTES HEALTH, WHOLENESS AND AN ALTERNATIVE TO SOCIETIES NORM. IT IS GIVING TO PROVIDE AGAINST DISCRIMINATION AGAINST PASTORS, CHRISTIAN LEADERS WHO WILL BE FORCED TO MARRY AGAINST THEIR BELIEF SYSTEMS. BEING FORCED TO DO SOMETHING AGAINST YOUR WILL/THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS IS ALSO DISCRIMINATION...SO BRAD PITT IS ACTUALLY PROMOTING DISCRIMINATION.)

Political strategist Chad Griffin added: "It is our hope that others in the entertainment industry will step up and match Brad Pitt's heroic commitment to quality and defeating Proposition 8."
The 44-year-old actor's decision to donate the money comes just a week after Brad and Angelina - who has previously enjoyed lesbian relationships (THIS HAS TO BE THROWN IN...WHY? WHO CARES IF SHE PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS...SHE IS NOT A LESBIAN...OR ELSE SHE WOULDN'T BE WITH BRAD PITT)- were ranked in sixth position on Parade magazine's list of the most generous celebrities in the world, after giving away $8.9 million of their own money to charitable causes in 2007.

MY COMMENTS ARE THE BOLD ONES. WHAT REALLY GOT ME IS THE STATEMENT MADE IN THE BEGINNING ON EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO LIVE A LIFE THEY DESIRE, EVEN IF OTHERS DO NOT AGREE. SEEING THE ADOPTIONS THAT BRAD AND ANGELINA HAVE DONE, I BELIEVE THAT MAYBE BRAD SHOULD DONATE TO END ABORTION. WHICH DOES NOT GIVE THE BABY THE RIGHT TO LIVE THAT LIFE THAT THEY DESIRE...EVEN THOUGH THE PARENTS DO NOT AGREE.

ANOTHER ISSUE IS THAT HERE WE HAVE A-LIST ACTORS WHO THINK THEY ARE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE MONEY. THAT IS CRAP. THEY ARE ACTORS, AND I HAVE KNOW A FEW IN MY LIFE, AND SOME YOU NEVER KNOW WHO THEY REALLY ARE, THEY ACT ALL THE TIME. THEY ARE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET...THEY HAVE MADE SOME MOVIES...THAT'S IT. THEY'VE BEEN OVER PAID...THAT'S IT. NOW THEY SWING THEIR MONEY HERE AND THERE, EXPECTING PEOPLE TO APPLAUD THEIR EFFORTS. A GOOD EXAMPLE IS OPRAH...WHO DOESN'T LEAD BY EXAMPLE...SHE SOUNDS GREAT ON AIR, DOES SOME GOOD THINGS HERE AND THERE, YET, LIVES A LIFE OF EXTREME. EXTREME WEALTH, WHEN MILLIONS OF PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY BECAUSE THEY LACK WATER, SHELTER, HEALTH. SHE COULD ACTUALLY LIVE ON PROBABLY 10% OF WHAT SHE BRINGS IN...AND SHE COULD GIVE THE REST AWAY. FANCY THAT IDEA. BUT WE IDEALIZE THEM AND PLACE THEM SO FAR ABOVE THE ORDINARY PERSON. OPRAH SAYS SOMETHING AND WE ALL HOLD OUR BREATH...AH...WORDS OF WISDOM!?!?! COMING FROM HER?
WHEN WILL SOCIETY SEE THE HYPOCRISY IN REGARDS TO CELEBRITIES! WHEN WILL SOCIETY FORGET ABOUT A-LIST ACTORS, OPRAH WINFREY'S AND STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES RATHER THAN WAITING FOR AN A LIST ACTOR TO DO THIS OR THAT.
WHEN WILL SOCIETY STOP THE CELEBRITIES MAKING THE NEWS...AND STAND UP FOR POVERTY, INJUSTICE, WHICH CELEBRITIES...COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT.

OKAY...ONE RANT DONE! MAYBE I'LL JUST WATCH A MOVIE...HA!

Grief...

The words, "let me know what we can do to help!", or a friendly pat on the shoulder...as they walk by. As I gulp down the verge of exploding in tears and wailing. Noticing my wife sitting amongst women, in a circle, no one really saying anything, rather, they are just sitting embracing my wife, as tears ebb down her face.

I stand off to the side, alone, taking in the sight of her, shedding the tears for our babies, the ones we won't hold in our arms, the ones we won't watch take their first step, say their first word, graduate, marry, birth their own children.

I stand alone, an occasional glance, a pat on the back, a nod in my direction. I stand, a pillar, a shadow. Maybe I am overly sensitive, maybe I care too much. Maybe my heart is too big. What I do know is that my sense of loss is huge. I have always dreamed of having a large family, many children. My own and those whom I would take in.

Through my own decisions I walked away for 10 years, my 30's. I walked away from a time when many people are planning children. I was absorbed in my own life, getting my own needs met. Now...I long to see my wife, birth. I long to see her beam as she holds our children in her arms. I long to hold them in my arms, against my chest, so they know they are safe, secure. I long to wipe their tears, teach them to pray.

Grief. A fathers grief...often forgotten. Comfort the mother, the wife, as the man stands off, a shadow of what he used to be.

I have learnt from watching, and learnt from my grief, what not to do. Maybe that is what God is doing. Maybe God is showing me what not to say, what not to do. I know that I can shelter my pain, hide it away from people, because, if I let it go...it would look messy, unattractive...unappealing. Maybe it is my own pride that stands in the way of my own grief.

I have made it to the place where anger and sadness are friends. I have made it to the place where I realize my own vulnerabilities, and need to move it to the next rung of the ladder. I need to lay it down. I can't carry it any more, I can't burden it any longer.

No matter where you are in the journey, grief stinks, grief is debilitating, yet grief is a way of saying, you have a heart, you feel, you are alive, you are human. I have said and continue to say to people, that it is important to grieve and to walk that through in a variety of differnt ways. Now, I stand in a differnt area of grief, the loss of children and the loss of dreams and the loss of what could have been.

I am challenged to find the words that I have spoken to others, and put that into practice. I have found that I need to go to the cross, I need to go to my Heavenly Papa, and give it to him, to go to him, for comfort and support and for my refuge.

I can say, it will be okay, and I can see it being okay, yet right now, it's not okay. It's not okay. I am not okay. I am a mess. I am not together...and I don't care that I am not. My mind wanders. I forget. I can forget what I did the night before. I don't care to phone someone, and tell them how I am doing. I don't care to continually make excuses for my lack of enthusiasm, or lack of energy. I could sleep all day. That is grief. I am tired of apologizing for my lack of leadership and tired of explaining that I am feeling like I am going to crack up at any given time. I am tired of not crying, and feeling angry.

Some days, that is how I feel. Some days, I feel joy, happiness, and believe it will be all okay. I sometimes have hope that we will carry to term, and I will one day hold babies in my arms, babies who are a part of me and part of my wife. I still dream of that. I still long for that. I can be present, I can be focused, I can minister to others, yet I also know my vulnerability in the change of direction that I can go. It could be a reminder of fatherhood, it could be a picture, a thought, an image. It could be just the emptiness in my arms and heart.

I guess this is just me, and where I am at. I guess, I could say that I am okay, but I'm not...and that's okay. I am okay with it. I just wish sometimes that others would be okay with it too.

been a long time

Today, I am tired.

I am tired of being tired. I realize that when things are hard at work, it makes it challenging to be upbeat. I am a pretty optimistic person, and when that starts leaving then I can get pretty funky!!

My saving grace is home...and it being a sanctuary for me...and my wife, who I am so in love with. I thank God for her...and for Him bringing her into my life, to bring me balance and I am thankful that she believes in healthy guidelines on how to live life as a couple. I love it that she loves God more than me. Hmmm, crazy but true.

So, we face challenges...many.

For the most part, I am someone who loves and needs to write. To pen things down on paper or computer. To get my thoughts fully out of my head, this is what I need to do. I have been challenged to be more 'relational' to communicate out of my mouth, but what happens for me is that I am a slow thinker. I am not quick, so my responses to questions come later...once meetings are up, or when people leave. I think..."why didn't I say that?"

So I write, and sadly I have not been doing that lately and it has been showing. My mind seems to not be as focused...that could be the amount of things on my plate, it could be the grieving (which I put the money on). We had someone come and talk with us about loss, and to grieve that loss. She also told us what our bodies would do in the grieving stage...and yes...to everything she said. Anger, forgetfulness, loss of appetite, increased appetite...sleepiness...the list goes on.

We are trying our best to be healthy, to look after ourselves and each other in the midst of this all. Plus, look after the house, get things done here. It is a challenge but it makes us press in to God more. Both of us feel that.

On that note...What I am saying is that I miss my blog, miss writing. I have been in communication with a few people about issues and have been expressing myself more, and letting others know me again. It is good. After I got married...someone told me that they missed Kenn. What has happened is Kenn has evolved and become the Kenny that he was always meant to be. The man that he was supposed to be in all areas of his life.

So here's to evolution...or in other terms, restoration, redemption. Jesus is good, Papa is amazing...and all is well.

failures-evolution

I was sent a quote and have been communicating with people in regards to the thoughts on failures...here is an excerpt from the dialogues...

A QUOTE FROM A GOOD FRIEND.

At least if you're failing, you know you're alive; you're participating, engaged, learning, and therefore contributing to evolution.
The Japanese have a phrase for this; they call it "the nobility of failure,"
implying, "Look at all the great things at which this person failed.
She was really alive."

Honor one of your noble failures

My comment...

PRAISE THE LORD FOR FAILURES>>>WHICH SAYS WE ARE LIVING!!!!!

I pray that each of you know of God's immense love for you
today.regardless of your feelings and thoughts. You are loved and
that will never change.

Then I received a response and this is my response to their email...


Yes, God wants us to be perfect as He is perfect. My thought on that is...

We will never measure up. God is God, we are not. In that we will fail, we will walk in failure, even when we try to be the best we can. It is in that failure that we recognize our need for Jesus, the holy spirit and our Papa.

We can be wise, we can be on fire, we can be mentally with it and be the best planner and still fail. So how do we cope with those failures...do we shame ourselves...do we think less of ourselves...do we accept grace as that which covers those failures? In the words of evolution...the context that is referred to in this quote is our evolving as Jesus Followers...it is an expression of not being the same as I was yesterday. That I admit my shortcomings and "failures"...and I have to recognize that which I have not done well, even when I am working hard not to fail...so that I can say...Jesus, may I learn from this, may I grow from this, help me to be the best and not make the same mistakes that I did before.

I think in terms of honoring our failures...it is more recognizing them, that they do exist...if we turn a blind eye on them...we are like that ostrich that puts its head in the sand...or turns a blind eye on that which God wants us to recognize, so we can move forward, instead of just burying it.

What about those people who are struggling, who are trying to put their lives back together, the prostitute on the street who knows Jesus, yet cannot yet quit acting out...what is her worth? I always think, about my attitude, my thoughts and how I communicate them to others, especially someone who is struggling with issues and the expression of that struggle is more visible on the exterior (rather than the 'average' Christian in a church seat...who is just the same as that prostitute on the street).

I am reminded of the word that says..."His strength is made perfect in my weakness". It does not say His strength is made perfect in my victories.

I believe what you say, where you are coming from. I just wanted to clarify evolution, from a relevant Christian perspective...this one was not intended to focus on the evolutionary theory of creation...rather the evolution of our inner man, as we walk with Christ...and not being the same as we were yesterday.

Just in the area of me, clarifying the evolutionary word, I recognize that I have to watch how I put my words and to define what they mean. That is what I am doing here.

I also hate my failures, and they do not define me. Yet, I know because I have walked in recognizing them, sitting in it (not in a passive way, but a pro-active way) with Jesus.
I do however understand Grace, and know that in walking with people who recognize their need for Jesus, and the failures that they do, that often it is a process...a step by step process of healing. It may mean that you will fall flat on your face...and what do you do with that? How do you walk with someone who has fallen...and needs the help of his/her Christian brothers and sisters. I think of the paralytic man who was lowered down from the roof, so that he would get healed. He needed his brothers to help him, to carry him, to cut a hole.
I am reminded of Lazarus...and the words of Jesus, that said...unbind him. There was a deeper meaning to that statement. That often people are dead in their sin, their hurts, and pain. That we as a body of Christ, who are to be like Christ, are to unbind those in pain and hurt. It means that we need to recognize that with death, there is stink, ugliness and pain. It means walking with others regardless of their victories and failures.

"My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

A question...What is our role as a Christian? What is our mandate? What is our focus here on earth?

Thanks for your words...I love the dialogue.

Night Life

So I have been dialoging with people in regards to how we see community as a Christian. I have become more and more challenged in regards to my pattern of thinking.

Where do I begin?

I have realized that I have not been blogging much lately, travel, marriage and work have kept me pretty much away from the computer at home...okay...plus...the computer was stolen...ya...that bites.

I have watched as the inner city has become darker and darker. More crime, more crime and less action against it. During a ministry experience my wife shared with me a story of someone who said the street was calling them. I asked her if she knew what that meant. She didn't. So I shared with her my thoughts as I lived it, and know the draw of the street.
The smell. There is a night smell, which is often sweet in aroma, you can smell the trees, the grass. Nature at it's best...but that is not all. There are the sounds, the sites and the adrenaline rush of getting a fix. Be it drugs or sex...there is a draw. It is a deep pull toward something you know is not good for you, yet you long for it at the same time. Often the longing beats the not good for you thought.

So what is one looking for when the street calls your name. For me it was validation through anonymous sexual encounters. I knew where to go, when to go and what to do.
It did not matter how my day was going. I could be totally connected with people, being social, having the time of my life, and then I'd go home and it would call me. It was as if I needed the icing on top of the cake that I had already consumed. I wanted more. I wanted the intimacy...as false as it was. I wanted the validation, as degrading as it was. I would go to all lengths to get the need met. No money changed hands, but I was selling myself short. I was selling myself for a quick fix to solve any emotional response that came up within me. If I felt anger, joy, sadness, despair...any emotion...I would go and find pleasure.

Now I have come to realize that the need for validation, and intimacy are legitimate but not in regards to getting them through anonymous sexual encounters. But I also realize that looking back, there were few people who could or would understand what I was going through...or who felt safe for me to share this with. Who wants to hear about another sexual fall, or getting drunk or high and then spending hours on the street, sleeping with who ever took a fancy for you or took initiative to pursue you.

Little did I know that Jesus was there. He was with me, walking with me, knocking at my heart. Yet no one shared that with me...no one called me on my behavior, no one asked how are you "really doing"...instead of just accepting my "fine" as written in stone.

I learned the hard way...I had to come to the end of my rope...myself...and with Jesus knocking a little harder than the world.

I know now that Jesus was teaching me by the holy spirit that I needed to live life different, that I needed to feel the emotions, rather than, quickly numb it through sex. I needed to feel. I needed to feel intense pain, in order to heal, to grieve, to mourn, to then be able to stand, dance, rejoice.

So how does one do that...how does one take a stand for themselves and say no more. No more will I sell myself for a quick fix?

Where do we fit in with that person?

Where do you fit in with me?

Are you willing to go deep with someone, are you willing to die for someone, are you willing to give till it hurts, care about someone till you weep uncontrollably? Are you willing to risk having them be a part of your life, your family? Are you willing to be robbed, cheated, spit at, scorned? Are you willing to be Christ in the flesh?

I think we have it backward as Christ followers. Yes, we are Christ followers, but as we follow, do we obey? Do we do the things we are called to do, so we feel good? Do we do the things we do because it looks good? Or are we getting messy? Are we following Christ or being like him? We are called to be Christ, to finish the work he started.

In looking inward, I have a long, long way to go, in taking risks, in stepping out into the boldness that Christ has birthed within me. I hear him speaking to me and it scares the life out of me...and it should. IT SHOULD! I should not be afraid to die. Die to my own flesh, my own desires and wants. I am selfish, that is my sinful, worldly nature. I care far too much about my life.

Western living...hmmm, we (me included) have been programmed to think, if we don't have this or that, we are less than.

I wonder sometimes when I see the public school systems under attack, gangs, shootings, prostitution, bullying and I wonder...where the hell are the Christian's? Oh, excuse me, they are in private Christian schools or being home schooled...far away from the evil of the public realm...are they being trained to be the SALT and the LIGHT? Are they actually living out their faith, making it real to themselves through being involved in those from other cultures, faiths and denominations? Are we training our children to walk the walk and talk the talk? Are we showing them what life is like on the outside of our comfortable homes, with little risk?

Maybe, I think about these things, write about these things because I live in the inner city, and see little change? I see few people standing up, and I am scared that it might be me, who is being called to take a stand...and then realize that yes, Christ is calling me to make MERCY and JUSTICE my friend. To be the extender of grace, yet call forth justice against drug dealers, slum landlords, corrupt cops, politicians and AAAHHH, it scares the crap out of me, because I feel so insignificant. I don't have the letters behind my name or government credentials, so who will listen to me?

Paula and I have been praying about a vision for our lives as a couple and we have one. To feed the hungry, to bind up the broken hearted, to look after widows and orphans and to set captives free. What a vision! We do all this as we surrender ourselves before our maker, our King and say...use us Lord! No matter what it looks like or feels like. Because it is not about us...it is about you, who have commissioned us and called us forth, to lay down our lives and serve.

We are praying for a home...a sanctuary that we can house people. We are calling forth a mansion on a hill top. We are calling for it, we are boldly asking for it. A very good friend sent me this verse today, and I wept as I read it...

“I am the Lord”, he says, “and there is no other. I publicly proclaim bold promises.
I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner so that no one can understand what I mean.
And I did not tell the people of Israel to ask me for something I did not plan to give.
I, the Lord, speak only what is true and right.”

Isaiah 45:18b – 19

God, we boldly ask for that which you have promised for us...a home, an inheritance for our children, refuge, and our daily bread.

I pray that you who read this may feel inspired to join us in a revolution...a counter culture way of life...because the one who inspired us...was just that!

To fear or not to fear, that is the question

This is a photo of the Mamba, one of the worlds tallest roller coasters and fastest drop speed...and yes...I went on it a few weeks ago.

I have never been on a roller coaster, and this one was the first. At one point, as I waited in line, I thought...where is the nearest exit, but then I also knew I would regret not doing it. So I boarded the car, did up my seat belt and off we went, at least most of me did.

A friend sat beside me, looking at me, asking me if I was scared...uh huh! I could barely get words out of my mouth...he told me to look over and around the sky...um, nope...it was not possible, as I gripped the bar with all my might, as I squeezed my eyes as tight as possible and as I tried to get breath into my lungs. I couldn't breath...I was gripped by fear. I was paralized with fear for the first time in my 40 years of life. Never before had I ever felt this way. I could not move, could not speak, could not open my eyes. All I knew was that we kept going higher and higher...and all of this took place within seconds. Then there was a slight pause...I knew we made it to the top...and even now as I write this, I feel that tingling in my belly button, that weird sensation, much like swinging too high on a swing.

How could I have been so daft as to think I could do this...I am going to perish!

But no, I didn't...the pause was ended by a vertical drop, as I opened my mouth, a groan was all that was heard...what sounded like a death cry...the last utterance of sound...the only sound I could make. I fixate on the sound, because, I thought it would be a girly scream, but no, this came from the depths of my being.

In close to 2 minutes the ride was over, I felt like I was over. Glad to have done it, but realizing that never again, do I need to face that fear, or want to. See, I am afraid of heights. I have always been. Don't ask me when it began, for I cannot remember, all I know is that this man is still afraid of heights. What I can say is this, that I have been on one of the tallest roller coasters and faced a giant fear. I did it. Bought the T-shirt and don't ever need to do the Mamba again.

We did however do 2 more coasters, one a wooden one (which shook us all up) and then one that is inverted...you are hooked from the top and sit in a bucket chair...feet dangling in the air...it was the girly scream ride...the whole time...but one I would do again.

Someone said that if I faced that fear, I can also face marriage...

I am looking forward to that day...nearly upon us, when two are one, and life is working toward goals to serve one another. Living on the less traveled path, knowing there is bumps and turns, branches to look out for, yet doing it with someone who is your best friend and someone you can't see yourself without...for the rest of your life.

It is good...all good.

calgary

so, the journey so far has led us through manitoba, saskatchewan...where we stayed the night at 3 different homes, arriving late yesterday night and then basically going in, finding the bedroom, falling asleep. it was a good journey thus far. we laughed, and laughed, and cried a bit, as we listened to some teaching from the exodus conference. that seems like a month ago, when in reality it was 2 weeks ago. i enjoyed the exodus conference this year, as i served them by being on the prayer time. i found my niche, or my passion. being there, connecting with specific people was amazing and i met some wonderful people who are living life as best as they can in a culture that says they are not valued or that they are denying themselves. how odd it is for those who have chosen the path toward God, laying down their own fleshly desires to actually take up the cross and follow after their king...their savior, their love! the world sees it as foolish, that we are being brainwashed and yet if we look at it from our eyes, we can say the same things...we can say that the world is brainwashing those to enter a lifestyle that often brings unfullfillment. i met a lot of unhappy people, who would claim happiness, yet looking closer, there is so much unhappiness, sex filled with drugs, alcohol, one partner, lover after another, trying to fill that void. trying to find that "right one" that will fill the loneliness, the emptiness, the deep longings. i speak with experience. i too was there, searching to find that thing the someone to fill my insecurities, my hurts, my loneliness. that person to affirm me.

now looking forward, i know the one that truly affirms me, the one who loves me, fills that emptiness, that loneliness, the longings. it is my heavenly king, my father, my all in all. as cheesy as that may sound to some people, it has brought me a sense of stability, a deep knowing that i am loved, and that i am okay. i do not need anyone to complete me, but God has brought someone into my life who will share the load, who will walk with me, who is christ in the flesh. i have many people who have been christ to me, but this one is different, she is my opposite. this week, i get to see God move in her, as she allows him to minister to her, drawing her, wooing her unto himself...for I come second to God, who is her first love...and i am thankful for that. i am thankful that i do not need to lean into her for completion and she need not lean into me, yet we support one another with love and we encourage one another, love one another.

we are in calgary, part of the living waters leadership training conference and this year i am an assistant small group leader and i am looking forward to it. i am reminded of my need for God to be my everything, he is the one who speaks and i hear his voice for his sheep know their masters voice. i pray that this will go deeper, that as i am willing to be his hands, feet, that he will minister to me in ways that he want to. that i will be willing to listen.

well, it is late, and tomorrow will be a long day, a day of newness, challenges all their own, and i focus on tomorrow, tomorrow. i give thanks for today and the brightness of the sky, the breeze that cooled us, and the way God moves in time. he is my lover, the one that ravishes my heart, and i long to dwell in his sanctuary. i am thankful for the blessings he pours out, the gift of love, joy, peace and power.

If i can i will blog a wee bit during the week, but have no idea if there is access there. please pray for strength and humility.
please pray that God will bless financially, as my support is not 100% and paula and i have been praying for a home to purchase, before the prices rise to a place where we will not be able to afford. we cherish you and pray a blessing over you.

faithful

Today, as I waited on the Lord, I asked him to remind me of his blessing, and his faithfulness. I was tired today, feeling a bit empty and felt the need to wait on him. So the day went by...

...Pea and I went to meet with a wedding photographer and he is the best in Manitoba...okay, probably in Canada and I knew him and his wife from years ago...but that is years ago.
We met at his studio...the woman at the front desk greeted us with recognition...and realized our connection was Soul.

Then we met the photographer, and it was so comfortable, easy, we listened, taking it all in and getting excited...and for me I knew that he is so out of our range...yet, as a missionary, just gave a figure to God, one that we could afford and one we could do within our budget. After sharing our heart and our passion, he did a quote and we got blessed, all I will say is that God showed me his faithfulness and his blessing. He reminded me of that through this photographer...through the watching of Pea's face, through her tears after we left the building, as we shared our thankfulness. We left with grateful hearts. This is huge for us...this is new for us...this is beautiful. I keep seeing flowers bloom, I keep seeing Pea's face light up, and another part of her blossoms. It is really incredible and wonderful.

So we are getting ready, we are loving this time, even through wedding stresses, we sit back and think...wow...God you are faithful...and will Bless those who honor you and give you the glory.

I am excited that a few friends from a distance are coming...okay...way excited. I miss them and am looking forward in seeing them and celebrating with them. The day will be amazing and wonderful.

The social is June 23rd...email me for tickets...that will be a party you do not want to miss.

dream home

So today we saw our dream home. This picture is not the home, but it is similar. I stumbled across it yesterday, when I was out looking for a article of furniture for the upcoming social. I was driving home, saw the open house sign and went and just walked through with my chin dropping on the floor. It was perfect size, location and style. The garden is a dream! The decor screamed our names. The home was tastefully decorated with many art pieces and it just fed into what I have dreamed for. We have prayed about windows and having lots of light, and that was also something the house had plenty of. It was also priced 20 grand more than what we can afford, and will likely go 20 grand higher than the listing price. So we sat and prayed about the home, and just offered it back to God.
I know myself and how I tend to compare, and I know that each home we look at I will compare to this one. I need to lay that down and offer up, rather, praise to God that he is doing a new thing. That he has blessed us and will continue to guide our steps and direction. He knows the plans for us, and they are not to cause us harm. So we continue to work on our debt load, and get that down. We know that planning a family is key for us and we are looking at that as a big possibility after the honeymoon. Honeymoon...now there is another thing...we can take a week off after the wedding, and we also know that my cousin is getting married in February and so we may look at taking a trip to where they live and be there for the wedding. Who knows right now. It depends on many different things that need to fall into place for us.
We can stay where I am and live here for awhile and pay off much...and put aside a little. I may be wise to stay put a year. But we also know the market is going crazy here and the interest rates will rise. So the broker has said...it could be wise to get something now. If we can get a student, then that would help.
Well, we continue to press forward, praising God for what he is doing in our lives and our hearts. I do tend to get the stresses every once in awhile and it did finally hit me the other day and I got a cold that knocked me out for a couple of days. I feel a little better today, but am focusing on plenty of sleep and proper food. Loading up on garlic and more garlic.
We are studying Ephesians and so this past week, I read the book and today, focused my attention on really studying chapter one. God adopted me, he chose me. I look at that whole image of adoption, which is much more thought out than a planned birth. It is actually saying, I choose this child, regardless of it's background or upbringing. It is healing, and I look at my sister and brother in law and their two adopted children and I see how much they love them, and it is a picture of God to me. How God loves us regardless of our past or present failures. That he accepts us as his sons and daughters. i pray that that knowledge will go deep within my heart, and pray that also for you as you read. That the full revelation of how much God loves us and how He has chosen us will go deep within you. I pray that wisdom and revelation and complete understanding will come as God has said he will give that to us when we ask for that.

Peace to you...

Trying to win me back!

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

So today, I get a call...

CH-"Hello, is this Kenny Warkentin (or as best as they can pronounce it)?"
Kenny-"Yes"
CH-"Kenny, I am calling representing Columbia House, and we value you as a customer and noticed that you have decided to end your subscription. We would like to win you back with this special offer....blah...blah...blah...how about it Kenny? What kind of movies to you watch?"
Kenny-"Well, actually, I am taking a moral stand, with Columbia House and have decided to not be a customer of yours because you sell pornographic movies."
CH-"What, I did not know we sold porn!"
Kenny-"Yes, you send offers to peoples homes with their selection of the month catalogue, and I have decided to take a stand on your policy regarding the distribution of pornographic material."
CH-"Well, okay, thanks very much, good bye."

Interesting...very interesting!
It was a good feeling to actually talk with someone again who works at Columbia House, voicing an opinion that goes contrary to what they may feel is right or wrong. Pornography is a huge problem in our society and I do not care if you are Christian or not. This is not just a Christian issue, it is a cultural issue. Too many people are becoming addicted to Porn and it is wrecking our society. Too many women and men are being abused, used and then thrown away in the Porn business.
Stand up, against pornography! It is not just explicit sex movies, or magazines, it is anything that expresses itself with sexual images. Advertising, movies, billboards...think about it as you drive or walk in the mall. It is time to open our eyes and see what we are doing to our society and our culture.

Just a thought today!

Enjoy the weekend. Enjoy the sun, creation and those people in your life.

Peace.

Porn...when is it going to end?

Dear Columbia House

Editor Winnipeg Free Press

Lately there has been an increase in reporting issues on sexuality in our culture. It has been amazing actually in the way things are being talked about, especially via your newspaper. People are free to talk about sexual addictions and the problems and come from that.

Yesterday, I was disturbed. I recently subscribed to the Columbia House DVD program and was shocked when I opened my mailing from them and found an insert that promoted the sale of pornography. I phoned them the next day to ask that I do not wish to have pornographic material sent to me via them. I have chosen not to have pornography in my home. I work with men and women who are trying to overcome their addictions to pornography and have seen the affects that porn has on adults. Most of them, this problem began as children, being exposed to pornography just by chance. This is the letter that I wrote to them.

"I am disturbed to find that you sent out pornography choices in the recent catalogue mailing (happy feet). It disturbs me that Columbia House as resorted to make money through the pornography industry. With problems increasing with sexual addiction in our society, it pains me to see this coming from you. You introduced pornographic material into my home. That is not acceptable in my opinion. I have chosen not to have material such as that enter my home and you purposefully included that in the mailing, with no regard. I will not support your company in this way and will reflect my choice and feelings with those whom I know and work with.

I work with men and women, who are struggling to overcome sexual addiction, some of whom have seen pictures as children and thus began a life long addiction. So I find it disturbing that you would promote pornography, for the sake of money and wealth and in the process partner with broken families, ruined lives and life long addictions.

I believe that you as a company can stand for righteousness and not play in to the denigration of our culture today."

With the issues of sexual addiction on the rise in our culture and the break down of marriages/partnerships dues to these addictions, I find it appalling that a large organization that reaches the homes of millions would include pornographic material. Especially into homes that include children. I believe as a society, we can stand and make a difference. Stand up and say no to large mail out organizations like Columbia House Canada. The woman I talked to said that some people want those mailings and so that is why they send them out. Yet, they did not ask me if I wanted pornographic material sent to me, they just sent it with no regard for my standard that I have set for myself, I wonder where our society is headed? So if I wrote in to Columbia House and asked them to send me material on bestiality, would they send that too me, or will it be included in a mail out? It is appalling to me. This has not happened just to me, as I shared this with a co-worker, she told me the same thing happened to a family member who phoned in and complained to them. They assured this person that they would never send out pornographic advertising. Interesting that this happened last year and surprise, they do send out material.

We have a problem in our society that says anything goes, regardless of who is harmed and I take a stand on this issue. I have seen too many men and women injured emotionally, and marriages destroyed due to the pornography industry, when is enough, enough and when will people stand up and shout that they are not going to take it anymore.

Sincerely, a man willing to stand up for other men and women and the children who are in the end the ones that suffer the most.

Kenny