Wednesday, July 20, 2005

July 19th, 2005 after worship and registration

After 3 months of feeling like I was in a Twilight Zone episode, God spoke clearly that I was no longer in a Twilight Zone. I am a new creation. The old has passed away.

Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Nancy Heche (this is Ann Heche's mother) spoke on blessings and the meaning behind that act. That it means asking God to transform that persons life. So many times while singing I had such intense emotion, of overt and immense joy. Knowing God in his mercy wants intimacy with me. He desires it. He desires to be in relationship with me. That is so powerful. That in the face of temptation, I can run to him. Temptations are our times when we need to RUN and spend time with God. It is almost like God allows temptation so we run to Him. The enemy would rather pull me away and lie to me. There is a choice-obey God, hide in His arms. Allow God to speak to my heart. When faced with a hurt or decision what do I do? I try to do it often on my own and fail. Rather I need to read my Bible and ask God to reveal His truth and show me his face. To speak into my broken heart, to reveal something for my hard heart and to minister to my soft heart. I have been really hearing the words fast and pray. For the whole week and even before I came to Exodus International (this is a conference for those seeking to come out of the gay lifestyle and walk in the freedom and new life that God gives) I have felt the need or urge to fast. I just did not know when I should.
Most of all today, I need to ask God to protect me from the snares of the enemy. I need to be transparent. When is the right time to disclose things to my failings? The call to love, and to let the verses in 1 Corinthians be the guide in my life.

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 Love is patient, love is kinds. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where ther are prophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. when I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child and I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. Now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

People need to rememeber us by our love, that is a powerful message to me. Lord, grant me strength tomorrow, give me courage. Make me brave like David. I want to meet others who I relate to or who I can connect with. This journey is about building good relations. peace and love!

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