Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Back in the Peg

I have been back now for a few weeks now...17 days!
I seem so far removed from the Exodus experience and yet I can vividly remember times of worship and times connecting with people that where there. My questions since being back...are can I really do this? Yes, only with the strength of God, only with submitting everything to him who gives me strength. To allow myself to receive God's love. I was told there would be spiritual warfare when I returned. Especially since I am blogging, my story. I have said that I was going to be open and transparent...there is a price to pay for that transparency.
Since being back, I have been told that I am gay and to deal with that. I can't accept that statement. I am not gay, that was not God's intention for me when he created me.
I read Psalms 16:7 I will praise the Lord who counsels me, even at night my heart instructs me
Then Psalms 17 reads...though you probe my heart and examine me at night, though you test me, you will find nothing. I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.
That is an incredibly deep verse. God probes our heart and examines us at night, while we sleep. He tests us and he will find nothing (thanks to the cross), and resolving that our mouths will not sin. What comes from our mouths is so important. I remember reading the 4 agreements by a native american author and spiritualist and he comments on the value of our words that come out of our mouths. That thinking first is a good thing. It could save us a lot of trouble.
So I ponder that verse and speak it over my life. That God would probe my heart and examine me at night and he will find nothing. I resolve that my mouth will not sin.

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