July 22, 2005, can it be Friday already? and laying down the nets

I can't believe it is Friday. It seems like just yesterday that we came and now we have two days left. I woke up...and proclaimed, God's mercy is new every morning. I was tired, exhausted and feeling a little down. Feeling a bit pessimistic. But I proclaimed that I want this process. I want to enter into the "set apart" stage. To know that God has Good for me and not death. That my life "out" of the lifestyle would be just as amazing as my life "in" the lifestyle. that I would experience even more joy and love, peace and goodness. That the blessings of the Lord would encompass my ever daily walk.
Psalms 11:1
In the Lord I take refuge. How then can you say to me "Flee like a bird to your mountain."
Psalms 15
honor those who fear the Lord. Who keeps his oath even when it hurts.

Make these truths go down deep in my HEART. Make them be heart knowledge, not just head knowledge. Draw me deeper into your love.

Later in the morning, during worship, I saw a vision of Jesus, sitting and a woman came and sat beside him and pinched a piece of his robe and she was healed. God then said- "How much more I want to give you. That you don't deserve just a pinch- but that you deserve to be gathered into my cloth of healing. How much more healing he wants to pour out to me. If you are healed with just a pinch of his robe...how much more he gives when you are wrapped up in his robe. I wept. Tears of sorrow, tears of joy, tears of pure love.
I am desperate for you-
and I, am desperate for you
and I love you Lord
I love you Lord
I love you lord,
I want to be like the woman desperate for healing.

a little bit later....

i got the image of the cleaning lady coming in to clean house. But before she comes you frantically clean your house, so the cleaner doesn't see the "real" mess!
God sees our mess! Why try and clean the mess in your life...heart...soul...before He comes to clean. He wants ALL THE MESS!!

God is calling me to pursue his calling. To follow his examples and to join his group.

God calls us to lay down the nets. When Jesus walked to the disciples he told them to lay down their nets and follow him. If you look at the nets as being things that hold us back. Things in our life that God wants us to lay down. Then you have to ask yourself...."what are the nets in my life?" What are thos things that I am not so willing to let go of!
For me it is
SILENCE
FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS
ANGER
UNFORGIVENESS
SELF PRESERVATION

So I have to ask myself....again? WHAT WILL IT LOOK LIKE IF I LOSE IT? What will it look like if I lay down my nets.

So today, July 22nd, I give it to God. My net full of all the things that have been my false sense of security. The things that really are so unimportant but things that the enemy has said I have to hold on to or I will perish and be crushed.
It truly is amazing how God is revealing his truths to me. How he is showing me the sorrow he feels for me. The eternal love of the Father. It is quite amazing his love.
We had one of the key note speakers talk about the story of Mordecai and Esther and their relationship. How Mordecai, waited for Esther at the gate for 12 months while she got her make over...in order for her to be seen by the King.
I realized that the Mordecai in my life has been the man who has prayed for me, waited for me to return and who welcomed me back to the fold with open arms. Who has shown me the heart of God. He knows who he is...and I thanked him today. For standing, waiting at the gate! I thanked God for that revelation and truth. I am beginning to see the truths unfold before my eyes. The blinders are continuing to fall off. I want transformation and it is beginning. It is a life long journey.